Mar 19, 2020
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That’s it. David Waldman checks into the hospital tomorrow. The good news is, he doesn’t have to! Totally elective surgery. So, while David’s getting “some work done” tomorrow, he gets some work done today:
People are getting smarter, but not quick enough. Greg Dworkin tells the youngs to get off his lawn and back into their houses. Florida’s Governor DeSantis takes the advice of Amity’s Mayor Vaughn, and as you can see, “it’s a beautiful day”. (Republicans knew.) Still, Americans are facing this threat down together… unless they can afford their own ventilator.
People are dying who have never died before, so our superb, great, very good War President leapt into… no hurry. Trump knows it’s more important to look in charge than to be in charge. And, for all Republicans, racism is in-charge behavior.
The first coronavirus folk hero emerges. Welcome Dr. Amy “Action” Acton, MPH, homecoming queen, cheerleader, National Honor Society alumni and Ohio’s Department of Health director. Here is her story, one of the last from the 150 years of stories out of the Youngstown Vindicator.
The Norwegian University of Science and Technology urges students to return from any shitholes they might be stuck in and return home. The Trump administration personally drove a Chinese scientist home, where he made a breakthrough in coronavirus testing. Chinese have been inspired to make breakthroughs recently. There are still a few smarties left in the US though.
Backs against the wall, some in charge have dreamt up fantastic new concepts which they like to call “Medicare for All” and “Universal Basic Income”. Maxine Waters does have a plan, and it sounds pretty good. Mitch McConnell thinks so.
Congress should have stayed at home or stayed in DC but did neither. So far, two Reps have COVID-19. It could be much worse; it could be air traffic controllers. Prince Albert prank calls may now commence. Twitter takes steps to reduce the transmission of coronavirus evil. Fox might need to be quarantined.
Wait. Could Donald Trump use this to screw up the election? Sure! Can he postpone it? No. Is this the moment Patrick Leahy has waited 45 years for? Maybe!