Thu, 26 March 2020
For your safety and others, follow best practices, including listening to David Waldman and Greg Dworkin on KITM :
Let this doctor demonstrate how you aren’t remotely doing enough when you bring groceries into your house. On the other hand, unlicensed dermatologists might not know a thing of what they are talking about.
Congratulations America. The MAGA’s hit the fan now, with 3 million filing for unemployment. The stock market loves their cut in overhead. Now, if only our businessman president could come up with a way of trimming off those low ROI over-50 government teet-suckers, he might yet become competitive with those smarty-pants in South Korea and Germany... or at least purport to be.
Social media gives us a chance to reconnect to old friends, and actors acting as our friends, with differing degrees of success, of course. We now have the opportunity to be entertained as we discover the horrors approaching us. The internet will need to up its game however to keep us sane over the next few months.
It’s a Waffle House Index Red, as Republicans dive for shelter between Donald’s cheeks. If only they knew! (They knew.) If only they were told! (They were told.) Someone should check to see if landlords have granite countertops and microwave ovens in their homes.
Wed, 25 March 2020
We have clambered up to Wednesday, a hump that feels like a mountain. KITM sherpas, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin inch us back down towards Friday:
Prince Charles has the ‘rona, and Waffle House is closed. Now what will we do? Nope, going back in time is not an option. There will be no such thing as a functioning economy and society unless we work together. You’ve got a friend in James Taylor. Ford’s using car parts to save lives. People are are finally getting interested in infectious disease epidemiology! Then again, some people just aren’t that into a functioning society. (They boost gun sales.)
Politics and pandemics are a volatile mix. Red and Blue are still oil and water, but that is all going to change once the reality spreads across the country. Even Fox viewers might be catching on, despite the efforts of Fox News. At the Capitol they discovered coronavirus isn’t just for the little guy, fostering newfound bipartisan terror and cooperation.
It seems as if Donald Trump will never figure out anything, but in reality Donald just doesn’t share any priorities with anyone else. Shutting 6 Trump resorts got his attention, though. (Chuck Schumer closed that door, yay!) Trump resorts, never healthy, are also infected.
Coronavirus has now infected polling. People were temporarily relieved when Trump didn’t go for the nukes, but that bump in popularity will drop if Glenn Beck drops dead. Well, perhaps not, but coronavirus will change the equation, once this administration’s true performance starts to show negative results, and the account comes due.
Someday we will recover from all of this and get back to prosecuting the crimes this administration helped commit.
Tue, 24 March 2020
Tune in today and listen to David Waldman and KITM. Listen, it’s the safest thing you will do all day!
Donald Trump is tired of Coronavirus and people whining about his stupidity, and he has come up with a solution—observe what others have discovered that works, and just do the opposite, by mandating PDA’s, (with the exception of Asians, natch) early enough to rekindle a proper plague, but before the money he and Munchin divvy out turns to toilet paper. Oh, and sell the rubes some poison before that herd gets too thinned out. Hey, if you can’t trust the president of the United States, who can you trust? If you don’t smell something wrong with that, you probably already have COVID-19. Incredibly, Liz Cheney has kept her sense of smell all these years.
Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick, for one, welcomes our virus overlords, and feels his mom and yours would be happy and proud to be death-paneled for the youngs. Matthew Dowd’s motto is “All 401Ks Matter”.
Elon Musk heroically, brilliantly, devises a way to make you think he made 1,200 respirators. Actually, he did “produce” them, and that’s nice. Trump purported GM and Ford were starting ventilator production, which is “true”, depending on your idea of what “start” and “production” means. Now all they need to do is produce a few thousand trained operators.
A soirée in Connecticut was a superspreader hotspot, but can’t compare to the coronavirus party being thrown over at Liberty University attended by 5,000 energetic enthusiastic evangelicals in the heart, or maybe lungs, of Virginia. Hobby Lobby won’t be closing, but might transfer some employees to the afterlife in the near future.
Did you ever notice how all disaster movies have a Rand Paul character in them?
Someday we will recover from all of this and get back to counting all the ways Donald Trump has scammed people.
Joan McCarter tells us that the Republican bubble won’t protect them, and might kill us. The Democrats fight to keep the coronavirus stimulus focused on workers and hospitals. The Republicans stick with slush funds and kneecapping the poor. Chuck Schumer keeps the momentum going in the right direction.
Mon, 23 March 2020
Donald Trump gave the Coronavirus one more week on its diet while he determines the acceptable level of death required to keep the Dow over 20. A week without golf, and having to stand up over and over again has begun to take its toll on Donald. He fired most of the people who could have let him slack through this. Fortunately for us, Dr. Anthony Fauci and his hippocratic oath are still there pushing for our safety. Fauci understands that Trump needs only one good reason, or any bad reason and he be out of there.
Republicans also know that not a moment can be spared to ensure the safety of their slush fund. The Typhoid Mary of libertarians, Rand Paul is now quarantined, further weakening Moscow Mitch McConnell’s control of his vote. Of course, just being caught trading the safety of millions to make a killing in insider trading might be considered a public relations loss for the Gop.
Around the world people take action. Italian Mayors take a flamethrower (literally) to quarantine violators. The Olympics’s Dick Pound isn’t sitting on his hands either. Ladies take it to the streets, and right to your door for a delivery fee. Gun shop owners are sort of like the healthcare givers of guns. Meanwhile, Trump’s tiny dirty hands reach around the world. The Trump touch of death reaches the Peace Corps. Defying all odds, Bibi Netanyahu somehow clings to life.
Greg Dworkin tells us to not be Philadelphia, but be St. Louis. Why the Coronavirus has been so successful. How the Coronavirus became an American catastrophe. What is coming, what needs to be done, now and in the future.
Fri, 20 March 2020
It's a day away from the microphone, during which we bring you back in time to our March 20, 2019 episode. With Greg Dworkin’s help, we finally got around to the hilarious-but-equally-insane story of the Devin Nunes lawsuit.
Bernie Sanders’ latest hires roil the social media waters. Rod Rosenstein will be staying put for the time being, as we await the Mueller… whatever thingy. Daniel Dale presents another of his trademark catalogs of a particular genre of Trump lie.
Trump and George Conway are going at it on Twitter again. But at least Conway is alive, unlike Trump’s other favorite target, John McCain. About which, Sen. Johnny Isakson says he just might get riled up over that, soon.
Germans may love David Hasselhoff, but they’re not exactly loving 5G.
The New York State Attorney General says everything is just fine at the Trump Foundation.
Trump inserts himself into the life-and-death decision-making at the FAA after the latest Boeing crash, which is fine because he has a private jet. So, you know. There you go.
Thu, 19 March 2020
That’s it. David Waldman checks into the hospital tomorrow. The good news is, he doesn’t have to! Totally elective surgery. So, while David’s getting “some work done” tomorrow, he gets some work done today:
People are getting smarter, but not quick enough. Greg Dworkin tells the youngs to get off his lawn and back into their houses. Florida’s Governor DeSantis takes the advice of Amity’s Mayor Vaughn, and as you can see, “it’s a beautiful day”. (Republicans knew.) Still, Americans are facing this threat down together… unless they can afford their own ventilator.
People are dying who have never died before, so our superb, great, very good War President leapt into… no hurry. Trump knows it’s more important to look in charge than to be in charge. And, for all Republicans, racism is in-charge behavior.
The first coronavirus folk hero emerges. Welcome Dr. Amy “Action” Acton, MPH, homecoming queen, cheerleader, National Honor Society alumni and Ohio’s Department of Health director. Here is her story, one of the last from the 150 years of stories out of the Youngstown Vindicator.
The Norwegian University of Science and Technology urges students to return from any shitholes they might be stuck in and return home. The Trump administration personally drove a Chinese scientist home, where he made a breakthrough in coronavirus testing. Chinese have been inspired to make breakthroughs recently. There are still a few smarties left in the US though.
Backs against the wall, some in charge have dreamt up fantastic new concepts which they like to call “Medicare for All” and “Universal Basic Income”. Maxine Waters does have a plan, and it sounds pretty good. Mitch McConnell thinks so.
Congress should have stayed at home or stayed in DC but did neither. So far, two Reps have COVID-19. It could be much worse; it could be air traffic controllers. Prince Albert prank calls may now commence. Twitter takes steps to reduce the transmission of coronavirus evil. Fox might need to be quarantined.
Wed, 18 March 2020
Time for your medicine.
It’s pretty nasty stuff, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin brought along a little sugar: Citizens finally are embracing their civic duty by voting, fighting suppression and coronavirus yesterday to vote at record numbers! And, Donald Trump’s approval rating is now where it should be, at 4%. Oh, no, make that 44% — wow.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump, megaphone in hand, stands on a mountain of rubble he himself created. Who could have ever predicted this, except for those predicting it for years? Thanks, Obama, for this excellent guide on how to prepare for pandemic influenza. Donald misses those old scandals that he could golf through.
The really bad news: When you flatten the curve, the curve goes on longer. Many are already deciding between staying home and being able to afford to keep their home. Expect this to go on, not for weeks, but for months. We are not doomed, but this is war. If we do this just right, only thousands, not millions will die. Unfortunately, the UK already screwed up and we have these guys. It really sucks, but here we are.
Trump might be putting the government on this eventually… purportedly. Dale Cabaniss, the director of the government’s Office of Personnel Management, says take this job and shove it. What if Congress doesn’t show up for work?
Not enough disaster for you? How about an earthquake?
Tue, 17 March 2020
David Waldman holds it all together with us for a couple of hours:
The people who 2 weeks ago said this was a hoax, and 1 week ago said it was an overreaction, sold out gun stores yesterday once they finally began to get what we’ve been telling them. Well, maybe they still don’t quite get it, but they are beginning to, maybe.
The UK only realised "in the last few days" that its coronavirus strategy would "likely result in hundreds of thousands of deaths", but hey, in China they are closing their temporary hospitals in Wuhan, so we might be able to pick up some discount respirators.
Joan McCarter calls in to assure us that Idaho still exists, and give us the latest DC news:
Moscow Mitch McConnell’s urgent plea for coronavirus bill action has turned out to be not so urgent, as he first waits for a few old Republican judges to show some symptoms. Mitch might do something today, if Elizabeth Warren doesn’t come over the railing at him first. So, for now Louie Gohmert holds our future in his hands.
Mon, 16 March 2020
Hanging around the house today? This week? The next few weeks? Great! Hole up with us at KITM and finally listen to David Waldman and Greg Dworkin without earbuds, volume up! Who’s going to stop you? Welcome to the pandemic of a lifetime… until the next one! (Which could be starting somewhere at this very second!)
Perv-a-lago has always been Parasite-a-Lago, and therefore is naturally a coronavirus hot spot. Ronna Romney McDaniel caught something down there, but who knows what. Matt Gaetz didn’t catch a thing, but doesn’t allow that to spoil his spring break.
What happens in Las Vegas isn’t going to happen in Las Vegas for a while. Go home. Stay home. Social distancing can be fun and rewarding. The young and unafraid can stop killing others by staying inside. Wash your hands. Ordering food might be ok. Your cook might not be sick, after all. And, it keeps you off the road.
