Wed, 8 July 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin go there today! (Following correct safety protocols, of course.)
Attention, students, parents and teachers wishing to open schools safely, Donald Trump hears you. All except for the “safely” part. Trump only listens to statements phrased in the form of a compliment. And, well, safety reminds Donald of condoms, and you know how he feels about that.
For those wondering why so many cases and so few deaths - give it a minute, the hospitals have just turned down their sheets. Meanwhile, churches are hellholes. Prisons are too, for both the thin blue line, and the ICE blue lines. Get out and protest though, you’ll do fine. Montana alerts manly men to their many manly mask options.
As for the election, Donald Trump does have a few more enthusiastic supporters... for some reason, but he also has many more enthusiastic haters, for obvious reasons. Actually, every shred of evidence points to Trump having his ass kicked. Joe Biden is looking pretty electable lately. The more Trump loses, the more desperate he will become, however. Who knows what crazy scheme he will try next? We do know what Republicans will attempt with any Democratic Vice Presidential candidate, because that is what has worked so well for them so many times before.
On their last date, back in March, Donald Trump gave the country of Brazil a super-nasty case of the Rona. The one positive thing to come out of it all was fellow lunatic autocrat Jair Bolsonaro’s coronavirus test results. Don’t worry, Donald’s hooked him up with the good stuff.
Fireworks will blow your head off, but they will never lie to you. Guns... you just can’t trust. Oh, they’ll tell you they’ll protect you, through thick and thin… even if you happen to be the dumbest son of a bitch in a Florida Costco, they’ll still stick by you. Then, one day (the one moment your buddy lines up with the barrel) Bang—the gun and your buddy aren’t your friend anymore. A guy shooting a gopher bagged a golfer. So close! And, a woman’s gun shot her right in the waterpark! Ow!