Mon, 18 May 2020
A second wave of hoax hits China with 100 million going into lockdown. Sweden aimed for the perfect balance between death and profit, but missed by a bit, lowering their life expectancy by a few years. The US Medicare eligibility age might have to drop just to find people alive to qualify.
Former hedge fund manager, convicted felon, and everlasting schmuck Martin Shkreli offered to cure us all if he was only allowed access to his fiancee’s secret Manhattan antiviral research laboratory, but you know how judges are.
Hey! Get ready for the summer fun season sweeping the nation! It feels great in Georgia! At least, as far as they know. In Texas, coronavirus cases and deaths keep going up, and also, they aren’t at all, as far as the local news can tell. People flock to the beaches, where they know it’s safe! Of course, no one knows. Wisconsin knows it made a mistake.
Trump supporters trust Donald to never do a thing, if first he isn’t completely convinced that it is the white thing to do. Joe Biden is ahead in national polls, state polls, and Chris Cillizza’s an idiot.
Meanwhile, turning off the AC in malls imparts a refined patina on fine leather goods.