Fri, 13 March 2020
David Waldman self-isolates to that secluded area over by the toaster oven to bring us today’s dispatch:
The reality is hitting the Capital hard now as their soirees have become imperiled.
It was only last week when Donald Trump assured us that COVID-19 was only one miracle away from disappearing, but now he’s treating it like it’s “some big emergency”. In between, Donald tried ignorance, denial, suppression, and lying, but as usual those solutions have come up short. Trump became so desperate, he even tried reading out loud on live TV.
Rugged individualist Fox watchers have rushed out to buy gold and eat silver. (Really, people do that.) (Don’t.) Fox nimbly executed the quick flip from “It’s a HOAX!” to “It’s a CONSPIRACY!”, but Republicans are still stuck straddling the two. Susan Collins laid the groundwork to make this all possible. So what could we do? China has a great deal on some used ventilators.
Did you know that nobody liked Mike Bloomberg much?