May 11, 2020
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Remember great comedy duos? Stiller and Meara? Burns and Schreiber? Waldman and Dworkin? Few are still with us, and now even less with yesterday’s passing of Jerry Stiller from natural causes... Remember natural causes? That’s right where Donald Trump wants to place COVID-19 in the minds of voters in the next months. Unfortunately for the Republican election campaigns, natural causes are spreading through the White House right now, and thoughts and prayers end up needing PPE and social distancing to be truly effective. Political reality is starting to sink in with Republicans, while non-reality remains Trump’s only hope. Now, if they could only get to 2 million deaths, it would all be perfect. Meanwhile, the coronavirus continues to spread like a stupid Twitter meme.
It is hard to get the exact right people to die in a pandemic. In fact, future scholars might never make it past Donald’s inauguration speech. 9 of our greatest legal minds ponder surviving by slipping out of having responsibility for holding the president responsible for his actions.
Michael Flynn shouldn’t be remeasuring the drapes for his White House office yet, as his judge hasn’t yet dismissed the case. In fact, as expected there is plenty of bumbling involved to sift through first.
We might have an election, and it could turn out well... If someone lets us have one, it might even be a “Reagan vs. Mondale”-style blowout, except this time with the good guys winning. Joe Biden’s VP pick wouldn’t be Dale Bumpers either. The Gop is guarding against any future popularity by threatening Social Security and avoiding parental leave.