Progressive politics, news & talk hosted by David Waldman

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This morning Donald Trump tweeted. Then, he had the White House repeat the tweet. And then, David Waldman tweeted this... Why are we still nominating Joe Biden for president

Any people of any color with any brains will vote Biden in 2020. Some with a few reservations, and some such as the columnist Stephen M. Crockett Jr. and  Darwin H. M., @Darwin_Darko on twitter, who definitely have reservations and will definitely be voting for Joe Biden. 

In Minneapolis, an old work beef culminates in racism and police brutality, and death. Since nothing has ever been fixed, it all blows up again. Donald Trump goes for an appeal to his base, who, as in so many other circumstances, are deplorable. Trump can tell good people from thugs, but even the Oath Keepers don’t want him to say it so loudly.

Donald Trump hates his life. Worse yet, he hates everyone’s life.

Twitter flagged Trump’s glorification of violence, and probably also the White House’s glorification of violence today, so Ted Cruz might be regretting his timing on joining the war on Twitter. Ted probably regrets a lot.

Zac Fuentes worked for the Trump White House, won a 3 million dollar contract days after forming a company to provide masks to Navajo Hospitals. He sent them chinese knockoffs, naturally.

Some things are TLDR for KITM, but not for you!

Boogaloos aren’t backing off, especially now. Here’s an identification guide. William Barr wears Hawaiian shirts on his down time, but he’s been so busy with his official white nationalist endeavours lately, appointing a new prosecutor to probe debunked “unmasking” allegations.

Rod Rosenstein is a traitor. Let Uncle Blazer tell you how.

Direct download: May_29_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:15pm EST

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David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us one day closer to the end, the beginning, the truth, and Friday:

Just as testing increases COVID-19, and racism and police brutality have only increased because of phone cameras…  Donald Trump’s lies also keep accumulating because people keep counting them. Therefore, Trump will vanquish lie-counting by executive order today. No need for him to check on the legality, feasibility, or prudence of this. Why bother? But let’s not call the unprepared, irresponsible, self-absorbed Donald Trump a liar. Donald Trump is also a maniacal despot, and a wildly unpopular one that’s becoming more unpopular wherever he is compared to actual human beings.

Donald Trump is lying about why he votes by mail. Florida’s lying about coronavirus deaths, unless a couple extra thousand Floridians dying from pneumonia is a coincidence. What happened to the 140 people exposed by those hairstylists in Missouri? What will happen to the several hundred people on this bridge? Soon, Donald Trump can and will point to Brazil’s president Jair Bolsonaro as being even worse than he is.

In Pennsylvania, Republicans came into possession of a state legislator strapped to some coronavirus and deployed him into the Democratic caucus for detonation.

A polling company put two random words together for a name, and also some polling numbers that show Susan Collins approaching a double-digit loss. Since 2016, state polling has improved, maybe.

Firing by Zoom is the latest update to firing by Post-it, or you know... firing by tweet.

Direct download: May_28_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:58pm EST

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It’s Wednesday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin clocked into their home offices early this morning to apply their noses to their respective sanitized KITM grindstones:

It turns out that most people want to continue to live, and would like others alive as well. A few, however, are happy to trade you for them. That is, as long as you remain docile when it comes harvest time100,000 dead Americans would be just the start. Donald Trump knows what a life is worth, and is shopping for a bargain

Trump hasn’t handled the coronavirus pandemic adequately at all, ever, thus allowing straightforward tracking of his performance. Trump will continue to do everything awfully, and most expect him to destroy and endanger more. Still somehow, the election outcome remains in doubt. That’s because it’s now Democrats versus authoritarians, and authoritarians just aren’t as enthusiastic about people voting as much as Democrats are. Maga boys hated authority about a minute ago, but rekindled their love early this morning. Public lynching of computers and phones are sure to follow if they continue to refuse to let Donald lie and slander.

House Republicans so hate seeing anyone have an easy time voting, they’re filing a lawsuit against proxy voting

In a triumph of technology, ingenuity and human determination, a man made giant, animatronic Kookaburra. Also, SpaceX will be the first private company to send people into space.

Direct download: May_27_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:53pm EST

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David Waldman was a right-leaning pundit for weeks, but then he centered up the KITM microphone and he feels much better now.