If we do this right, Trump can take credit for it. If we don’t, we only have ourselves to blame. There are a lot more mistakes to be made, and unintended consequences to discover. Conservatives piss on everything, then run their tongues along it. Oh, they do have a plan too, but where is Mao Zedong when you need him? Maybe a fellow sociopath can show them the light.
Our Sociopath in Chief, Donald Trump, breaks every health crisis rule, lies about it, then lies about that, then lies about that, and promises to do lie about that as often as he can. MAGAs usually dig that, but are beginning to come down with doubts.
The Trump economy had to be halted again this morning. Donald Trump has a totally normal temperature. People say “Sir, how is your temperature so normal? In an abundance of caution a rectal thermometer soon will be placed on Mike Pence’s nose.
Fri, 13 March 2020
David Waldman self-isolates to that secluded area over by the toaster oven to bring us today’s dispatch:
The reality is hitting the Capital hard now as their soirees have become imperiled.
It was only last week when Donald Trump assured us that COVID-19 was only one miracle away from disappearing, but now he’s treating it like it’s “some big emergency”. In between, Donald tried ignorance, denial, suppression, and lying, but as usual those solutions have come up short. Trump became so desperate, he even tried reading out loud on live TV.
Rugged individualist Fox watchers have rushed out to buy gold and eat silver. (Really, people do that.) (Don’t.) Fox nimbly executed the quick flip from “It’s a HOAX!” to “It’s a CONSPIRACY!”, but Republicans are still stuck straddling the two. Susan Collins laid the groundwork to make this all possible. So what could we do? China has a great deal on some used ventilators.
Did you know that nobody liked Mike Bloomberg much?
Thu, 12 March 2020
People used to think this was a joke. It is not time to be funny anymore. It is time to be nice, and careful, and to ignore Donald Trump. Oh f@#%, that was a bad speech last night, wrong in almost every way. Remember, those are nacho experts — stick with your local public health departments!
Trump could profit from the coronavirus testing the CDC is sticking with, but shouldn’t. Ingredients for the tests are being made and used in Europe right now. The CDC hasn’t actually tried any of their tests out yet. Even at maximum capacity, this solution is no longer good enough. We probably lost our chance to be “South Korea”, and we are fast approaching “Italy”. 89,000 local governments are supposed to have a meeting about this soon.
Experts estimate 70 or up to 150 million people in the U.S. will contract coronavirus, and with only about 400 thousand available hospital beds, that would mean all beds should be filled by about May 10, unless estimates are completely wrong, then it would be May 16. Even now, hospitals are making do by improvising. Of course, those efforts can only go so far.
Wed, 11 March 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are the bearers of bad news, told well:
It’s now or never for the US to buckle down, and bring this coronavirus outbreak under control. We can learn from our past experiences and the present experience of others. Canceling events and self-quarantines will save lives by flattening the curve. Take Trump out of your advice and guidance if you want any respect.
Well, hello Joe! Last night white men showed they would turn up for Hillary Clinton, as long as she’s Joe Biden. Older black voters also came out in force for Barack Obama’s vice president. Youth, and math have been ghosting Bernie’s calls lately. Rallies are now out, unless you want to own the libs from your local triage unit. There is another debate remaining, though the only thing that might make it worth watching would be a table with no moderators, a couple of blue plate early bird specials, bottomless coffee, and their choice of pie... Two hours, just let them talk.
Montana Democrats have their top candidate in the Senate race now, and might actually have a chance.
Tue, 10 March 2020
David Waldman is back! And so are you! Congratulations! (But no shaking hands.)
Trump would fiddle while the whole world burns, if he had an inclination to do anything, which he doesn’t, so here we are. Meanwhile, the Fox flu continues its spread. The CPAC Pandemic in fact might have exposed at least 5 Republicans, and as usual Jim Jordan saw nothing.
Of those who might have coronavirus, Doug Collins was first to take the opportunity to share his with Donald Trump. Then, Matt Gaetz rode over to the airport with Trump, flew in Air Force One with him, and made sure to disperse the virus thoroughly throughout the plane. Man, you don’t even want to know what Mike Pence did...
Who knows how many reporters have attempted by this point to infect Trump, but Donald refuses to give them, or the coronavirus, the satisfaction of being tested, or of canceling his rallies. He’s decided that by now what people don’t know, can’t hurt him. Mike Pence begged Bibi Netanyahu to not have Israel ban only the US carriers of the Trump virus, so instead Bibi banned everyone.
Mon, 9 March 2020
Max Von Sydow, checkmate at 90.
David Waldman, handling the KITM microphone with only his toes for the time being, carefully ushers in a new week:
Coronavirus is a huge PR problem for Donald Trump, although Trump projects only a couple million dead, and most wouldn’t have voted for him anyhow. Greg Dworkin reminds us that coronavirus doesn’t care about your happy talk, and the the market cares even less about Donald’s.
While Trump is BS-ing, are we mitigating or containing? You can deny reality until you are blue in the face, but an information bubble will only protect you for so long. Emerald City Comic Con, SXSW Austin, and Connecticut state universities and colleges do their part to flatten the curve. Schools should close before it’s too late. North Korea has a lot of sick people now, as Italy locks up and pulls down the shade.
No, stop lying, America: You were never gonna vote for a woman president. Of course, it is never their time until we make it the time. Warren women will go where they want, unfortunately now seems to be the time for the safe choice, and the safest choice is apparently Joe. There is an ever widening and more meaningful gap in the Bernie-Biden polling.
Erik Prince recruited ex-spies to be pretend spies for pretend pimps and real perverts over at Project Veritas. Speaking of a pervert, six former wrestlers say Jim (Gym) Jordan knew about the abuse at OSU. Speaking of spies, here’s what Russia is doing in Ireland, and how Saudi Arabia infiltrated Twitter.
Fri, 6 March 2020
David Waldman presents the Friday KITM, sanitized for your protection:
Today, Donald Trump discovered the true threat of COVID-19, and routed Air Force One around it to Mar-a-Lago, where it’s safe. Donald’s on-the-job training still isn’t going well. The WHO now describe this as a pandemic, but Trump’s coronavirus response was doomed from the start, and is not getting any better.
More gun on person violence in our schools occurred when a Texarkana student shot himself in the good-guy-with-a-gun hand.
At least less people get shot in empty schools. Schools close for coronavirus in Washington, California and Pennsylvania. Hospitals fill up. The CDC tells a nurse this isn’t happening, because it is impossible for it to happen.
Trump’s glowing orb has gone into hiding.
The Trump financial slump continues, except for maybe bleach and zinc tablet futures. People presently are so distraught, you can see a run on toilet paper stretching from Australia to Seattle. Rick Santelli, inventor of the Tea Party, brings us his latest brainchild, again reaching to the past for inspiration. Trump will never have a personal financial slump with all the grifts he has going.
You’ve heard the chants: “Build! The! Tennis! Court!”. Melania Trump listened.
A federal judge on the Mueller FOIA case believes that under William Barr’s redactions lies William Barr’s lies. Trump and Barr’s solution to this will be to do nothing, as that hasn’t let them down yet. The Kentucky Gop are introducing bills to take away the authority of the Democratic Governor. David suggests the Gov take a page from Trump and just do nothing.
Thu, 5 March 2020
David Waldman braved coming into work today, even though he had not contracted COVID-19.
You’d think everyone would know by now, the coronavirus spread is only made worse when Donald Trump is allowed to pull stuff out of his ass. The CDC blocked a FDA scientist when he tried solve things too quickly for them.
Greg tells us that if you want to look into the future of the coronavirus in the US, read Seattle’s local news. The first public school district in New York closes in response to COVID-19 Starbucks doesn’t want see your dirty lips even on your own cup.
Nevertheless, the Democratic primary persists. The average person is a little better looking, a lot better driver, and quite a bit smarter than others. They’re also see themselves right about in the middle of the political spectrum, and see Joe Biden right there with them. Did Bernie Sanders fail to deliver the youth? Did the youth fail to deliver Bernie Sanders? Or were they all just overwhelmed by an even bigger Boomer boom? Win or lose, Bernie helped send the Overton window into a new Zip code.
Meanwhile, presidential adviser Jared Kushner advised himself into another financial bonanza. A constitutional earthquake sends the US teetering towards tyranny, and congress back to exercising inherent contempt.
Wed, 4 March 2020
Middle of the week, beginning of a pandemic, but we are past Super Tuesday!
Eventually COVID-19 infections will be down to zero. (After all, how many people presently have the Spanish Flu? ) If you want to look into the future though, look into Seattle’s local news. The US is past containment, onto mitigation. Donald Trump is so confused, he can barely obfuscate, so ignore Trump, find rational sources and stick with those.
Yesterday was a super Tuesday for Landslide Joe. Not so much Bernie. Meanwhile, Bloomberg suspends, Warren reassesses, better luck next time Jessica Cisneros, too bad Cenk Uygur, and hooray for Katie Porter!
Yes, we are back to Uncle Joe at the top. Thanks to the 40% that were forced to make their choice in the last few days, or James Clyburn, or Emo Joe’s not-Hunter son Pete... Thank anybody but the establishment. Tuesday demonstrated that if you take who people actually want to vote for and add fear, that equals electability and Safety Joe is looking safer every day. Biden still has to worry about militant vegans, but not so much Wall Street, and definitely should be wary of previous decisions sneaking up on him... Of course that was a different time. (unless Joe thinks getting votes means it is “that time” again)
Democrats continue to fear… everything, and thus are a bit shy to subpoena John Bolton, let alone enforce existing subpoenas. David suggests they gather up their testicles, ovaries, etc. and tackle this.
Tue, 3 March 2020
We’ll talk about Tuesday on Wednesday as usual. Meanwhile, please enjoy today’s KITM with David Waldman and Joan McCarter, from the safety of your own home:
@#&%! James Lipton actor, academic, author, choreographer, interviewer, scriptwriter, lyricist, etc. has died at 93. Last night, MSNBC overflowed with eulogies for Chris Matthews, who isn’t dead, but was found buried under years of bad behavior.
Speaking of dying, Alan Grayson believed the Republican health care plan was: Don’t get sick. And if you do get sick, die quickly. Grayson was wrong — the Republicans ended up having no plan at all. Pharmaceutical CEOs tried to give Trump a clue, but he avoids those like, well, you know.
Thanks Obamacare, for making the coronavirus vaccine free… so far. The Supreme Court will hear a challenge to the Affordable Care Act this fall, before the election, and before another flu season. A million hospital beds might seem like a lot... too bad we have a lot less than that, and most are filled already. So, the healthcare industry is pushing Congress to pay for the cost of mandatory quarantines of patients who might have coronavirus.
A judge rules that anti-immigrant loudmouth Ken Cuccinelli was unlawfully appointed to lead U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services in violation of the Federal Vacancies Reform Act. Those are all pretty big words, so don’t expect much from Donald Trump. Roger Stone, sentenced to 40 months in Gotham State Penitentiary does deserve a little more, but co-conspirator Donald plans to give him less. You’d think someone would’ve seen this coming, and it turns out that it was the Founding Fathers.
