Tue, 28 April 2020
David Waldman delivers a KITM on… Eh, who cares what day it is? People will be able to pinpoint this era on the rings of trees:
Yesterday, with breath like a McDonald’s in a pine forest and pupils like hockey pucks, Donald Trump had yet another not-worth-the-time briefing, because unlike everyone else on earth, Trump can’t get enough Trump. What Trump said was irrelevant.
When we respond to a pandemic correctly, less people die. When less people die, more idiots stay alive, that’s just science. Tucker Carlson deduces that since he’s still alive, it can’t be too bad. Grifters wonder if maybe this was a grift they’ve been left out of. Red states suggest that instead of tedious testing and the chore of governing, maybe, if we doubt coronavirus, we should set it free, and if it comes back... well, then thousands more die.
Asparagus Zucchini does what no two other vegetables can, recording a report on how the pandemic strengthens Andrew Yang’s case for universal basic income. Nancy Pelosi has deemed “guaranteed income” worthy of her attention.