Fri, 11 May 2018
You always knew Friday would come. Friday comes for all of us, great or small. It is how you prepare for the inevitability of Friday that matters. David Waldman guides us into that sunny weekend:
Politico welcomes you to their elite bubble. If Michael Cohen is a typical sleaze, then many should be in jail. Elliott Broidy, inveterate palm-greaser, with a possibly money-laundering wife, has more than a few reasons to get on Donald Trump’s good side.
Kirstjen Nielsen, Chief of Homeland Security, oh just so almost quit the other day.
Thu, 10 May 2018
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and Armando wield their machetes of veracity to the bullrushes of BS in Donald Trump’s swamp of... Oh you know, it is very swampy:
Michael Cohen, expert on everything, friend to all, could’ve been a lobbyist but that isn’t where the real money is. Cohen was really interested in getting people to know Donald Trump, even though Trump didn’t know anything about Cohen. Russian Oligarch-Linked Columbus Nova is linked to white supremacists, and to Trump lawyer Marc Kasowitz. All of this makes Maga-world suspicious... of Stormy Daniels lawyer, Michael Avenatti, and where he gets all of his info.
John Edwards can tell you, when the subpoenas hit the fan, it’s time to find a patsy. Elliott Brody, professional beard, might have been just the guy Donald and Shera could have used in their time of need.
Moderate candidates still tend to outdo extreme ones, although moderate Republicans are becoming more like Donald Trump. Trump hasn’t done much, but he has destroyed a lot. John Bolton ruined things before and is here to do it again. China tariffs are already starting to punish us. Health care is our issue.
Trump might be one of the worst people on earth, but DC is the big leagues, and Mike Pence is the man to beat. Mike wants to move on from this Trump thing and onto his presidency while there’s some left for him.
Wed, 9 May 2018
Allow David Waldman, your political sommelier, to offer his KITM recommendations du jour:
Greg Dworkin examines the results of yesterday’s primaries. It’s easy to blame the voters, especially when they are Don Blankenship voters. Republicans keep moving right, and right out of the running. Democrats do not seem to going so insurgent, however.
Donald Trump appeals to his dwindling base, more and more, but the rest of us are really tired of him. That opens up space to discuss Democrat strengths. Forget convincing the Trump right, they don’t know and couldn’t care less. There may not be enough voters to complete the slide to totalitarianism, and probably not enough to keep the Trump scam going much longer, although Trump’s spiritual predecessor, John Wilkes had to order the shooting of protesters to go out of style. (Wilkes continued to inspire, however.)
Michael Cohen, friend forever to Donald Trump, enlightened guru to multinational corporations and entities of all types… and, uhm, doctor, is discovered to have a shell company that funneled bribes, generally. Armando discusses whether to call the Cohen bribe device a shell company, LLC or what.
Tim Kaine reminds us of the work ahead of us, once things are right side up.
Tue, 8 May 2018
No mulligans. Republicans haven’t been so gleefully steadfast in their stand against moral turpitude since Anthony Weiner, maybe since Bill Clinton. Eric Schneiderman resigns from being New York Attorney General to spend more time with... his mirror and his conscience.
Republican schadenfreude might be short-lived as the acting AG is both female and Democratic, and no one is throwing out any upcoming cases or evidence. David Waldman and Armando review what has happened so far and speculate about the future in the case.
But that isn’t all that’s grinding Armando’s gears today. Hack Hugh Hewitt engages in payola with Scott Pruitt, and MSNBC does nothing. Paul Krugman feels guilty about how he doesn’t feel victimized. Everyone agrees that Trump would be an idiot to pull out of the Iran Nuclear Deal, so he really has no choice. Now what will we do?
Russian hackers will sow fear and confusion wherever they find fertile ground.
There are more good guys with guns in schools, unfortunately the good guys’ guns have bad bullets.
Nunes gonna Nunes, and David is going to discuss congressional contempt procedural intricacies.
Kansas City surprises millions with its hospitality.