Mon, 2 March 2020
Dr. Dworkin, political pundit and pediatric pulmonologist, wears both hats today to explain how the evolving coronavirus outbreak challenges our public officials. Wear a hockey mask to keep your finger out of your nose, but those paper ones aren’t that necessary. Get cautious, get prepared, but don’t get panicked. Seasonal flu and coronavirus can be compared responsibly. Pandemic flu and coronavirus can also be compared responsibly.
And, as we click up to the top of Super Tuesday hill on the Democratic Primary rollercoaster, will there be a contested convention at the bottom? It’s time again for a KITM-splainer on delegates, superdelegates, and the process, procedure and merits of a meritocracy in the Democratic party political system.
Fri, 28 February 2020
Yay, David Waldman makes it to the weekend—and you reading this, yay, you made it too!
The Trump virus is now the Pence Pandemic. Look forward to shortages of everything but incompetence and idiots, for which this administration seems perfectly geared to support. Quarantines could make everything worse. Of course, we don’t have anywhere to put people anyhow. Then there’s the economy...
But look on the bright side! Wow, is there a bright side? Well, it turns out there was no fraud in Bolivia's elections last October... Of course, that’s a bit late for their democracy, and for president Evo Morales, who was overthrown.
Donald Trump continues to dismantle our democracy before our elections. The US Justice Department helps Joe Arpaio try to erase his contempt verdict. We might still get an election, for what that’s worth. Are the Democrats still the party of norms, rules, and process? Will they continue to be that party? How do we keep it that way?
Thu, 27 February 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin don their hazmat suits to deliver a totally virus-free KITM:
Have you caught the Trump Flu yet? Oh, you probably will, but that’s not the big problem. At least compared to the number of us who will catch it and how well we all will be able to respond to that number. And that does look pretty bad.
With the election nearing, Donald Trump finally found a boat anchor in Mike Pence’s size. Trump assures us — which isn’t that reassuring — by stating that all is well and until it’s Mike’s fault it was Nancy’s, along with several other of his best words, as if anyone still cared.
After all, why should Trump care? The virus is bound to spread first in heavily populated, low income urban areas with Democratic mayors that are pretty much Flint to Donald, in fact they are practically Puerto Rico. Anyhow, Trump fired the people who could handle a pandemic last year, because after all, we didn’t have a pandemic last year. Don’t worry, those people are easy to find if he needs them.
Can you believe it — are still having an election? You know, somebody’s bound to win. Democrats plan to return to their Trump concerns… later. Donald’s so unleashed, he’s rerunning old transgressions, putting John Ratcliffe through the DNI wringer again. Richard Grenell is awful in so many ways that it’s difficult to come up with new examples, but Julian Assange manages to offer us some more. A House panel says pro-Trump lunatic stalker Robert Hyde isn’t that into cooperation.
Wed, 26 February 2020
David Waldman didn’t watch last night’s Democratic debate and does not have Coronavirus COVID-19, so frankly, all he has is hearsay to rely upon. Lucky for all of us Greg Dworkin and Joan McCarter are here to say information we can rely upon.
Donald Trump is back from India and probably stopped at all the drive-throughs coming back from the airport. Can you believe no one heard of hamberders over there? And their samoas are called “samosas” and taste weird! Dr. Ronny Jackson finds getting Republican votes as tough as getting Donald to open up for a spoonful of peas. Trump also can’t stomach girl justices anymore. Why? Well, you know.
Democratic presidential candidates gathered for their 10th scrum of the season, but the moderators forgot to bring their ref whistles. Some gave Elizabeth Warren the win, but judges skewed points toward highest bellowing decibels. Mike Bloomberg won during the debate breaks. League of Women Voters, where are you?
Joe Biden gets a James Clyburn boost into South Carolina, but Bernie Sanders has got this thing in the bag, as long as no one says anything bad about him for a few months. Please, black voters don’t want to talk about which candidate is the blackest. Mitch McConnell knows the path to Republican success is always right up the uterus.
Tue, 25 February 2020
Another debate tonight! There can’t be many more of those, at least for a few of them up there. And then there’s Super Tuesday, or one of them, because aren’t all Tuesdays a little super with KITM and David Waldman?
Richard Walters started at the RNC at 23 years old and in just 7 years is well on his way to millions through double, and even triple dipping. What’s not to love with this guy?
How does Ivanka Trump do.. No wait, she doesn’t do anything.
Donald Trump, the black swan president, meets his black swan threat with Coronavirus-19, and finds his usual dosage of lies non-efficacious. International Olympic Committee member, Dick Pound, isn’t just going to stand around and… “twiddle his thumbs”... waiting for action.
Roger Stone tried to force Judge Amy Berman Jackson to recuse herself because she praised the jurors for serving with "integrity”. Trump wants the two female Supreme Court justices to recuse themselves because… well, he’s still working on that rationale. Hang on, Ginni Thomas is volunteering to sub in for them.
Mon, 24 February 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin welcome us to another episode of NKN, Nobody Knows Nothing™. Of course, those two know some things, but check out all that people don’t know:
So, let’s talk about Bernie Sanders. Bernie could be the nominee, and our unity candidate. And, unity is certainly something we can use. But, he could lose! He could make Jewish voters flee to Canada! He could make Never Trumpers not Never anymore! It could be worse than 2016, in fact it could be 2008 all over again! This is all great news for John McCain. Then again, nobody knows nothing.
The good news is that the ignorance in this country dropped by half once Air Force One lifted off the tarmac to India. Meanwhile, back in the States, Trump’s hit list is still being compiled, a tough job considering that even folks like Richard Grenell weren’t goose stepping that high just a couple of years ago.
Fri, 21 February 2020
David Waldman drops us off at the door of the weekend, rings the doorbell, but didn’t run off without first packing us something:
Donald Trump has been fighting intelligence for years, and it looks as if he is winning, by replacing too-smart Joseph Maguire with anti-smart Richard Grenell and Kash Patel once a classified briefing leaked to those members of Congress not paid in rubles. Pаботник месяца Dana Rohrabacher hoped to pay Julian Assange in pardons. Are Russians “pro-Trump” or just “anti-American”? Jake Tapper isn’t sure.
In North Carolina, the state appeals court temporarily blocked their draconian, racist voter ID law. This is seen as a “win” for Democrats, as they are not draconian racists.
David mentioned longleafpineslate.org fourteen times on today’s show, so from that figure alone you might guess longleafpineslate.org could be an important site to remember... You’d be correct! Blair Reeves launched longleafpineslate.org to break a decade of GOP misrule in North Carolina. The Long Leaf Pine Slate helps raise money for Democratic challengers running to flip Gop seats in the NC General Assembly. North Carolina is big, important, and would already be blue if it wasn’t for those working hard to turn it white. NC clearly has a lot to fix, and you can help. That’s longleafpineslate.org.
Friend of the show, and friend of Daily Kos, peacearena, aka activist, writer, tech consultant Serena Blaiz, tells us of an intrusive, ineffective, and dangerous tool in Congress’ surveillance toolbox that should be just thrown away.
Thu, 20 February 2020
Don’t ask David Waldman how the debates went, he didn’t watch them. Oh wait, you can ask him, we just spent the last couple of hours finding out all about them.
We’re all awaiting the Roger Stone sentencing (Spoiler Alert!), but it probably doesn’t matter. Trump will pardon him once Roger’s check clears. The humanly decent thing to do would be to lock Stone away from decent humanity forever.
Hey, wasn’t it like… yesterday when Elizabeth Warren was completely doomed? Then Liz came in and walloped, pummeled, thrashed, and clobbered Mike Bloomberg at the Democratic debate. She eviscerated Bloomberg. Stepped on him like King Kong. Tore him a dozen new ones. Why, Elizabeth Warren took Mike Bloomberg and…
Greg Dworkin says all that probably won’t matter. Bernie’s way in the lead, especially if you are under 50. (Those over 50 may have actually seen an actuarial table.) Warren wasted her entire time last night building her brand and broadening her base instead of tilting at Bernie. Who pays attention to debates anyhow? They probably don’t matter. As predicted, Bloomberg blew the debate but today bought a few endorsements to make himself feel nice. Anyhow, you didn’t see any Dems do that thing someone said they should do if they really want to beat Trump... Eh, it probably won’t matter.
And, it’s @Darwin_Darko deja vu as we finally get to listen to Darwin’s unabridged report on the new members of our new Space Force. “Spacemen” and “space cadets” are out, so what do we call them? What does military publication Stars and Stripes do when Trump treats them like PBS?
Wed, 19 February 2020
How do you feel this morning? Norms and institutions are falling all around us. David Waldman breaks the news: The Boy Scouts file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, which could be only the start of their financial woes until they pick up a little business sense.
Tonight’s Democratic debate won’t be only rousing entertainment. This one is important. Introducing an old rich white guy into the mix might bring untold volatility to this race. Bernie Sanders might as well give up his double digit lead and go home. Psst. Have you heard? Bernie’s a “socialist”. The “Democratic Socialist” label isn’t playing well in local diners, especially with those not enthusiastic about the “Democratic” label.
And, what about Elizabeth Warren you say? Hey, don’t count out Warren yet! Ok, Greg Dworkin says perhaps you can. Listen, he doesn’t make the rules. Who knows who does… but just never trust the opinion of bogus respondents, they will always let you down.
While you are voting, and if you happen to be voting in Maine, vote for Sara Gideon. Mainers might be just finding out about Sara, but they already are beginning to like her more than Susan Collins, who finally might become troubled.
Donald Trump got a little pardon practice in yesterday. He needs to limber up for the big league players. Rod Blagojevich joins the Trumpocrats, as Donald drains the penitentiaries back into the swamp. Trump gave his pardonees a trial by their peers… who all hope for their pardons in the future, and share a well-founded hatred of laws. William Barr gets that, unlike those thousands of former DOJ officials and judges working against his boss, the chief law enforcement officer of the country.
Tue, 18 February 2020
Today only—David Waldman extends his KITM Presidents’ Day Sale—try it for 30 days, and if you’re not completely satisfied… Well, you will be satisfied. Check out all we have to offer:
Donald Trump is defunding Stars and Stripes to pay for the wall that he promised Mexico would pay for. Republicans worried most about acquitting Trump are much more cheerful now that their checks cleared.
Joan McCarter skypes in to tell us Moscow Mitch has blocked about 400 House-passed bills. Mitch won’t let the Senate vote to secure the election, although McConnell does have some sure-fail anti-abortion bills to push through, to help calm the nerves of Senators such as Susan Collins. Susan happens to be concerned about re-election, but has never been awfully troubled by Senate rules. As long as Collins has Trump’s back, he has hers… maybe.
Mon, 17 February 2020
Yesterday, it was a nice day for a white nationalist wedding. Today, it’s a nice day to start again with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bringing us news and analysis:
Donald Trump gets the old gang back together one more time, before they’re all picking litter off highway medians. Welcome back, Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Hope Hicks, and John McEntee! Donald’s best friends are always the ones on which he has the best balance of kompromat. By the way, it’s never too late for Rudy Colludy Giuliani to go into the barrel and under the bus... then right back onto the team again.
BFFs Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have already had a falling out over their preferred omnipresent covert surveillance overlords.
The big question of 2020 is who can win the election. If we don’t vote for policy, what can we vote for? Is the big threat Socialism? Stalinism? No, first worry about Capitalism. Mike Bloomberg makes it rain, while dropping a few more isms, such as racism and sexism. Is it better for African Americans to go with the devil who says he always loved them, or the other one? Racism has been no problem for whites, so it mustn’t be a dealbreaker for black voters.
