Thu, 9 July 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another KITM Back-to-School special:
Elementary schools, renown for their history of ringworm and lice infection mitigation, will be expected to tackle COVID-19 on about the same budget. Donald Trump loves schools like a father loves a son—happy to see them die if they doesn’t follow his orders, and if Trump has told you .01 times, he’s told you a million times, he’s just not up to this.
Republicans, immune to shame, will not be explaining how your kids will stay healthy this school year. The American Academy of Pediatrics informs us that it’s easy, once we first eliminate coronavirus. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines are TLDR! for Donald, and so the CDC intends to remove the hard stuff and add some compliments. Dr. Anthony Fauci shows us that Trump doesn’t have to fire people he can ignore. Dr. Trump also reminds us that while testing is a known cause of COVID-19, fake testing will allow hydroxychloroquine to cure COVID-19. Scientists have seen evidence of brain damage and hallucinations with even mild Covid-19 Coronavirus infection, but can’t really explain how Trump has displayed symptoms for so long.
Schools in non-Trump countries have been more successful.
New Jersey will require people to wear masks outdoors. Mississippi legislators have discovered just how democratic pandemics can be. The Houston convention center canceled the Republican Party of Texas' in-person convention, giving attendees only days to talk their kids into turning on their computers.
Jared Kushner thought he could kick back a few months on replenishing masks and PPE, but it turns out that this son-in-law gig was a lot tougher and longer than he anticipated. Most of the White House nepotism hires feel Jared’s pain. DC staffing is so inbred because conservatives simply have no chance of finding anyone to mate with.
Never take for granted some rural voters hatred of Donald Trump.