This Memorial Day weekend, Donald Trump demanded churches open, went golfingtwitter-libeled, and went golfing, while America sailed past 100,000 dead from COVID-19. There will be a special place in held for Donald, unlike any has been held before.

The largest outbreak in the US will come from a church. So far the largest have come from prisons, nursing homes and meat packing plants. A North Carolina Hair Salon doesn’t like to see their kind coming around there.

Joan McCarter tells us 40% of US pandemic deaths are from nursing homes. The US is of course addressing this by making sure nursing home magnates are safe. Nancy Pelosi could draw red lines to protect the residents...

Missouri, Virginia, Texas, Georgia, Vermont, Florida, Maine and Pennsylvania have been caught  cooking their books to get the best coronavirus results. Georgia admits that they are lying about testing, and now they’re just haggling over the numbers. Donald Trump wonders which “capita” people are complaining about... there’s like, 100,000 of them!

A white woman in Central Park strangled her dog (after giving it CPR) while setting up an appointment to have a black man killed by the police... Whoa there, internet mob! We must first decide on who should be the final arbitrator of who’s no angel here.

A white woman in Alabama thinks her feet don’t stink. At least, she knows the help shouldn’t go around acting that way.

Many white people are like that, and would prefer to stay that way, no matter what.

Meanwhile, Maga-boys will transition to greatness if that’s what it takes to reach their Trumpian ideal.

Direct download: May_26_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 1:00pm EST

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Have Having a nice weekend? Three days for most of us, which is nice, including David Waldman and KITM. Not that anyone could tell there was a third day, in the middle of our current pandemic crisis. Even if your state is “open.”

Well, that’s OK. Because it might have been hard to tell right away that today we aired our May 28, 2019 episode, in honor of Memorial Day, and all of us being exhausted by events. Maybe it was hard to tell because Donald Trump was just as disconnected from reality then as he is now. We just have more memorializing to do than usual.

What happened, way back when?

We lost Donald Trump for a few days, which is even nicer, at least for us.

It was Honest Abe Shinzō/Shinzō Abe’s turn to babysit Donald. They were almost buddies once they lost the ol’ balls and chains. There was golfing, natch, and a trophy presentation to a Sumo champion that wore a mawashi almost as big as the Presidential Depends. (Trump remembered the lifts, so he retained his height advantage.) Then, finally on to a celebration of the Allied defeat of the Axis nations aboard a Japanese military ship. Man, if only their buddy Jong-un could have been there to join in, to maybe throw a needle in there about Pearl Harbor or something, it would’ve been perfect.

Back at home, William Barr put the final touches on Trump’s public enemies list. Sarah Sanders can tell you this is so proper and the other side is so treasonous, that neither she nor you have to look into it at all. You and I agree, or else we would have forced Democrats into impeachment hearings by now.

Meanwhile, the IRS is being made into a partisan tool… why didn’t we think of that? Future Department Department of Homeland Security chief Ken Cuccinelli says that states can use their secret war powers to fight immigration, once Donald Trump uses his secret anti-constitutional powers to loosen up some things.

Stephen K.G. Bannon’s European revolution is still going strong, although his allies seem to be moving forward without him. That’s ok, he can lean on his day job, installing fencing near El Paso.

17 are injured, 2 dead in a mass stabbing near Tokyo. Mass assaults can be made much more efficient with the use of science.

Direct download: May_28_2019_64_2.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 1:13pm EST

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It’s Fridayish! And, we are heading into a big weekendish! David Waldman brings it like he always does:

Donald Trump’s stick became partially dislodged at a Ford plant, where he didn’t wear a mask to win an argument with the press, and he also wore a mask to win an argument with Michigan’s attorney general.

If you have dumbasses in your life, now would be a good time to talk with them about hydroxychloroquine, which often has a side-effect of death, but also regularly has side-effects of headache, dizziness, loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhea, stomach pain, vomiting, rash, ringing in the ears… and hair loss. So, you know who’s lying about taking it. In fact, it seems like a lot of people are lying about taking it. A woman who actually took hydroxychloroquine for 19 years got this lousy COVID-19.