Wait… Is Amy Klobuchar the “Mary Ann”?
Why can’t schools make meals like Mom used to make, back when Mom was in the mob?
Fri, 14 February 2020
Happy Holidays! It's not Groundhog Day, but the idea is the same, as we re-bring you our Valentine's Day 2019 episode. Like most holidays, Valentine’s Day doesn’t bear much scrutiny, it is what you make of it... And, you can make the most of your day, by making David Waldman and KITM your morning information choice!
A tentative deal is reached in #DenverTeacherStrike. Denver teachers ♥ teacher unions! The House doesn’t ♥ Saudis like Donald Trump does. Americans don’t ♥ Trump's tax plan. The GOP ♥s AOC. No one ♥s the Tea Party anymore. Rep. Ilhan Omar doesn’t ♥ Elliott Abrams, or any genocidal war criminals.
Trump ♥s golf.
Who doesn’t ♥ Greg Dworkin? Greg continues the discussion of the Paul Manafort bombshell, and the deepening mystery in the Russia probe. The US foreign policy community is poorly equipped to cope with individual and community failures, and Loren DeJonge Schulman will tell you how.
Sen. Chris Coons went to the National Prayer Breakfast last week thinking it was a Christian event. Donald Trump set him straight. Trump helps Chuck Grassley find religion. Trump is beginning to figure out that the spending/border bill might not be a winning deal for him. Mitch McConnell hopes Donald figures that out slowly. Does Lou and Sean still ♥ Donald? Laura Ingraham grows a bit cold. Tomi Lahren finds herself the wisest, most sane commentator in her twitter feed. Donald wishes he knew how to quit his wall, but he just can’t. Trump urges the TVA to keep open a coal-burning power plant for the good of coal, his buddy, and money. Trump’s DHS guts task forces protecting elections from foreign meddling. Every day Is a new low in Trump's White House.
Thu, 13 February 2020
On KITM today, David Waldman is here and ready to discuss and examine several things, e.g. ”&”, i.e., an “ampersand”; Pete Buttigieg, mayor of South Bend, father of chicken, and how Iowa’s bullshit is everyone’s bullshit. Also:
Donald Trump and William Barr continue their rampage with Republican acquiescence. Barr has no choice but to resign, unless “not resigning” is a choice, then he’ll probably go with that. Barr will also choose not to do the math on Roger Stone. No reason to choose to do anything correctly if no one is checking your work.
Unredacted emails on Ukraine show how much the OMB was hiding from Congress. The DOJ has finally gotten around to reviewing how much Erik Prince was misleading Congress on Russia. Tired of all of the deception, the Senate Gop arranges for no one to find things out in the first place. Republican Rep. Ross Spano told buddies how cool it would be to violate campaign finance laws. They told him to go for it.
On Tuesday, a former captain of Ohio State’s wrestling team testified about Jim (Gym) Jordan grovelling, on the Fourth of July, tears streaming down his eyes, in an effort to continue his cover-up of serial sexual abuses.
Wed, 12 February 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the big news, and that big news isn’t the New Hampshire primary. Turns out, Bill Barr and Donald Trump are happy to steal headlines too—just throw it all into the back of the truck with everything else.
Don’t tell Susan Collins, but Donald Trump is on the loose, and he has unshackled Attorney General William Barr, who in turn has the keys to the cages of Paul Manafort and Roger Stone. All four prosecutors on the Roger Stone case quit shortly after Fox viewers told them the bad news. Barr has prepared his whole career for this moment. For Trump, this is just another day. Trump orders his firing squads like he orders his Diet Cokes.
Other than the coup d'état, the No. 1 story of the night was the New Hampshire primary. Donald Trump won on the Gop side, and Bernie Sanders edged out Pete Buttigieg, who took second place away from Amy Klobuchar. Mmmm polling!
Jeff Bezos hates Trump.
Christianné Allen, how does she do it?
Tue, 11 February 2020
Today probably isn’t the best day to balance a broom. Dixville Notch may not be exactly the "picture-perfect democracy" we thought it was. Even “Hookers For Jesus” might not be all they seem on the surface.
David Waldman and KITM, you can trust:
Donald Trump ruins people’s day, today in New Hampshire, locally in Manchester. Donald continues his federally supported feud with Jeff Bezos, better yet, Jeff continues his feud with Donald. Donald is a tough guy. A pretty, pretty, pretty tough guy.
Chuck Todd insinuates that Bernie Sanders has certain supporters that behave as an online mob out to bully and intimidate anyone they see in opposition… but then, Chuck leaned into Godwin’s law and now there’s both righteous indignation in the air and blood in the water.
A House staffer reported sexual assault at a VA hospital, so of course the Veterans’ Affairs secretary Robert Wilkie worked to smear her.
Joan McCarter visits with primary news and more:
Utah sends its employees to Mexico for lower prescription prices, pays for airline tickets, throws in 500 bucks and still gets a deal. Why not make it a real holiday and get some teeth pulled?
The Bureau of Land Management is no match for the oil, gas and lithium barons of the wild west, and their hired guns. A well armed benevolent association targets the Mayor of New York, and tells him the “game’s on”.
Mon, 10 February 2020
Last night, for once the Trumps weren’t the most talked about parasite family . The Academy says “Thanks Obama”. Donald hasn’t yet figured out who to expel or investigate in Hollywood, but once Rudy’s free to infiltrate, the DOJ will be waiting.
David Waldman hopes we can learn something from the Iowa caucus debacle before we forget about it. Pete Buttigieg officially took more delegates in IA, while Bernie got more votes. The Iowa Democratic party refuses to correct its math errors, although there could be a recanvass, or maybe even a recount. Of course, the RNC is always standing by to compound any errors. Next caucus, possibly next debacle: Nevada.
New Hampshire voters are now saddled with the paradox of choice in Tuesday’s primary, with Nevada and South Carolina soon after. Greg Dworkin lets us know what to look for, and forward to. Sanders and Buttigieg lead in NH, but with different voters. It doesn’t sound as if they’ll be picking up each other’s supporters any time soon. Neither of them have a grip on black voters like Joe Biden, if that is even what Joe has.
Fri, 7 February 2020
David Waldman brings us part 3 of an exposé on Burisma.
Oh yes, you have heard a lot on Burisma already, and you sure will be hearing a lot more before the election. The Trump administration lower intestine will be feeding regular tidbits to our mainstream news for some time to come, therefore you might as well just stop by here for KITM’s much “less processed” account.
Meanwhile, there's a new abuse of power by Trump that should alarm you, should you ever find out about it. The Trump administration is spending millions to make people dumber every minute. So far that has worked pretty well... But what if everything you think you know about politics is wrong?
Not that it matters of course. You might be surprised to hear that Donald Trump charges the Secret Service premium rates at his hotels. Or... you aren’t surprised because you’ve known about it for years. By the time the real facts come out those facts have been so muddied that…
Wait, that’s not mud. Which brings us one more time back to the Iowa caucus. The caucus-blockus app seems to have been helped by trolls and Trumpers clogging the hotline plumbing, aided by idiot reporters.
Thu, 6 February 2020
David Waldman and guest Greg Dworkin thoroughly consider the day’s events on today’s KITM. Sure, it’s a full two hours, but if you can’t make the time, you might want to reconsider your lifestyle choices.
Speaking from the heart, and moved by faith, Mitt Romney set himself apart from those that have neither. Mitt Romney and Doug Jones are new profiles in courage, while censuring the entire Trump party. Mitt could have spoke up earlier, but in the end it really wouldn’t have mattered. Democrats will need to do this again until they get it right.
Sherrod Brown explains how Republicans can stand Trump, but not how they can stand upright.
Marie Yovanovitch tells us that American institutions need American courage to survive.
Iowa has discovered how to stay at the top of the news cycle. Buttigieg and Sanders lead with... oh, let’s say, “a lot” of the results in. Essentially they canceled the Iowa Caucus a few hours after everyone voted. Will New Hampshire be the final word on Biden’s Joementum? Well, as far as the media is concerned, it does look like a 3 man race.
Wed, 5 February 2020
What a tiresome week. David Waldman takes us… to the middle:
STFU SOTU. Donald Trump doesn’t have much to brag about, but he did give away prizes. Rush Limbaugh, who has never deserved anything that he presently has, now has a participation medal. The one thing that Trump’s speech absolutely was not: Soft and absorbent, therefore Nancy Pelosi only decided she should tear it up. How unpatriotic! Just like Jay-Z, and Beyonce and uhm... Donald Trump.
Greg Dworkin rounds up the pundits—a feat, considering the pundits themselves don’t really know where they are since that caucus-blockus brouhaha Monday. Greg is back to catch us up, Iowa Caucus-wise, so we will have one more chance to review what they are, why they are important, and how to cipher all the numbers before we move on to New Hampshire.
Results are in! Some of them! Maybe! Flip a coin! Still, there are finally some crunchy numbers out there, and some evidence to conclude. Buttigieg and Sanders do have bragging rights, and Mayor Pete will do just that. The fiascos do continue to roll in. Elizabeth Warren lost a delegate when people who didn’t know better took over from people who knew better, but didn’t pipe up. A Buttigieg caucuser discovers she might be a Trumper at heart.
Tue, 4 February 2020
A big week for political junkies, masochists, David Waldman and KITM continues... mostly for the masochists. This is going to leave a mark:
So. What happened? Did anyone win? Did everyone lose? And, that phone app, developed by “Shadow Inc.“ on the behalf of strategy firm “Acronym”—no kidding!—was that the problem? Was it cable news, filling every down minute with stupidity and angst? Is it all the process? Or are caucuses just awful? There is plenty of blame to go around, and maybe some lessons to take away… as long as they take away caucuses too. (Republicans don’t like them either.) This will be a landmark week for trolls, though. David teaches us caucus math, which outside of the 8+ hours in a gym arguing with strangers is the most fun anyone could possibly have at a caucus!
Go ahead, ask Joan McCarter how much fun caucuses are, she’ll tell you. Joan and David chat caucuses, and preview the deeply gifted oration heading our way tonight. It won’t be from John Bolton. He’s not talking.
Mon, 3 February 2020
A big week for political junkies, masochists, David Waldman and KITM: Iowa caucuses today, State of the Union on Tuesday, then a sham acquittal, and onto another Democratic Debate with just a little extra pizzazz.
The Super Bowl pressed two for Spanish with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira trying to subtly send a message to viewers, maybe a little too subtly for Fox viewers. Donald Trump didn’t know who was playing in the Super Bowl, turns out he didn’t even know where they were playing, as Mike Pompeo’s maps were of no help. Trump did however see another opportunity to soak taxpayers, and Donald never leaves money on the table.
Greg Dworkin tells us all we need to know about the Iowa caucuses, except who is going to “win”, which is the least interesting or consequential detail. The highly anticipated Des Moines Register poll was scuttled by big font. Now we all have to guess at the outcome, or wait until the results, or whatever... New rules could muddle the results of the caucuses, but also make them more interesting. Democrats start nipping at each other, right on cue.
