Nov 3, 2016
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For all of you out there wishing not to be tortured any longer, wishing a winner be declared and it all just be over already... well that was last night. Some might not be completely happy, but it is time to move on. Cleveland will have another chance some other day.
David Waldman stayed up last night but is back ready to rig the election for Hillary Clinton. You too can rig it all. Simply find people who wouldn’t or couldn’t get to the polls this year. Call them, knock on their doors, help get them to the polls. Each vote that you help happen is just like voting twice, but without the jail time! Hurry, Republicans are working on making voter registration illegal, too.
Greg Dworkin knows what all of you nervous nellies out there need: Data. Listen in today for lots of data, thoughtfully perused. Unaffiliated voters are a big, confusing piece of this year’s pie. The Clinton campaign probably has a handle on this.
Still, chances are something bad could happen. In Ohio, a spelling error could cost you your vote. Your spouse could leave you for voting against their wishes. A masked man could satirically threaten you with a knife. There will be unprecedented fear-mongering… OK, worry a little. If you see firearms at your polling place text “guns down” to 91990.