Lying doctors prefer Trump heading into the election, and prescribe lots of freedom. (Results may vary.) KITM fan Brian Monroe recorded and presents an audiobook-quality performance of the article How Freedom Became Free-Dumb in America.

Phased reopening at 25% capacity and behind masks works, and therefore has become vilified by the right. Battling coronavirus with freedom didn’t even work in Sweden. Alabama isn’t China, but is beginning to resemble Italy. Cases of COVID-19 have been linked to fitness classes in South Korea. California’s first community spread case has been traced to a nail salon. California and New York reacted differently to the COVID threat, and have different death tolls.

We have a long way to go and a lot more to learn. Washington state might have first been hit in December. Israel traces most of its cases to the US. China finds the virus in its new outbreaks operating under different rules. Some COVID-19 patients have new, awful, symptoms that last for months.

Republicans struggle to return to normal. Mike Pompeo works over donors and makes deals during his day job. Mitch McConnell installs lackey judges while shopping for a new inspector general for his wife. Kelly Loeffler’s husband buys his wife a way out of jail. Donald Trump’s yoyo, John Ratcliffe begins spy work.

Direct download: May_22_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 1:10pm EST

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There might possibly be other dimensions and universes out there somewhere, one or two without Donald Trump as president. However, this is the only existence available with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, or at least the only one where they both sport those cool goatees, so we’ll just have to make do.

There are too many realities here as it is. Donald Trump as president withholds money from states to insure Donald Trump as candidate can win. Trump never means what he says, because he never knows what he’s saying. He doesn’t mind looking like an idiot, as long as it keeps him from looking like fool. Donald asks if we mean this capita, or that capita over there? Trump makes certain to never pay attention to those he can always blame. And, if you are unable to exploit his palpable shortcomings, you demonstrate that you are too weak to even bother with.

Confusion is the goal here. We all get spun around three times and shoved out the door. Florida knows what an informed populace would mean, and made sure they didn’t know. The Gop says, more doctors prefer coronavirus than any other pandemic. The CDC mixes and matches tests to get the right balance for the findings they want. The New England Journal of Medicine skips the hard math.

Even so, maybe things are getting better. Maybe, overall, we are smarter than we think. Still, a little leadership would have gone a long way.

National polling reflects this, as Joe Biden opens into the double digits. Say nay all you want, Joe’s up in Wisconsin… Virginia… Arizona… Dam!

Direct download: May_21_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:58pm EST

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Happy Wednesday, 05/20/2020… A nice day to play the lottery.

Who needs to win the lottery when we already have David Waldman and KITM? It’s almost free!

Congratulations to Joe Biden, winner of Oregon’s Democratic 2020 presidential primaryGreg Dworkin feels that Joementum heading into November. As Trump discovers new lows in behavior and sanity, polls on his pandemic handling also drop. Biden rises above Trump, as always, but now even moreso. Trump-Biden voters are a thing, as Boomers become OK with Biden. The congressional race is just good, and as stable. Incumbent governors likewise seem heading toward pleasant days, except for Brian Kemp, who doesn’t even know what day it is.

BREAKING: Donald Trump will try to take America down with him. Since all registered Michigan voters will be mailed absentee ballot applications, Donald Trump became Michigan’s enemy, and Nevada’s too. Will he soon hate Texas as well?

The CDC quietly released detailed guidelines for reopening America, because that’s what one does in a national emergency. The Pentagon had to leak their memo warning of COVID-19 resurgence, with no vaccine until summer of 2021. And yet, through the help of… well, all of us big mouths, the facts keep being dispersed.

Stay-at-home orders saved hundreds of thousands, in lives and dollars. Texas, North Carolina, and Arizona see rising cases as they reopen, but the cases caused by reopening still won’t show up for weeks.

Meanwhile, crazy people take hydroxychloroquine. Dr. Deborah Birx whistles by the graveyard and her Hippocratic oath. Dr. Sean Conley lets Trump be Trump, because what does he have to lose? It's not hard to find Trump doctors, by the way. After all, there are plenty of easy touches for opioids out there that can always be tapped to push droxy.

Useful idiot celebrity Ian Smith promotes the opposite of health at his gym in New Jersey. Earlier Smith “his-body-his-choice”d himself into a prison sentence for murder.

Tara Reade has issues.