Jan. 31, 2020, was the worst day for democracy in America since April 12, 1861. Ken Starr name-drops Martin Luther King Jr. Trump operatives hand out cash to people attending his events in black communities. The Ukraine cover-up continues with no regrets, blocking dozens of emails about Trump’s role in the Ukraine aid freeze, which could have revealed Donald’s state of mind for anyone interested. Republicans are interested in impeaching Joe Biden if he wins the presidency. By that point, impeaching a president on "strictly partisan lines" won’t seem awfully bad to them either. Who could have guessed all this would happen? Dare we overturn the will of the voters by even holding another election?
Fri, 31 January 2020
David Waldman brings us to the weekend, as Donald Trump heads into his super bowel interview victory lap. Maybe Hannity will tell him who’s playing. The impeachment sham trial has an end, but not an exoneration. The facts will keep coming out and justice will prevail. For instance, now we can finally impeach Ronald Reagan!
Well, it could be worse. We all could be on the Doomsday Glacier with the Wuhan flu, or live in England. Actually, it feels like all of that stuff keeps coming towards us. Over and over again. Well, you know what goes around comes around... Oh, Democrats will bring it back most of the way, but we can rely on Republicans to make up the slack when it is their turn. When reality keeps slapping you around, it does become hard to live in the reality-based community.
Ok, Lamar. Lamar Alexander kept his head off a pike. Alexander tweeted many reasons, which apparently even he didn’t bother to read twice. All of the rest of the Gop cowards are scheduled to fall in line today. Will John Roberts finish calling balls and strikes and break a tie, or will he just cut his humiliation and go home?
No one can say Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff didn’t do a great job. This. is. not. the… case. with. Pam... Bondi. Anyhow, who would’ve guessed Hunter Biden was related to Joe? More importantly, what did Burisma do that was wrong, and what did it do with Hunter, or Trump? And what is Burisma still doing with Cofer Black, Coordinator for Counterterrorism, contender for Director of Trump’s CIA, Director of Blackwater, and maybe Hunter’s regular fishing buddy?
Thu, 30 January 2020
Caesar, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Hussein, and Trump. All out there prioritizing their nation’s interests over their own, probably. In fact, it is almost impossible for one to determine where the United States ends and Donald Trump begins. And that one would be Alan Dershowitz, ever since he and most of the Republican conference became anti-woke... All Trump needs is 34 votes. As those are Republican votes, they could add up to maybe 7% of the US population. Republicans pretend to want witnesses, which they could vote for if they would like.
Democrats can try to straighten people out, readdress the facts, play by the rules, but the endgame is so clear Republicans have been playing their bench, heckling the umpire/judge, and just making stuff up without really a care, as if they actually believe this will be all over by the end of this week.
Eh, maybe we’ll all be dead by the weekend from the beer flu. Smart people are working on fixing things, and might be in the lead. Of course, dumb people are also hard at work. You know what’s worse than the Wuhan flu? The regular flu.
Wed, 29 January 2020
Nutty reckless John Bolton can’t be trusted, therefore should testify under oath, to get all the facts out there, right? John Kelly believes Bolton. So does Donald Trump. Rudy Giuliani would trade Bolton’s testimony and many other things to get up on the stand. Mitch McConnell wants to know who will take what to make this all go away. It all depends on how many Republicans want to keep their jobs, and how many want to take one for the team. It could be tough to keep that kabuki in their commedia dell'arte.
There is probably still an election coming up. If so, Joe Biden is still in the lead, although you couldn’t tell the youth that, which will matter if they get in the habit of voting. Nuns are regularly in the habit of course, but presently they sing Joe’s praises.
Tue, 28 January 2020
On to the final day of opening “arguments” from the “president’s” “defense!” (That’s a lot of scare quotes, but that’s life in the Trump Era.)
Joan McCarter joins us in covering what’s happened, and previewing what’s to come. Has there been any real change in the question of whether or not the Senate might be open to calling witnesses? Not if history is any guide. Legal strategists ponder calling on Chief Justice Roberts to issue subpoenas himself. Others are not so sure that works—but hell, try anything! Dershowitz dazzles Republicans by cohabiting their weird little bubble and pretending to be baffled by standards he claims would lead to every president being impeached. But they won’t.
In other news, Pompeo remains embroiled in his unwarranted and lie-filled temper tantrum, in service of the moron who actually can’t read maps. The DCCC rolls out its first Red-to-Blue slate of the election year, as word comes that they’re leaving the NRCC in the dust. Do elections still seem to far off in the future for you? Down in Texas, today’s the first election of 2020.
Mon, 27 January 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us up-to-date, and they have a lot to bring:
Oodles happened this weekend. Remember that teeny-tiny part of it when Republicans told us what they were going to say today? That’s ok, nobody does. John Bolton booted all that into the stratosphere. Remember when John Bolton was a short-fused loose-cannon jerk? A few Republicans seem to have forgot... They probably should have “read the manuscript”, which describes a whole new level of quid pro quo. Republicans, in disarray, don’t know what to do, or pretend to do, or to pretend to pretend to do. Lindsey Graham performs an aggressive retrograde advancement maneuver, stage left. Mike Braun wanders back out of the trenches and into the line of fire.
The death toll from the Wuhan virus more than doubled over the weekend, and has spread to at least 12 countries. China has a quarantine across 16 cities totaling almost 50 million people, as the virus spreads to two to three new people for each person infected. Mongolia closes its border with China, as evidence shows that the outbreak was downplayed at first. Publicly funded scientific infrastructure to the rescue!
Backing way up to last week, you might remember Mike Pompeo was a dick. Most voters polled said they wanted Donald Trump removed from office, and just about any Democrat to replace him, but mostly Joe Biden, although, as of last week it was still way too close. Back to impeachment... That call doesn’t sound so perfect anymore. Rudy Colludy went back with buddies Lev and Igor further than he remembers, unless it was only those two pulling Trump’s strings all along! Will Alan Dershowitz remember that there’s already precedence against his case?
Fri, 24 January 2020
Yesterday Adam Schiff soared ever higher in a plea for truth, justice and the American way. In counterpoint, Trump forces asserted their innocence with promises of heads on pikes, and Trump shouting at henchman Igor to take Marie Yovanovitch out. Lev Parnas is so untrustworthy that he was repeatedly in contact with a top aide to the ranking republican on the House Intel Committee. Besides, Ronald Reagan did it all too, maybe worse, and he’s beloved!
Today is the last day to dislodge Trump before Republicans attempt to stuff him back in. Much of the Democratic strategy is to preemptively refute the steaming pile of Republican narrative. Did Nancy Pelosi buy Dems time to get their case together?
Ivanka moved a lot of money through Iran, lining the pockets of some guy named Soleimani. A Soviet counterintelligence officer exited the June 2016 Trump tower meeting with Don Jr., picked up half a million bucks on his way out, and opened up his own Anti-Defamation League. If you want to talk real money however, check out what FIFA passes around.
Surprise — the leader of an American neo-Nazi terror group is tight with Russians.
Oops — the opioid crisis isn’t a “public health emergency” anymore.
Thu, 23 January 2020
So far no one has shouted “Objection! Your Honor” or “Overruled. Proceed.” and yet even Matt Gaetz has been impressed with how the Democrats made their case. Republican Senators would be so impressed if they attended, or attended to, the trial. Senator Mike Braun hasn’t even attended to the last few years. It could have been worse, but a couple of Republicans needed it to look fair.
Support for removing Trump exceeds his support. A lot of his base knows Trump broke the law, but wish that no one else did. Most Americans however want witness testimony. A majority of Americans know Trump broke the law, and most want his removal.
White voters are polarizing on class, people of color are managing to avoid that.
Oh, if only we could go back, start over and pretend this never happened, but alas, that isn’t happening. No one is overturning the election. That is one of those lies, that if you debunk it, you end up spreading it. Donald Trump lies and lies and lies, but, he just said he didn’t so maybe… No, he lies. And who can blame him? When has lying ever let him down? The White House Memo relies four times on the Sondland call where Trump said, "I want no quid pro quo." That never happened. There is proof it didn’t happen. But, who are you going to believe?
Trump’s legal rebuttal to the House's impeachment case avoided the truth whenever possible. The White House brief’s attached OLC memo says that subpoenas issued prior to 10/31/19 are invalid because there was not a formal impeachment inquiry vote. In fact, the White House argues that a conviction could be "unconstitutional" because of the way the House's articles are written. David explores how any of that could be considered true.
Wed, 22 January 2020
IT’S ... Kagro in the Morning!
David Waldman reviews Day 1, and previews Day 2 of Donald Trump’s impeachment trial, which is of course, constitutional nonsense that defies legal consensus, or even eye witness consensus. David and Greg Dworkin however do consense that a fair trial must include witnesses and documents, and that this isn’t one of those.
Adam Schiff kicked off and scored in the inaugural opening of Trump Trial One. Democrats showed their strength early by running up a score from the very beginning. Mitch McConnell caved before the end of lunch break. John Roberts blew his whistle after midnight. Oh, Dems are still going to “lose”, probably, but they aren’t giving it away for free... and, no matter what, Republicans aren’t going to “win”. Trump pre-celebrates by bragging about hiding evidence.
Richmond’s MLK Day gun rally was an outbreak of terrorism on American soil. It is impossible for the Richmond gun rally to be both peaceful and intimidating. It did have a sense of style, though. (I think my mom has that babushka!) The alt-right boogaloo some had planned didn’t sound too bad either, until the mass killings and destruction part.
Tue, 21 January 2020
Martin & Lewis. Simon & Garfunkel. Aniston & Pitt... There wasn’t a dry eye this morning at KITM World Headquarters when David Waldman welcomed back persona grata Armando… And, it is about time. These are trying times with big questions in need of answers, such as how the Senate plans to try absolutely nothing and no one in Donald Trump’s impeachment trial and get away with it.
The impeachment trial begins with a debate about the rules, which the OLC will tell you is only one rule and Alan Dershowitz will tell you that is one rule too many. Midnight Mitch believes that with 51 votes there is no debate, he call yes, no, he can make day, night, and what are you going to do about it, at least without a time machine? David and Armando analysed the situation and came up with ideas. We can only hope Senators tuned in this morning.
Mon, 20 January 2020
Brrr! Cosy up to KITM as David Waldman and Greg Dworkin warm us up for this week’s news:
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a day some of us have off, and most of us respect. Just down yonder from KITM World Headquarters, lawmakers in the Virginia Senate have passed three gun measures. Therefore what better time than MLK day to hold a legislative loser gun nut convention? Today’s cosplay ensembles have been on point right down to Rachel Ray’s scarf. Of course, for some of these Jojo Rabbits, their fantasies might be too close to reality, so keep a distance.
Do go ahead and make fun of the new Space Force uniforms, but when one of our boys is shot down over Endor you might sing a different tune.
Lev Parnas isn’t a distraction, he’s central to how Trump operates, and Trump goes through a lot of them. The entire Administration runs illegal schemes. Therefore, literally all of them are involved, lie at multiple points, and obstruct justice. If Lev wanted to leave, he had to leave noisily or he might leave quietly. William Barr might have hoped arresting Parnas would have been the quiet way, but Lev’s pictures say a thousand words.
