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Kagro in the Morning

Feb 26, 2020

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David Waldman didn’t watch last night’s Democratic debate and does not have Coronavirus COVID-19, so frankly, all he has is hearsay to rely upon. Lucky for all of us Greg Dworkin and Joan McCarter are here to say information we can rely upon.

Roger Stone’s judge has his jury testify against his claims that his lawyers are inept.

Donald Trump is back from India and probably stopped at all the drive-throughs coming back from the airport. Can you believe no one heard of hamberders over there? And their samoas are called “samosas” and taste weird! Dr. Ronny Jackson finds getting Republican votes as tough as getting Donald to open up for a spoonful of peas. Trump also can’t stomach girl justices anymore. Why? Well, you know.

Democratic presidential candidates gathered for their 10th scrum of the season, but the moderators forgot to bring their ref whistles. Some gave Elizabeth Warren the win, but judges skewed points toward highest bellowing decibels. Mike Bloomberg won during the debate breaks. League of Women Voters, where are you?

Joe Biden gets a James Clyburn boost into South Carolina, but Bernie Sanders has got this thing in the bag, as long as no one says anything bad about him for a few months. Please, black voters don’t want to talk about which candidate is the blackest. Mitch McConnell knows the path to Republican success is always right up the uterus.

Then there’s the pandemic… No it’s not, yetWatch out! But — Don’t panic! Donald Trump says it’s all under control, so we all should be burning stacks of bodies by the weekend.