Donald Trump moves to take out Barack Obama once and for all, by declassifying the actually quite perfect Susan Rice email of Jan. 5, 2017. Good luck!

Direct download: May_20_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:33pm EST

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David Waldman is joined by Joan McCarter and all of us for kind of “a big Zoom conference”, but we’re muted and there’s no video... yet somehow it all still works:

Never get in an argument with grandpa. Cornered on why he doesn’t wear a mask, Donald Trump now purports to chase all of his adderall boilermakers with a little hydroxychloroquine. But, why not cocaine, you ask? Because, Donald has already stocked his pantry with 29 million doses of droxy and that product doesn’t move without a pusher.

Fat Donny “Morbidly Obese” Donald... Oh, and, you got to hope, some of his very best friends, will belly up to the buffet today, to talk about the good times, which are right now of course, with all of those new billions they have to play with, and the oversight-free trillions coming soon. The story of Jared shipping Washington State crates of Q-Tips knockoffs will be good for a laugh. But, Republicans better have a piece of the millions being syphoned off of unemployment systems, or there will be hell to pay.

Trump’s purge just got much more corrupt. Here's what's coming next.

William Barr is angry that Apple refuses to lend the deep state a hand with their wiretap efforts.

13 USS Theodore Roosevelt sailors tested positive after recovering from Covid-19. Does that mean coronavirus just gets unlimited whacks on us until we’re dead? Probably not! Who’s for sure anymore? Florida does its part to keep everyone in the dark by firing their own data manager. The only thing Georgia wants doctored are the disease numbers. People keep dying, though.

There are different degrees of looking silly, the ones that leave you alive remain the best.

Direct download: May_19_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:10pm EST

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Silver linings—we now have more uninterrupted time on Mondays to listen David Waldman and Greg Dworkin. And, a little break from the office brings us a little closer to our neighbors.

In other good news, Eric Trump has finally sleuthed out Obama’s COVID hoax. A Florida man comes down with a bad case of the hoax, but is certain his wife forgives him.

A second wave of hoax hits China with 100 million going into lockdown. Sweden aimed for the perfect balance between death and profit, but missed by a bit, lowering their life expectancy by a few years. The US Medicare eligibility age might have to drop just to find people alive to qualify.

Former hedge fund manager, convicted felon, and everlasting schmuck Martin Shkreli offered to cure us all if he was only allowed access to his fiancee’s secret Manhattan antiviral research laboratory, but you know how judges are.

Hey! Get ready for the summer fun season sweeping the nation! It feels great in Georgia! At least, as far as they know. In Texas, coronavirus cases and deaths keep going up, and also, they aren’t at all, as far as the local news can tell. People flock to the beaches, where they know it’s safe! Of course, no one knows. Wisconsin knows it made a mistake.

Congress has dropped a couple trillion on the coronavirus crisis, and has really been considering keeping track of where that money goes.

Trump supporters trust Donald to never do a thing, if first he isn’t completely convinced that it is the white thing to do. Joe Biden is ahead in national polls, state polls, and Chris Cillizza’s an idiot.

Michael Flynn is a spy, and William Barr’s attempt to spring him is backfiring. Susan Collins is concerned that Donald might not have learned his lesson.

Meanwhile, turning off the AC in malls imparts a refined patina on fine leather goods.

Direct download: May_18_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:45pm EST

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It’s Friday and we’re off first to Kagro’s Coronavirus Science Corner where David Waldman enlists his wife—or his wife enlists him—in a live on-air experiment involving a lot of heat, a little water and a exploding kitchen. As invariable and constant as Old Faithful, nitwits stumble into the hot stuff over at Yellowstone National Park, even if they have to climb the fence to do so.

Donald Trump has not yet walked into a volcano. The good news is, if we can find one, and tell him it’s not there, he will walk in. Donald figures he might be able to cut a thousand or two off his Nagasaki-sized death toll if he only could get a recount. A dozen states bet they are on God’s good side, while evangelicals await their viral rapture.

As Greg Dworkin has told us, none of this is helping Trump’s election chances, and things will only get worse for us before they get better. The CDC now issues a warning on the growing risk of a Kawasaki disease-like, coronavirus-linked syndrome in children. Talking could leave coronavirus in the air for more than eight minutes. Loud talking could leave coronavirus in the air for up to 14 minutes.