For 2020, it’s Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar neck and neck for the New York Times. Joe Biden smiles. Bernie Sanders supporters aren’t smiling. Bernie Bros, on the other hand, are just the same mob for a different president. Polls remain stable, although slowly heading in a good direction.
Fri, 17 January 2020
David Waldman presents a special Total Exasperation Friday KITM.
A new Trump book with old news is out: A Very Stable Genius reports that Donald Trump is incompetent and narcissistic. That was actually news when Washington Post reporters Philip Rucker and Carol Leonnig first noted it. Now they report it about a year later, although in a book you have to purchase, instead of paying to read on the Post’s page. After citing only a couple of excerpts, David declares his admiration of Trump, disdain of the military, recognition of the deep state, hails Trump’s electoral college victory, scoffs at the constitution, calls for a coup, and urges us to just ignore him from now on... Why so sardonic?
Well, because, generally people are idiots. So, Donald Trump’s poop politics might just be the ticket for him. After all, what good is even the best satire against an administration that selects Jeffrey Epstein’s defense team, Ken Starr and Alan Dershowitz to represent the president? Trump spells GAO “GOA”, says they got it backwards, then tells us Dershowitz backs him up on this, leaving only David to straighten it all out.
Forget that apothegm about judging books by their covers, Matt Gaetz is 100% what he looks like.
Thu, 16 January 2020
Donald Trump personally directed a conspiracy to use taxpayer dollars to destroy his political rivals and rig the election. Sure, you know that already. You’ve known it for a long time, because you listen to KITM. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are on today to tell you a few more things you didn’t know, but will know months before anyone else:
Lev Parnas is an anagram for nasal perv. Now you know!
Maybe you have heard about Lev Parnas. Everyone knows who Lev Parnas is now. Devin Nunes says “Oh you mean THAT ‘Lev Parnas”!” His name is even beginning to ring Mike Pence’s bell. By the end of the week even Donald Trump might get to know him.
And, the Trump Administration illegally withheld assistance from Ukraine and the public evidence shows that the president himself ordered this illegal act. Oh, yes, you knew that. Now, so does the Government Accountability Office. By the end of the week even Bill Barr might find out.
Robert Hyde, new comical lawn gnome in the Ukraine scandal, repeat stalker, who violated a restraining order, was involuntarily committed for psychiatric evaluation, and had his guns confiscated by the police, knows Donald Trump. More importantly Donald Trump knows him. Wait a sec… a guy with mental issues, connected to mysterious Chinese billionaires, low on security radar as an American citizen running for office… eh, probably nothing.
Wed, 15 January 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the House Intelligence Committee releasing documents from Lev Parnas, our favorite Rudy Colludy henchman/boss/co-conspirator and Donald Trump fanclub alumni. Now it turns out that Lev and Igor weren’t the only comical garden gnomes doing dirty deeds for Donny in Ukraine. Meet Robert Hyde, now known for being quite insane in Ukraine, last year was put into police custody at Mar-a-Lago for psychiatric assessment. He’s also running for Congress in Connecticut, while keeping up an effort to remain the worst person on Twitter. Text records reveal Hyde and Parnas physically surveilling U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch. They knew when her computer was on or off, when she came and went. It looks as if they intended Yovanovitch to go through some things, things that were dancing around in a few important heads. Heads featured in many beautiful headshots circulating today.
Which brings us to Mr. Gao. Cheng Gao has a whole lot of money, and wants a whole lot of money. Other than that, and of much less interest to Donald Trump, Gao is a vegan “Buddhist Artist” from China.
By the way, the Russian government is disbanding. Vlad says it was fun while it lasted.
Tue, 14 January 2020
David Waldman shakes up the weekly schedule at KITM or maybe it’s the schedule doing the shaking. Either way, Joan McCarter stans out there now need to come here Tuesdays.
As for Wednesday, Nancy Pelosi announced that tomorrow will likely be the day the House votes on sending articles of impeachment to the Senate. Not THE articles of impeachment, as Donald Trump deserves not just these, but many more. Trump is, and always will be, impeached, by the way. After tomorrow, impeachment goes to a trial, not an appeal. The public wants a fair hearing, Moscow Mitch isn’t planning on one, Susan Collins plans to pretend she wants one, but Chuck Schumer plans to call her bluff. Donald Trump never had a plan, but always has an emergency.
Cruelty was the point, and hunger was the plan in West Virginia.
Donald Trump made the long awaited pivot towards being the president of Louisianan college football ticket holders with the endorsement of “Hollyweird” actor Vince Vaughn. Say what you will, but Vaughn was able to maintain physical contact with Donald much longer than most.
Vlad and Bashar aren’t Donald’s true friends, you know.
Trump’s Iran deceptions might go deeper than even we thought. On the day of Soleimani’s assassination, another Iranian was targeted in Yemen. A Patriot missile defense battery was removed from al Asad base just before Iran’s missile attack. Right now could be the quiet before the storm.
Mon, 13 January 2020
David Waldman is back from the weekend, with tales of ice fishing in Kazakhstan, the giant… or at least, very, very big wombats, perhaps the unsung heroes of Australia, and of course, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Political Action Committee, Courage to Change.
As you’d imagine, David devotes most of the show to WOMBATS—no wait, Leadership PACs! Is AOC’s PAC CtC OK? The short answer is, yes, it shows Ocasio-Cortez’s maturation from outside insurgent to established leader, through the time honored tradition of making money and making friends. For the long answer you’ll need to tune into today’s second half!
But before then, you can tune into Greg Dworkin discussing how Donald Trump fiddles as the world burns. Trump’s parade of lies are catching up with him. Actually, they caught up with him long ago. No one believes him, no one feels more safe, and most people still want him out of here. His evangelical MAGA rally was extra deplorable.
Nancy Pelosi only held the impeachment articles for four legislative days, but Chuck Schumer might get the last laugh at the impeachment trial. Donald Trump has changed his “mind” and doesn’t want a trial now.
Fri, 10 January 2020
Friday! The news never ends, but David Waldman does need to devote his weekends to clearing out the bats, deer and racoons coming down from the KITM hinterlands, and of course Donald Trump requires a little time to come down from whatever he’s on. (I admit that’s wild speculation on my part... I don’t know for a fact that Trump ever comes down from whatever he’s on.)
Last night Trump had another Deplorable Rally, in which Donald was extra deplorable. Room temperature Mike Pence warmed up the crowd, by bragging that the justification for the Soleimani hit, and subsequent deaths of 176 civilians, was all a lie. The Trump crowd never minds any lies at their expense, as long as someone else is being lied to, also.
Moscow Mitch McConnell doesn’t mind changing the rules of the Senate. That’s what the rules are for, him. Mitch told Republican Senators he plans to be bitchy and petulant next week if Nancy Pelosi lets him down. (Don’t let it be said Nancy doesn’t have a heart.) Lickspittle Lindsey Graham demands Nancy cut a few days off that.
Just in case Mitch deigns to follow a rule, what would the rules of Senate procedure and practice be for impeachment trials? Matt Gaetz steps out of line, for a second. Mike Lee is already back to the fold.
The Trump Administration uses redactions to hide what they don’t want you to see. Why, is there something wrong with that? James Inhofe understands the strategic importance of attacking cultural sites, as does the Commander in Chief.
Thu, 9 January 2020
Today, David Waldman is back behind the KITM microphone, joined by Greg Dworkin, microphone sans-sobriquet, for the ol’ Thursday catch-up:
Yesterday, Trump doteled up to a podium to dote more dotardly than any president in history (sniff). Winning! Unless, of course you are the kind that considers things more than 30 seconds into the future or past. Those people are called “terrorist lovers.” Tulsi Gabbard says, “Ayatollah what would happen”! The security briefing following that got even worse reviews, inspiring the usual Republican disarray.
Negative partisanship is a positive thing for Democrats. More than a billion dollars so far have gone to ActBlue to help solve all of this at the ballot box. Speaking of money, Mike Bloomberg is up there with Biden and Bernie polling ahead of Trump going into Michigan.
Ahead of that ballot box, Moscow Mitch is tired of being forced to wait so long to not exonerate his boss. Some Democrats aren’t sure what to think, ever. While we’re waiting, let’s take a look at Roger Stone’s FBI records. And, If John Bolton wants a subpoena now, the House has one they can fish out of the wastebasket. Steven Mnuchin doesn’t want you to hear how much Trump’s golf trips cost, it would just make you angry.
Wed, 8 January 2020
Seriously, what did you expect him to say, “mission accomplished”? Well...who knows what he “actually” said. Go ask his nurse. Then, ask your doctor if Adderall is right for you. Then get a second opinion.
David Waldman had things to do, so yesterday he donned his pipe and smoking jacket and recorded a special Kagro at Night for today’s presentation:
Iran appears to be standing down, Donald Trump appears to not be filling his Depends anymore. Donald can now return to talking big to his friends in the locker room. And, who knew this guy Soleimani was such a bad guy these last couple of decades? Tune into Fox to discover humanity’s next nemesis!
Also, a Ukrainian (!) airliner crashed in Iran (!) last night. Maybe it isn’t all about us... It is sad, though. Also sad, the earthquakes in Puerto Rico, which couldn’t have come at a worse time for Donald Trump as now he’s too busy to come up with a really biting tweet. And, there is something underhanded going on around Mar-a-Lago, which really isn’t awfully sad.
Can you believe it? Mitch (Moscow) McConnell is planning a partisan power play! Lindsey Graham is up to being lickspittle! What can stop them? Is it 51 or 67 votes? David reviews Senate procedures and the enduring and prescient correctness of KITM, and its listeners.
Tue, 7 January 2020
On today’s KITM, David Waldman welcomes Ian Reifowitz, professor of Historical Studies at S.U.N.Y.-Empire State College and author of The Tribalization of Politics: How Rush Limbaugh's Race-Baiting Rhetoric on the Obama Presidency Paved the Way for Trump (Copies are still available — makes a great Valentines Day gift!) Today’s topic: The rash of hate-based anti-Semitic violence being committed across the United States, but principally against Orthodox Jews in the New York/New Jersey metropolitan area. Some of these perpetrators are wrong in certain ways, some in other certain ways; one thing is certain: Republicans would love to turn Jews and Blacks, the two largest Democratic voting blocs, against each other. Ian calls for communities to come together to stand up against anti-semitism. Turns out, people are starting to do just that.
Donald Trump’s war on humanity continues. Trump’s preference for terror might seem “whimsical”, but remember, Donald is first and foremost an idiot, and that will color any decision-making process. Second, Trump sees “imminent threats” in terms of minutes and seconds, so any “course of action” development would bring us right back to Rule #1.
Mon, 6 January 2020
But his emails! If aides can’t privately talk about Donald Trump’s plans to bribe and extort for personal gain, what can they talk about?
War! Huh, yeah. What is it good for? Absolutely not Trump, because this is just the thing he’d lie about... which is all things, especially war. Of course, war could be a very shiny object for a media tired of so many dull scandals. At least this means the end of ISIS, uhm, as a story. Donald promises a few war crimes for those itching to pwn Jimmy Carter. Other than that, no, Trump hasn’t got much figured out past tee time.
