Tue, 22 December 2020
We’re still sponging down the scorched wallpaper here at KITM World Headquarters following Greg Dworkin’s F-arama yesterday, even as David Waldman wants to autotune the year’s profanity into “Christmas carols”... That’s sure to get us at least a mention on maybe three Fox shows and might even resurrect Bill O’Reilly’s career!
Meanwhile, Donald Trump hopes to make the next 30 days an amalgamation of the Alamo and Custer’s Last Stand, except with no hope, nor honor, and everyone is sacrificed to save him. Of course, some recall the negative effect this had on Davy Crockett’s congressional career, and will take a step back as the strike force is mowed down like a Trump dog. Geraldo and Pat Robertson already donned their bonnets and shawls and exited out the back, while Jared Kushner and Mike Pence discovered they have very important business far away from the parapets. William Barr says there’s no basis for seizing voting machines, using special counsels, or for him sticking around anymore. Sebastian Gorka would rather talk about how it feels to lose, rather than, you know... On the ground, cosplay militias don’t really care who they’re fighting, or why, but they’ve all been waiting for this moment, whatever it is.
South Carolina’s first lady tested positive for coronavirus after a White House Christmas party, and what do you know, so did the Governor. Also, hundreds of thousands of others... and a few thousand died last night.
Joan McCarter popped in for her pre-holiday visit, to tell us all who is naughty and nice in DC.
Rand Paul’s insufferability will outlast any pandemic. After the apocalypse, the remaining cockroaches will despise him. Then there’s Mitch McConnell. Mitch didn’t get his Christmas gift to corporations, but he was able to hurt their workers before the holidays. Hey, but 600 bucks isn’t nothing! Ok, it almost is, but the savings on 3 martini lunches sure will add up.
If Donald pardons himself, will he be rubber or glue? Joe might find out.