Democrats who wish to breath less of their colleagues’ phlegm for a while are looking into a few other ways of getting their job done, including proxy votingArmed terrorists bring a literal end to democracy in Michigan.

Sweden’s lockdown strategy did not net them any more money for the lives they spent.

@Darwin_Darko, aka Darwin H.M., and definitely the most reasonable man in America, explains why the Ahmaud Arbery story is so disturbing for a lot of people.

The Mike Flynn case gets weirder as the judge signals he won’t dismiss and might be considering criminal contempt charges. William Barr both-sides the court, which might get him good press, one way or the other, but now he’s got Watergate prosecutors working against him. The judge in the Roger Stone case orders the Trump administration to turn over his Ukraine emails. Trump was covering up info on Saudi involvement in 9/11, but now that’s out.

Direct download: May_15_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:21pm EST

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David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present our hebdomadal penultimate KITM:

The Wisconsin Supreme Court, led by landslide loser Justice Daniel Kelly, voted out COVID-19 from the state. Pre-infected idiots rejoice, flooding local bars to maybe get them some. Regular folks tell Green Bay Packers to drop dead. Gimmetarians charge society $3,000 to $6,000 in a bid to reduce penis disparagement as much as possible. Democrats remain more confident.

Experts have ideas on how to beat Covid-19 and save the economy. You know who else was an expert? Barack Hussein Obama. It’s OBAMAGATE! LOOK IT UP SHEEPLE! Could you imagine a more horrendous scandal, ever, in human history? Well then, you just might have a job on Trump’s team, because they’re out of ideas with more than 5 months to go.

America’s approval of Donald Trump’s handling of COVID-19 is way down to… way too high. A lot of people do have a lot of problems with Trump. Women in the service industries will be having more problems, as well as the several million that used to have a job.

Ousted government scientist-turned-whistleblower Dr. Richard Bright warns that a dark winter is coming. The New York Times says its health reporter went too far in accurately describing the health risks posed by Donald Trump and the CDC to Americans. Dr. Joseph Fair, science contributor, virologist, and epidemiologist, got too close to the subject he was reporting on, but hopes to recover.

Who says inattentiveness and ineptitude kill people? The US violated sanctions on Russia to buy ventilators made by Russian arms manufacturers, but never quite got around to supplying them to hospitals, saving untold numbers of people that could have burned to death using them. Donald got Vlad some nice American ones, for free.

Trump’s emoluments lawsuit continues, who knows about his taxes.

Barr sees no “I” in Burr, and neither does Trump, so it’s Richard Burr going down over team-player Kelly Loeffler.

A barber vowed to cut hair until Jesus comes, but Jesus didn’t issue his barber license.

Direct download: May_14_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:47pm EST

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David Waldman scratches his “Wednesday” chalk mark on the wall, and brings us another KITM. We also welcome Paul Manafort who has been released back into home confinement with the rest of us.

But first, we’re over to Kagro’s Coronavirus Cook’s Corner, where we’re sorry to discover that chicken breast preparation is just one of the things we have been absolutely clueless about. Artisanal marijuana pipe makers never have to worry about such things, you know.

Greg Dworkin assures us that Donald Trump is failing under virtually all polling criteria (thus totally jinxing November’s vote). In those polls, Trump is losing the olds faster than he can kill them. The youngs are still sleepy, but have a few more months to wake up.

It’s not 2016, although if it was, Tim Kaine has completely got it this time. It’s actually more like 2008 all over again, or maybe it’s 1932 all over again. If it were 2016 all over again, maybe they’d have a chance of fixing the polling. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders is positioning himself to be a top member of the Biden parliament.

Republicans have already decided Trump is going to lose, even Donald thinks he’s going to lose, but it’s the haters that hate Trump the most. Words don’t fail to describe all that’s wrong with Trump, they just have a hard time keeping up.

Everyone is tired of this pandemic, but everyone is aware of how it can get worse, and few are dumb enough to put themselves at risk. There are enough dopes out there, however, to screw it up for the lot of us. Donald Trump has no plan. Rand Paul isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be trolling or just plain stupid. Jared Kushner could have definitively stated that there is absolutely no risk in opening the country too soon, but he didn’t.