Mon, 7 May 2018
Week 68 of The Presidential Apprentice! The show that, for some reason, just won’t quit, is producing lots of spinoffs, the least of which is West Virginia’s Biggest Loser, starring this turd which even Donald Trump wants to flush. Trump and Blankenship’s base kind of like that smell, but that isn’t enough to win. In red Ohio, special election Republicans can’t be little Trumps and win the election, so the party will have to pick less silly candidates if they want to lose by smaller margins. Republicans that aren’t little Trumps might as well go home. The news wonders what this has to do with Nancy Pelosi.
Still, nothing beats the hilarity of The Trump and Rudy Show. Greg Dworkin rounds up the latest Rudy news. Everyone knows Giuliani is a racist blowhard, although Rudy denies that, even if he just said that, because it’s just a rumor.
Scott Pruitt finally assists the EPA by disappearing into his spider hole. Gina Haspel begs to be put out of her misery, but Trump doesn’t think she’s had quite enough. Elaine Chao, thought to be only moderately corrupt, has found her niche in promoting her dad.
David Waldman reveals that Jewish people not working as doctors, lawyers, postal carriers or cowboys sometimes find themselves in international crime syndicates. Michael Cohen literally catered to mobsters, along with some other ventures. Israeli operatives who aided Harvey Weinstein collected information on former Obama administration officials. The Trump team hired the spy firm for ‘dirty ops’ on Iran arms deal, unless the Trump team hired a team to hire the spy firm for the dirty ops.
Fri, 4 May 2018
Don’t you wish the advent of Friday would mean the end of news for at least a couple of days? Unfortunately, no, so David Waldman packs more into Fridays to prepare us, and Mondays to catch us up from the weekend:
Nuance! It’s those little details that ensnare hypocrites. Ari Fleischer stepped on a few rakes this morning. The Trump Organization slipped a few states into the list of those from whom it collects sales tax. Those in New York will have to pay extra to slide into a tight pair of goblets. Scott Pruitt knew he needed to travel around the world as EPA Chief, if only he could find some good reasons. Jared Kushner made his 40th mistake filing his Federal Ethics Disclosure form. (The correct answer is “zero.”) Jared’s bank is “Bank of Internet”, which, no nuance, is precisely as shady as it sounds. If Donald Trump wasn’t so busy playing golf he could have made America great long ago.
Fox’s Neil Cavuto rises above the swamp gas with some common sense. Republicans nail up a No Catholics Allowed sign, and the House chaplain takes it the wrong way. Many Texans are shocked to discover that Russia wasn’t on the good guy side in Jade Helm 15.
Qatar bought its fourth condo for $6.5 million from Trump right after an emoluments lawsuit was dropped. Donald was convinced to sell lethal weapons to Ukraine after Ukraine’s savvy charm offensive, which of course included not cooperating in the Mueller investigation. Meanwhile, we’ve run out of money for Syria’s famed humanitarian group, the White Helmets.
Thu, 3 May 2018
If it wasn’t for all of his dragon energy, Donald Trump wouldn’t be able to handle his immense case load. Trump spent the last few weeks representing his client Michael Cohen, and was then forced to take over the Rudy Giuliani matter as of last night. (Michael and Rudy probably should have shopped around if they were hoping to stay out of prison.)
Sean Hannity accidentally did a journalism and helped Rudy Giuliani keep his promise to wrap up the Mueller probe quickly. David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and Armando parse the ravings of a madman to divine a hint of a strategy or of even a rational thought. Journalists everywhere will reach for their thesauruses to dig up one more synonym for “lie” before mentioning to their readers that Donald Trump will never hesitate to disavow his own words. Trump’s lone, simple concern at any time is what he has to gain, or lose.
If you hate Trump, you have that going for you. But, not every Trump hater is a nice person. So don’t fall in behind just any reporting, or throw your money to just any fundraiser. Save those small donations and donate Democratic, today!
