May 7, 2021
David Waldman is almost certain this is Friday, and it is certainly a great time for a Friday KITM:
Republicans are at their long-awaited pivot point between vicious lying authoritarian morons. Neoconservative vicious lying authoritarian Liz Cheney might be too smart to fall in with the Trumpian new guard, but not smart enough to hold on to her job. Just one little Big Lie and Liz would’ve been welcome. On the other hand, they haven’t made a lie that Cheney’s replacement, Elise Stefanik couldn't deliver. Stefanik follows GQP/FOX protocol by always priming the rubes with little lies so the big lies go down easily.
Lawyers for Anthony “Tony Two-Times” Antonio (If that isn’t his nickname, I don’t know what’s wrong with the world) claim that he rioted at the Capitol because he swallowed too many Fox lies. Maricopa “auditors” know that tree-free and sustainable bamboo paper ballots would indicate green-minded AOC agents took advantage of Staples Reward savings.
Voter fraud conspiracist OG Kris Kobach will run for Kansas attorney general.
A Miami private school doesn’t mind taxpayer handouts but does refuse Covid guidelines, providing a beacon for gimmetarian parents. The school is now searching for someone with the ability to exercise good judgment. Kansas substitute teacher/state representative/sexual harasser/physical assaulter/lunatic Mark Samsel might be a good fit.
Boogaloo Bois conspiring with Hamas is becoming a trend.
Want to quickly and easily slander someone? Want to pay a hefty fee to clear your name? Not by coincidence, this is a one-stop-shop.