Germany is loosening its borders, while Canada finds it needs to tighten its.

More art of the deal: Some guy said he’d sell FEMA 10 million masks for $55 million. Good thing FEMA pays COD. A Texas, USA, mask factory begged to deliver millions and were of course, turned down. So, here’s some counterfeit masks.

Direct download: May_13_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 2:06pm EST

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It’s Tuesday, and as usual David Waldman is joined by Joan McCarter, and us. And, as usual, it works out quite well for all those involved:

Yesterday, Donald Trump graced us all with his presence outside the White House. A couple of women reporters and tough questions and Donald graced us all with his absence. Did you know that all of what Trump says or does distracts from all of what Trump does or says?

Sure, Trump wouldn’t resign if called to. Barr isn’t going to either, but that isn’t the point.

Today would be a good day… Unless the Supreme Court pronounces us all pre-wrong and rightness remains in exile. Any day is a good day for inherent contempt charges, just haul’em in and let Vox sort it out.

Know any meatbags that can’t resist the local wet markets, even after you’ve peed on them? Tell them it’s like trigger discipline (while remaining out of range.). We are heading towards 82,000 dead... actually a lot more, but who’s counting? We’re also “celebrating” 9 million total tests. China will perform 11 million, this week. Even if we come up with a vaccine, we might not have the bottles to put it in.

Trump will recognize the threat of coronavirus the moment his temperature crosses 99 degrees, until then he needs you to move quickly towards “freedom”. Republicans want you to get out there, and remember the deficit. First you were after Jared Kushner’s federal PPE stockpile, now you’re coming for his Social Security money, as well? The House CARES 2, but for real.

Putin's spokesman Dmitry Peskov has been hospitalized for coronavirus. Peskov doesn’t make a big deal out of it, thus avoiding future defenestration therapy. Dr. Anthony Fauci understands that the safest place in America is right in front of a TV Camera, and he is there right in front of the Senate acting neighborly to Senator Rand Paul.

The society around Ahmaud Arbery’s neighborhood became much more polite with the addition of an armed Black Panther contingent. No more room for faux pas.

Direct download: May_12_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 11:44am EST

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Remember great comedy duos? Stiller and Meara? Burns and Schreiber? Waldman and Dworkin? Few are still with us, and now even less with yesterday’s passing of Jerry Stiller from natural causes... Remember natural causes? That’s right where Donald Trump wants to place COVID-19 in the minds of voters in the next months. Unfortunately for the Republican election campaigns, natural causes  are spreading through the White House right now, and thoughts and prayers end up needing PPE and social distancing to be truly effective. Political reality is starting to sink in with Republicans, while non-reality remains Trump’s only hope. Now, if they could only get to 2 million deaths, it would all be perfect. Meanwhile, the coronavirus continues to spread like a stupid Twitter meme.

It is hard to get the exact right people to die in a pandemic. In fact, future scholars might never make it past Donald’s inauguration speech.  9 of our greatest legal minds ponder surviving by slipping out of having responsibility for holding the president responsible for his actions.

Michael Flynn shouldn’t be remeasuring the drapes for his White House office yet, as his judge hasn’t yet dismissed the case. In fact, as expected there is plenty of bumbling involved to sift through first.

We might have an election, and it could turn out well... If someone lets us have one, it might even be a “Reagan vs. Mondale”-style blowout, except this time with the good guys winning. Joe Biden’s VP pick wouldn’t be Dale Bumpers either. The Gop is guarding against any future popularity by threatening Social Security and avoiding parental leave.

Direct download: May_11_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 1:22pm EST

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If passive resignation is your style, David Waldman isn’t your guy and KITM isn’t the place you want to be. Scram!

You might have noticed that better-managed countries with less stupid and corrupt leadership not only killed less citizens, they kept more of them employed. So, that was two things we had to lose… Donald Trump should be wearing tar and feathers, but somehow avoids even the “indignity” of wearing a mask in public. Other Republicans also worry that being caught in a mask might invalidate their death-cult membership, but Brad Parscale knows that’s just not true.