Wed, 2 May 2018
Today in entertainment news: Following an awkward introduction and flat ratings, Presidential Apprentice pulled character ADM. Dr. Candyman “Ronny” Jackson, and replaced him with returning fan favorite Wacky Dr. Bornstein, who in a twist turns out to be the hero-victim-coconspirator! Who would believe a show like this? No one!
It is Wednesday, so David Waldman joins with Greg Dworkin and Joan McCarter to drag a huge haul of tasty sagaciousness onto the SS KITM:
Is Donald Trump as low as he can go? Not according to the people that know his potential. Donald tears down his party while he shores up his base, ergo the upcoming Catholics vs. Evangelicals wars. Trapped in the Trump cage, Republicans eat each other: Mark Walker (R-Baptist) doesn’t want to select chaplains anymore. Trump’s recent HHS secretary condemned the present Republican health care policy, and Schrodinger’s Republican, Marco Rubio, trashes the Trump Republican tax law. Donald says Jon Tester isn’t patriotic enough for him.
Democrats will force a net neutrality vote this month.
A Proud Boy demonstrates white power.
Trump probably wishes his head was bigger, too.
Tue, 1 May 2018
Got some spare time? Open up a story on rawstory.com. Not that they’ll take long to read, but they will crash your computer to help soak up that extra time that you thought you had.
David Waldman recovered from his Raw Story crashes of the morning to answer many of your Tuesday questions, with the exception of “Why is this Dotard orange”? Robert Mueller wonders about that too, it’s just not on the top of his list at the moment. Armando wonders who leaked that list, but is pretty certain that an idiot transcribed it. David and Armando agree that it is not a list of questions, but of topics, it is definitely not a complete list of what Mueller wants to talk about, or is concerned with, and Trump probably won’t be able to spin this coherently, because as John Kelly can tell you, Donald Trump is an idiot.
You know who is dumber and more immoral that Donald Trump? The Washington media that think he’s their cash cow. Amoral toadies and parasitic thugs dependent as pubic lice. And the sad, frightened deplorables destroying everything to protect their piece. The Hill whimpers #notalljournalists.
Mike Pence refuses to know things, but his doctor knew about Ronny Jackson last fall. Mike will be the first to tell you, he’s just the coffee boy who barely knows Mr. Trump. KITM contributor Paula Writer is concerned that we might someday have to deal with Mr. Pence, and recorded a segment on how we might have to handle that day.
Documents show ties between Virginia’s largest public university and the Charles Koch Foundation. David’s glad someone is taking the time to look into those things.
Mon, 30 April 2018
Yesterday was a tragic day for those of us invested in sharp sticks. We know that you and I shouldn’t poke deplorables in election years, and that everyone in journalism and not-so-journalism have consistently been stick-sensitive, but now comedians have also been banned from poking representatives of the government in power:
The White House Correspondents Association will henceforth require Bob Hope-caliber comedians, to match their Bob Hope-caliber correspondence. The WHCA represents those in power. Those in power are happy to be hypocrites to stay in power. It is a comedian’s job to punch up, and punching up is hard.
We need accountability in 2018, as always. Rich old white people are spending their last dimes to assure white power is forever. Researchers can now move on to hard stuff, now that they’ve determined that actually, guns do kill people. Ronny Jackson heads back to the swamp with Hawkeye and B.J. so Donald needs to find a new doctor.
The Department of Defense’s MHS GENESIS EHR system has resolved 1000 issues, and only has 6000 more to go for a smooth rollout. When Donald Trump needs help on the VA, he looks up from his Mar-a-Lago steak and ketchup and yells “Is there a doctor in the house?” First one off the links was Dr. Bruce Moskowitz, who just happened to have some healthcare reform plans handy.
David returns to the story of Levi Tillemann, the guy that took notes on his meeting with Steny Hoyer, then revealed the notes were recordings once his polling flagged. Now it seems Levi is one of the Tillemann-Dicks of Denver, along with Charity, Rainbow, Liberty Belle, and Timber Dick. (Leave the “safe search” on when looking up pictures.)