To sum up: Trump heard that Iran never won a war, but never lost a negotiation, and knew he had absolutely no ability to negotiate, but did have a lot of bombs… Coincidentally, he did have a few failed negotiations in Iran that still needed to be cleaned up, so...
Fri, 3 January 2020
Well, it’s Act of War Friday here on the KITM show, I guess. Does “the president” know who he killed? Does anybody? Maybe, maybe not. We spend some time learning and wondering what might come next. Which is more than we can say for some preside… uh, people.
But we think we know this: Eric Trump probably didn’t actually know early.
Believe it or not, there was another important topic of the day! Unredacted copies of the e-mails between the Pentagon and the Office of Management and Budget reveal a fascinating drama. And some more crimes.
Thu, 2 January 2020
It could still be Castro 2020, but from now on the other half of the ticket.
Greg Dworkin rings in the new year with Skype chimes, Abby, and guest-dog Saki:
Impeachment is so 2019. Time to talk removal. Will Senators care about any oath they take? Will the Chief Justice? Does any Senator care what the impact they have on the future? Does the Chief Justice? Donald Trump wants Joe Biden to testify at his Senate trial. He said he wanted his chief of staff, secretary of state, national security adviser, and personal lawyer to testify too, and he was lying of course. Perhaps the media’s New Year resolution could be to quit being propagandists. Video of Joe Biden suggesting a white nationalist idea is deceptively edited? No, duh. That’s what 2020’s going to be all about for Trump pushers, just like it was in 2016. Think before sharing. Even the trolls will tell you that! Trump does paint his face orange, so there.
Wed, 1 January 2020
2020. A year so important, it will take us an extra day to get it just right... and yet we still aren’t quite done with 2019. David Waldman worked into the wee hours of the early afternoon, yesteryear—to assemble a new KITM for those of us up and eager to tackle a new day, a new year... a new decade! But… keep the volume down a bit, okay?
On Sunday we bombed some sites in Iraq and Syria, as we are wont to do. The U.S. embassy in Baghdad is now under siege. Things will get worse, but how much worse is in our Tiny Hands in Chief. Forty years ago, Jimmy Carter struggled with turmoil in the Middle East, but also with an American oligarchy pursuing private interest over public policy.
That was before oligarchies ran the presidency, when we had a legitimate president, one we didn’t have to pretend was a remotely honest, functioning, sane person. Now Rudy Colludy travels the world making deals, kinda for Donald Trump, mostly for himself. As Gop telemarketers and grifters flood the White House, Donald moves to soak his own grifters. So, what if we someday agree that Trump is illegitimate? Will the invalid judges and their judgements just fade away?
Probably not. Welcome 2020!
Tue, 31 December 2019
New Years Eve! For some, this could be a day of sleeping in, eating cheeseburgers and cake, or maybe getting in a few rounds of golf to close out the year, but not David Waldman, who could’ve easily spent the the holiday fighting off swarms of raccoons, but instead produced pre & post ball-drop KITMs for our edification and entertainment:
Mitch McConnell hoped to pull off the Senate impeachment trial of Donald Trump quickly and painlessly, and would have gotten away with it too, if wasn’t for that Nancy Pelosi, and all of that new evidence piling up. Senator Marco Rubio, member of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and avid reader of random bible verses, hasn’t yet bothered to read Senate intelligence documents on Trump, but has developed many opinions. Marco might someday read that extortion for personal gain is the Trump administration MO.
The media claims Donald erased his efforts to out a CIA whistleblower, but really Trump erased only one effort... News flash! Biden floats the idea of picking a Republican running mate! Second news flash! Biden did NOT float the idea of picking a Republican running mate! Seriously, which headline do you think editors will go for?
David looks closely at the shooting at White Settlement (Yes, your guess on the origin of the name is correct.) A trained firearms expert closely monitoring the situation killed the attacker, but not before the attacker was able to kill a trained firearms expert closely monitoring the situation.
Another cop signs his coffee cup “Pig”, a joke of his actually made hilarious after McDonald’s proved that he did it.
William Barr’s intel probe might not help Trump, but it will probably hurt the CIA, which might be good enough for those two.
Mon, 30 December 2019
Another week, another holiday or two. David Waldman joins with Greg Dworkin to bring us this holiday perforated week.
Is the Senate trial the light at the end of Donald Trump’s impeachment tunnel, or the train? Republican Senators dive for someplace safe. Republican voters are losing their enthusiasms. Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi drives Donald crazy, and defends the Constitution.
Have Democratic voters gotten smarter and more loyal to their party than back in 2016? It depends on who is leading them. Democrats see little reason to be loyal to Tulsi Gabbard. Joe Biden remains in the lead and on the campaign trail confirming that he has, or hasn’t got what it takes to win.
Trump continues to demonstrate that he’s unrepentant and determined to break the law again. Or that he’s a dimwitted Putin and/or Parscale puppet. For 84 days Trump fought hard to keep Putin great. Today, Donald goes golfing.
Fri, 27 December 2019
Happy Holidays! ‘Tis the week or two for not getting much done. David Waldman is able to stuff yet another KITM into our stocking:
Because of Donald Trump, we are saying Merry Christmas again! Though some people never stopped. For instance, The Hallmark channel has always embraced Christmas traditions just as many remember—without gay people, brown people or non-Christians... Well, they invited a few. After all, it’s Christmas.
Do you think Rudy Guiliani is able to introduce his “communications director” Christianné Allen without elbowing the guy next to him and snickering? Rudy Colludy as an impeachment witness would bring plenty of pizzazz, and could clinch the case. The Ukraine scandal already has plenty of pizzazz for everyone.
Thu, 26 December 2019
Whether you are post, pre, or peri holiday, enjoy it informed with David Waldman on today’s KITM:
Greg Dworkin rounds up the polls and punditry of recent Christmas past:
The more people understand the impeachment process, the more they would like to apply it to Donald Trump. As the election approaches, voters are still figuring out what needs to be done. Of course Republicans would prefer they went in the other direction, any other direction, or even no direction, at this point they don’t care. You fact checking them makes you part of the joke. Christians take a break from the heads of pins to divide over pinheads. Trump supporters aren’t racists, but… they absolutely are. The fight over the 1619 Project shows that we are far from where we pretend to be on race.
It did take a while, but Chuck Todd has begun to notice some dissembling by Trump mouthpieces. Is Chuck just plain stupid, or strategically stupid? How did someone like Chuck Todd even get here? David knows, and reveals Todd’s early days and The Hotline ethos. We are deep in an epistemic crisis and need to claw back to reality.
Wed, 25 December 2019
Hey, remember what you were doing last Christmas? Well, forget it. Who cares? Do you remember what you were doing last year, two days after Christmas? On the 27th? Probably not, right?
Not so fast! People who listen to the Kagro in the Morning show can easily recall everything about that day, because we recorded it, and are about to play it back to you. It went a little something like this....
Donald Trump has only a few more days to pwn the libs and the Coast Guard before the Dems show up. Even so, he pushed his concerns for the institution of the Presidency and his niggling bone spur inflammation aside to not-so-secretly fly to Iraq to reveal classified information on troop deployment, create an international diplomatic incident, and do his usual lying to people’s faces.
Khizr Khan, whose son, Army Capt. Humayun Khan, 27, died from a suicide bombing, delivered a passionate speech at the Democratic National Convention. You might remember it, Donald Trump probably not. But at least a post office will be named after Captain Khan.
Greg Dworkin has been rounding up punditry left and right this week—even more so than usual. As Democrats have a chance to overcome the sexism and venality of politics, they will begin to earn more respect. At the moment they are only slightly ahead of Republicans and Trump. MSNBC tops Fox in journalism, integrity and quality, and now in number of viewers as well.
Bad guys with power tools meet good guys with guns, and amazingly no one got nailed.
To clean up election fraud, we need to go way back.
Mon, 23 December 2019
[Humorous Christmas reference!]
It’s that time of year again, when we visit relatives with spotty web connections, and so rely on repeat performances of a prior year’s show! Huzzah!
For today, please enjoy our December 24, 2018 episode:
The present Trump shutdown is on day 3 with no end in sight, but that includes no end in sight for the Mueller Investigation, which is funded by a permanent indefinite appropriation. KITM digs into the history and reasoning behind the Special Counsel funding, even to the point of actually opening and reading a Federalist article to glean some insight. Of course, Donald could just site “LOL v. YOLO” and have non-recused non-Attorney General Matthew Whitaker take care of everything before the holidays’ end.
Mon, 23 December 2019
Merry Kagro in the Morning! David Waldman presents the day’s jolly airing of grievances that precede his annual sufganiyot-induced slumber. He’s back Thursday!
You wouldn’t think evangelical Christians would be so dogmatic, but then again, that is kind of their point. Still, it is hard to confuse Trump with Christ and fewer do each day. This weekend, Greg rounded up the continually growing moral outrage expressed in Christianity Today’s editorial, “Trump Should Be Removed from Office”, which brought needed attention to the fissures existing in Trump’s support, along with overdue recognition to the Christians who aren’t Trump idolizers.
It’s not just Santa. If you own a cellphone, just about everyone knows if and when you are naughty and nice. Saudis and their NSA pals developed and distributed a popular spy app, along with tens of thousands of manipulative Twitter accounts.
Russian assassins love using poison. Unit 29155 perhaps loved it too much.
Fri, 20 December 2019
David Waldman starts us off with a rundown of his thoughts and analysis of the 6th Democratic Debate. He did not watch it however, so the rundown was kind of a rumble strip. Pick one, elect one, why don’t we?
Oh no! Did anyone remember to impeach Donald Trump before locking up the House for the holidays? Because, if the House did not communicate its impeachment to the Senate, it hasn’t actually impeached the president... Unless the House communicates its impeachment, then it actually impeaches the president... Unless that’s all just crazy-talk and Donald has been impeached forever and ever... Why trust someone like Laurence Tribe though? Trump should go with his gut, resign immediately and own the Libs forever, trust me.
Lev and Igor were chasing any small change dropped by international mobsters when they stumbled into Rudy and Donald, their romance made history, and millions of dollars… for, uhm, Lev’s wife. (Divorce lawyers, take note.) Christianné Allen, 20-year-old college student, social media lamprey, now joins the gang.
Some sort of holiday messages here: A three year old put a cap in Daddy’s ass for Christmas. Santa sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake, because he has your phone codes. The highest-ranking Gop woman in the House, Cathy McMorris Rodgers, filled her stocking with taxpayer money.
Thu, 19 December 2019
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, Thursday. What more do you need to know? Here’s something:
Oh yes, the impeachment. Tulsi Gabbard was there. Tulsi won’t be at the primary debate of course, but she was sort of at the impeachment debate, where she placed her Schrodinger vote. Unlike Tulsi, Trump was not present. Donald was in Michigan complaining about how few Democrats he’s been able to buy, including Debbie Dingell. Therefore, Trump joked about her late husband being in Hell.
Meanwhile, in the debate Republicans made no claims that Trump “did no wrong”. (They in fact did not claim that Trump was ever honest in any way.)
A Chinese national was arrested after trespassing at Mar-a-Lago. Yep, another one.