Coronavirus safety is the number one priority of the White House... Donald Trump’s safety. Viruses are a funny thing however. Hilarious, in fact, as a Trump valet tested positive right after a hamberder run. Wouldn’t it be something if Donald Trump caught a miserable case of COVID-19, leading to maybe a stroke, that who knows, destroyed his ability to talk or use his thumbs, but maybe also enhanced his ability to empathize with the world around him? That would be too horrible to contemplate… or to fantasize daily about. Horrible!

As for you, a cough, sneeze, a toilet flush, standing in a cloud of vaporized meat, all could put you in danger, you brave warrior, you. Not just you, but your children, as coronavirus finds new ways to tear into us. Kind of makes you nostalgic for the days of unending Russian collusion, doesn’t it? (those days are still here.) 

Michael Flynn just “pleading guilty” wasn’t enough for William Barr and Donald Trump, but still might be enough for the judge of the caseEmmet Sullivan.

Is Joe Biden going down the road of Louis CK and Al Franken? Or of Robert Mueller, Pete Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren, Christoph Waltz, and now Anthony Fauci? Only time, and maybe Jacob Wohl can tell us.

Direct download: May_8_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:57pm EST

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America succumbed to COVID-19, passing away early this morning. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin came by to pay their respects and say a few words (most beginning with the letter “F”) over the grave.

Well-managed countries that handled their coronavirus pandemic correctly, for instance, Germany, are now able to reopen, offering their citizens hope for a semblance of normal life and their businesses a chance to eat our lunch for a millennium or two. Donald Trump sees economic hegemony on one set of trolley tracks and American lives on the other. What will he do?

Well, He can lie about observable reality, in the rare instances he is forced to discuss reality at all. He can destroy faith in all institutions, while simultaneously destroying the institutions. He can make not wearing a mask as patriotic as wearing a gun. He can make dying of pneumonia, stroke and kidney failure fun again

Still, however there exists “a reality”. One where coronavirus is still being transmitted, where people still catch COVID-19 and die, but still always the wrong ones. One where Axl Rose is right.

Ok, boomers don’t want to die. People with college degrees are getting smarter. Senator Richard Burr is a crook, and so is Gop Chair Ken Buck.

Direct download: May_7_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 1:42pm EST

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SURRENDER! The people in his head have spoken, so Donald Trump yesterday welcomed our viral overlords, introduced by our new national anthem. The US coronavirus task force will shut down this month or will run forever, depending on whether you are asking Donald Trump or Donald TrumpIt’s all news to Dr. Anthony Fauci and probably anybody else on the force for that matter. And, there’s likely another crisis out there that’s begging for Jared Kushner to solve. On coronavirus, Jared had some buddies, (all legal age with real IDshonest!) fan out on a PPE hunt, which might have gone better...

Who needs a team anyhow? Donald Trump has solved every problem on COVID-19, even with a lot of other things on his plate and several niggling hoaxes. Nobody knows more about full plates and distractions than Donald Trump.

Of course there will always be hatersDr. Rick Bright was always prioritizing ‘science and safety’, and look what happened to him. At least dissenting doctors and experts don’t fall out of windows in the US...

Anyway, our couple-month-long war is finally over, everything is back to perfectly normal, get back to work! Our brave warriors—meat plant workers, anyone in a county with a prison, your grandma—will be left on the battlefield, along with soldiers, sailors, farmers, etc., etc., for some cleanup. As in the movies, once the problem is solved in New York City, the credits roll, and people can go home.

Still somehow, Trump finds his favorability ratings receding as fast as his hairline did in the 80’s. Donald has always been ready to sacrifice the all for the good of the one, but it looks like he might not even pull that off this time. The good news is that we have remained united while Republicans became divided between their stupid and their self-centered. Jeanine Pirro wants it both ways.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin balance the benefits vs. the risks of reopening. Should you go out? Somebody asked seven others, and they weren’t sure. More people now personally know a cautionary tale, unfortunately.

Direct download: May_6_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:07pm EST

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May the fifth be with you! Tequila would seem most fitting for the season, and the day, today. David Waldman and Joan McCarter serve today’s latest news and information up neat:

The French were coming down with COVID-19 back in December, long before it was “a thing”. The european strain seems to be more contagious, possibly explaining different infection rates in the our country.

