Apr 3, 2020
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David Waldman safely delivers us into the weekend! By the way, what is a weekend?
Darwin H.M., @Darwin_Darko on Twitter, reports that Captain Brett Crozier, former four-star admiral and NATO Supreme Commander, who sounded the alarm about an outbreak of COVID-19 aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt, saving the lives of his crew, of course has been fired from his position. Heroism on that level, you’d think should qualify Crozier for a Presidential Medal of Freedom or something, but you know how tough it is to get one of those. His crew believes he’s still the GOAT though, and told him so as he walked down the gangway, alone.
Jared Kushner rolls up his sleeves (Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much those shirts cost?) and prepares to expertly manage the world from this point on. Just don’t go eyeing the Trump stockpile, as he and his friends got dibs. Daddy-in-law’s friends will also get a taste, but for them it’s first come, first serve. Republicans are discovering an unpleasant aftertaste.
Forget the above paragraph. Yesterday has been revised. Google will soon make coronavirus a faint memory.
It’s been a week and Donald Trump already forgot his coronavirus nickname. Soon, Trump will forget New York even asked for ventilators. Wait now, did he ask GM to do something? Oh, who remembers! Somebody should write those things down. Donald does sometimes remember to talk nice — the press loves it! Then again, sometimes he doesn’t. Oh well.
Remember, it’s Trump who is the victim here. Joe Biden thinks he can say any fact he wants, and not have Trump lie about him. How can Twitter allow this? And what makes China, South Korea, and Germany think they should succeed just because they stopped people from dying and put them back to work? It’s all so unfair.
So have a pleasant “weekend”, just don’t congregate in groups of … any. You know where you should be, in front of your computer where everyone can keep track of you!