Wed, 18 December 2019
David Waldman is off the roof and in the house, Abby joins us via Skype. If you listen closely, you might catch Greg Dworkin rounding up polls and pundits somewhere in the background:
The Gop is not winning the impeachment argument, the election, maybe the Senate, and there’s more bad news for them to come. Most have heard enough already to decide for impeachment, so Kavanaugh-style obfuscation won’t get much traction. Trump might never text a lowercase word ever again as he struggles to recapture the attention of the 2016 voters who have wandered away from him. Half of military service members have dropped Trump. So has the fourth Pentagon official.
Heading into the Senate trial, Republicans will miss Jim Jordan’s big mouth. So, now they’re thinking, “Why not Jim Jordan?” After all, it’s not like they have any representatives there. Democrats see Justin Amash as Democrats, and America’s representative. Maybe Nancy Pelosi could be open to leaving the inquiry open for a while.
Tue, 17 December 2019
Democrats in the House solemnly made it clear that Donald Trump deserves impeachment, and are getting ready to solemnly vote for the articles of impeachment that have been brought forward against Trump. In fact, not only did Trump commit “impeachable offenses”, but he committed crimes. Will all that solemnity go to waste after the articles are sent to the Senate? Probably! Moscow Mitch plans to hole up in his shell until this nightmare is over, while Rudy Colludy twerks with his pants around his knees. What are Democrats going to do about it?
David Waldman wields the full power of KITM’s 1:58+ running time to attempt to tackle the entirety of how Donald Trump’s federal criminal offences pertain to his impeachment, why additional witnesses and documents are needed, and to examine individual violations and crimes, such as campaign finance violations, bribery, honest services fraud, violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and the Hatch Act, committing contempt of Congress, and disobeying the Impoundment Control Act... for starters. David will wield more KITM’s at this topic this week!
Mon, 16 December 2019
There is a “chance for winter weather” in mid-December near KITM World Headquarters, and that means David Waldman has extra crew to help operate forks, knives and refrigerator doors in the background as needed.
Literally everyone (not including the 54% of Americans polled and the 45% of independents favoring impeachment right now) could use a little more information before deciding on impeachment. Therefore, there is no need to send impeachment to the the Senate until Trump is completely finished committing his impeachable offences and crimes. Today, the Judiciary Committee released a 600 page report for those still on the fence to mull over.
The law somehow keeps marching on: A federal judge rejected a request by the Justice Department that he delay the proceedings in the House Oversight Committee’s census subpoena lawsuit until an appeals court decides the separate Don McGahn subpoena case. The White House refused to turn over interpreter’s notes from a meeting between President Trump and Vladimir Putin because Trump took them and wouldn’t give them back.
Fri, 13 December 2019
You’re in luck. The schools local to KITM World Headquarters might consider this Friday the 13th to be best burrowed under a nice warm blanket, but not David Waldman, who this very morning braved the frigid drafts of a unknown number of intersecting hallways to provide us with today’s latest:
There is no word that can adequately describe parents that store unlocked guns with kids “to protect them”. The only people dumber are those that believe arming random strangers will protect their kids at school.
No wait, there may be worse. How about those that can’t see that in the interim between acquittal and election Donald Trump just might feel like taking his desperate lawlessness up a notch? Then what are they going to do about it? You know, patience and time are the best tools in this situation… Republicans know that too.
Millions in aid haven’t reached Ukraine yet. So, a federal judge on Monday issued a preliminary injunction ordering the OMB to comply with a FOIA request for records. The White House says no thank you. David looks into the next steps, should anyone want to pursue them.
Are Dems their own worst enemies? Is it possible that Pat Leahy did more damage to liberal interests than any individual Democratic senator of the Obama era? Well, you can ask “Chuckles” here, he’ll tell you all about it.
Thu, 12 December 2019
Today, Just up the road from KITM World Headquarters, history is being made. Following that, it is lovingly prepared by David Waldman and Greg Dworkin then shipped to you in fun-size two-hour packages:
With the impeachment trial coming up in January, Republicans plan to try a tactic they probably wished they thought of long ago: No witnesses. They hope do just enough to say they did, with minimal Lib-triggering, so of course going against the central tenet of Trumpism. Meanwhile, Democrats want what what everybody else wants, they just differ on what that is, exactly.
Congress shouldn’t stop with Donald Trump, they should impeach William Barr and everyone else that deserves it, then impeach Trump again. By that time Donald will have earned at least 3 more articles.
No, the Trump administration Is not redefining Judaism as a nationality. Maybe they don’t know what they are doing. Maybe they don’t care.The White House rolled out a new reason that they withheld money for Ukraine, because it’s been a while and they needed to roll out a new reason. Can you believe that in Ukraine they study Trump's twitter feed for guidance on what to do next? (Which is like gleaning marriage advice from the neighbor’s dog, but these are desperate times) Well, Lev Parnas picked up a $1 million check from Putin, so…
Former Attorney General Eric Holder feels William Barr is pretty worthless, although he exceeds all criteria established by this present administration. The most Trumpy TV channel attempts the most Trumpy things but not everyone gets away with that.
Wed, 11 December 2019
David Waldman is back from his roof leak crisis of yesterday. He still has the leak, just not the crisis, as the hole is promised to be patched in a week, two weeks, maybe sooner...
You hear it here first: Greg Dworkin predicts Trump WILL be impeached. Only two articles of impeachment, even though Trump has earned impeachment in a million ways. The reason for this is simple, and of course, complex. Republicans aren’t even putting up a defense, because that would just complicate their simple acquittal plans. Time to call surprise witness, Ivanka Trump! She has a pretty good idea of what Michael Steele has got in his dossier, if you get my drift.
While we are impeaching, let’s put Ben Carson in line.
Political media production staff can thank Mike Bloomberg for pumping $90 million into their economy. Bloomberg is now ahead of Trump… heck, everybody’s ahead of Trump. The Dems are neck and neck and neck and neck heading into New Hampshire because they are all #1 with completely different sets of people.
In the meantime, should Democrats impeach Trump or work with him? Why not both? Mitch McConnell asks, “Why not neither?” Joan McCarter assures us that this has always been Moscow Mitch’s plan. Mitch is too busy appointing unqualified, extremist judges to lifetime positions right now. Maybe next month he’ll throw a little sham thing together if there’s time.
Think of the trouble we’d all be in if Trump wasn’t really good at getting stuff done or whatever.
Tue, 10 December 2019
KITM Headquarters is having a problem with leaks. No, not the “Trump White House” kind, or the “Trump Russian hooker” kind, but only the “roof” kind. (Just to be on the safe side, David Waldman is having all of his phone lines replaced also.)
While this is all going on, history marches on today, as House Democrats unveiled two articles of impeachment against Donald Trump. David recorded a perfectly timed (Would you expect anything less?) compilation of background and supporting material as our primer to better understand the context of said historical developments, natch:
The IG report includes a couple of agent bros celebrating Trump’s presidential win. (Actually, they were mostly celebrating Hillary supporters’ loss.) No word yet on their names, if they were lovers, or what their orgasms might have sounded like. Speaking of friendships, Christopher Steele and Ivanka Trump have known each other for years. Donald hardly knows this Ivanka lady, he has his picture taken all the time with people. Tiffany moves up a notch.
Let’s back up. To the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, previous nexus of Russian and Middle Eastern corruption prior to the 2016 Presidential election, and after it as well. Just think, the FBI would not have had the impetus to open the FIFA investigation in 2010 if it wasn’t for Christopher Steele... Well, people doing criminal things does also spur investigations. Take, for instance, every single person Rudy Giuliani has talked to over the last few years. Oligarch Ihor Kolomoisky needs to get in good with Donald, and is working on that through Rudy Colludy capos like Bud Cummins, Don McGahn and Dmytro Firtash, another Ukrainian oligarch. Oligarching ain’t cheap, so Paul Manafort associate Firtash has had to pick up a few hundred million in side jobs from Putin for the last few months.
Mon, 9 December 2019
David Waldman provides the drain snake of astute political analysis on today’s KITM:
Greg Dworkin rounds up the punditry as the impeachment process moves to which articles to vote on. Why care if we can vote later? Oh right... voting later is only a solution if we care now. Several tens of millions of voters want Trump removed now.
On the other hand, Republicans are just finding out about this impeachment stuff. You can’t blame them, they’ve been busy bailing out floaters for weeks... ok, years. Whenever Trump has said something too loony, the Greatest Minds on the Right have polished that turd to a mirror-like sheen. “Greatest minds” is of course a relative term, as Stockholm syndrome poster boy Ted Cruz has been moved to the front line, and Rudy Colludy Giuliani is, wow, the go-to guy... Rudy’s in with Donald for the long haul, as the two of them are here for as much as they can haul away. Rudy was in Ukraine swearing in new members of the Colludy gang. Brain trust spokesmodel Matt Gaetz has little question mark thought bubbles popping out of his head because of that.
Fri, 6 December 2019
David Waldman brings us to the weekend...The weekend? What’s that doing here? Who has the time?
Listen, if we don’t get impeachment out of the way soon, Donald Trump won’t be able to get a fast acquittal, and his related storylines of “complete exoneration” and “deep state conspiracy” won’t get proper traction before the election... Luckily for Trump, Nancy Pelosi, although opposed at almost every turn, has finally succeeded in drawing up some quick articles of impeachment for him.
Yet, who knows what the future could bring for Donald and Nancy’s plans? Adam Schiff and maybe several others still have tricks up their sleeves. Bill Barr and Rudy Colludy continue to add to impeachable offences and motivations every moment. Rudy’s an overachiever, making points on what Trump would have been obligated to do if he were honest, and flying (at... someone’s expense) back out to Ukraine to visit with the “Ukrainian Putin” and every henchman in every trenchcoat in every alley of Kyiv. And, of course, Trump is still Trumping.
Evil Corp minions have not been connected to Donald Trump as of press time.
All this, plus—KITM correspondents!
If nuclear first strikes are made illegal, only criminals will order first strikes. An Asparagus Zucchini (a zucchini with asparagus limbs) could tell you that, and he does, by reporting Democratic presidential candidates’ positions on this very policy in a recorded correspondence.
Thu, 5 December 2019
Hey, if it’s good enough for Andrew Napolitano and good enough for Nancy Pelosi then let’s do it. Constitutional scholars say now is the time for impeachment. On the other hand, impeachment pundit goldendoodlers might prefer Democrats enforced a few witness subpoenas first. Of course, the Founders would agree with much of this if they weren’t dead. Therefore, it’s settled... although we might need to impeach Donald Trump a few more times before everyone is satisfied. And, just in case Donald might run low on impeachable offences, Rudy Colludy has jetted off to Ukraine to find some more.
Greg Dworkin agrees with most Americans: Louie Gohmert is a moron, and Donald Trump is a bigger loser with each day. The world laughs at Donald Trump, albeit with a kind of nervous, angry laughter... Trump loses in court for the umpteenth time. Two undocumented immigrant housekeepers revealed Trump employs undocumented immigrants, again.
Polling shows that most Americans would describe themselves as middle of the road politically, easy to get along with, and quite young looking for their age. What if Democrats already have enough white working-class voters? Is the “optional” part of the public health care option the problem? Maybe including a co-pay for Bronx-Colors could help get it passed.
William Barr warns against uppity communities not respecting their authorities, as traditionally this sort of behavior risks losing them their protection.
Wed, 4 December 2019