Most Americans prefer not to give or receive coronavirus and are willing to keep it that way. Moscow Mitch McConnell, on the other hand, believes COVID-19 is just the price you pay for your employer’s freedom, and is devoting his time to protect that freedom. Mitch aims to guarantee those freedoms last into perpetuity with lifetime appointments for the judiciary, even if some already appointed have to have those cut short.

The Senate returns to DC. The House doesn’t want to, but isn’t sure exactly why, or what the alternative would be.

Donald Trump takes step after step after step to eliminate Democracy, and why not? Who’s stopping him? He might as well take Social Security with him too. No one came up with those ideas of Donald Trump's signature on checks, addressing cadets at West Point or being interviewed at the Lincoln Memorial. Donald’s helpless, people just boss him around.

Jewish clergy in Missouri, holding to the principal of "pikuach nefesh", or not endangering the lives or health of others, are conscientious objectors to being forced into spreading coronavirus and are demanding absentee voting status. Sean Hannity wants no one endangered if it might come back to bite him.

Dr. Amy “Action” Acton is an educated, expert, Democratic, Jewish woman with authority in Republican-run Ohio, so you know every loon in the state is gunning for her... some with real guns. Incredible loon, Ohio State Representative Nino Vitale is the kind you can spot a mile away, but still believes you and God need to see his face.

Direct download: May_5_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:09pm EST

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A long time ago, in a galaxy not as far away as the election:

It is a period of pandemic and cosplay civil war. Custodians of invaluable informationDavid Waldman and Greg Dworkin have driven the vile gangster Donald Trump into retreat, his strongholds weakening under the weight of their own stupidityignorance and deceit, as ever more come to the Biden side….

You know that the Obama team vetted Joe Biden, right? Biden deserves credit for how he’s handled this so far.

Meanwhile, a small man looks tiny in front of a big statue he will never earn

Trump was right, though. He told us we would have 50,000 deaths, and 60,000 deaths, and 70,000 deaths and even zero deaths. See? Healthcare isn’t so complicated when one keeps their priorities in mind. Trump’s priorities however, are to pretend COVID-19 and Joe Biden don’t exist, and incidentally kill 233,000 more people. An inside look at the Trump administration pandemic panic.

No state is ready to open. Herd immunity will kill millions. The pandemic is hitting counties that voted for Hillary Clinton harder—for now. Red areas are becoming infected, then rushing into blue areas with their infections to make certain Democrats don’t look too smart. In Ohio, they have to skip over the Republican governor and find the private residence of Director of Health Dr. Amy “Action” Acton.

Many people warned us, why wouldn’t we listen? Obviously, Larry Brilliant would understand the situation. Joe Biden got it.

Deborah Birx has more concerns than Susan Collins. Republicans in battleground states are putting more than 6 feet between them and Trump.

The rest of the world is laughing at Trump.

Direct download: May_4_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 12:39pm EST

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Mayday! Mayday! David Waldman has one more chance to rescue us before the weekend:

We still don’t know what we are dealing with. Amy “Action” Acton tells us in Ohio to stay safe for another month. Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer risks her own safety to extend her constituents’. Japan extends its cornonvirus state of emergency through their busy giant monster season. Democrats prefer to be safe, Republicans do not, they reached the usual bipartisan agreement. What should you do? You should probably listen to people that can see the forest for the trees, over any particular tree’s nut.

Feel free to sniff your dog’s butt. He may sniff yours also. But don’t let any of your household pets or relatives get that close to anyone else’s, because you don’t know where they’ve been.

Hotspots, big and small, tallied or censored, are still blowing up, no matter where we are on the curve.

States are transferring medical supplies at secret locations with armed guards, because they are afraid of Feds pirating them. This is one of those "won't end well" situations.

If you are appalled at Donald Trump’s stupidity and insensitivity, you don’t want to meet his gut. Jerome Corsi was dumb enough to email federal prosecutors about Fox quack Vladimir Zelenko’s obtaining FDA fast-tracking for Donald’s hydroxychloroquine miracle snake-oil.

A guy just wanted to “Hail victory!” over coronavirus with a feel-good video, but that all depends on the interpretation.

Direct download: May_1_2020_64.mp3
Category:News & Politics -- posted at: 11:59am EST