Tue, 30 June 2020
Almost out of June! David Waldman closes out the month with guest Joan McCarter:
Comedy, movie, television, print and social media icon, and mensch Carl Reiner passes away at almost 100, or maybe 2000 years old. It’s hard to tell with someone that worked and lived as if every day was his last.
People have picked on Donald Trump this whole month. For instance, Donald found this great video of people in Florida on golf carts who were really pro-him. Sure, they shouted “White Power” a few times, but Donald didn’t really see that as the important part, and shared it on Twitter. Anyhow, Donald was golfing, and he and his entourage of around 100 sat their phones down somewhere back in the clubhouse, so it took a few hours to eventually delete the tweet.
Now Trump is being accused of treason, again, this time for looking the other way while Americans are killed on behalf of our enemies, which is just like Benghazi, except real. Trump received a briefing, or two or three, but did anyone try to get his attention, snap their fingers in his face, shake him a little maybe? Probably not. Donald spent his time after the briefings selling Russia to the G7.
You’d think that Donald Trump spent the last four years just golfing and sucking up to Vladimir Putin, but you’d be wrong. Donald Trump sucked up to all the world’s brutal dictators, and verbally abused our allies (with special emphasis on women heads of state) while bad-mouthing his predecessors.
Then there’s the deadly pandemic. The worst is yet to come, and the CDC surrenders. Whose fault is this? Well, it is kind of a lot of people’s fault, but some people are definitely dumber than others, and Fox News made them that way. The more we know, the more we find that we don’t know. Stay away from restaurants, and movie theaters, and from the people who tell you “it’s just like the flu”. (unless it is the flu)
No one is surprised by Brett Kavanaugh’s behavior, except maybe Susan Collins. It would have been nice however, if Bob Woodward’s story showing Kavanaugh lied in his confirmation hearings wasn’t suppressed by the Washington Post at the time. In some universe, if Brett were to be forced out, maybe Trump would nominate someone even worse. John Roberts shows himself as being way too much the lib for Trump.
Mon, 29 June 2020
BREAKING: Skype! At least, the KITM Skype has broken. That was the big news this morning, at least until David Waldman was able to dig his Netscape CD out of the bottom of the pencil drawer and bring Greg Dworkin back on line.
But that’s not all. There’s still that COVID-19 pandemic to talk about, as it looks as if some of us out there are screwing all of us. A lot of people knew this would happen, and know what to do to fix things. Unfortunately, many don’t know, don’t care, and are putting their efforts into public relations over public health and safety. We can therefore expect to continue to reap in July what we’ve sowed today.
Tens of thousands of newly dead and dying Americans will probably harm Donald Trump’s reputation of competent leadership leading into the election, which will concern fellow Republicans and even might bring out a few skeptics. Donald Trump himself knows he’s losing, and will tell you that right upfront.
Of course, the election’s still out there, and so much could change in that time. For instance, proof that Donald Trump arranged for the murder of US troops at the hands of Russians has emerged. Trump can pick from three answers to this scandal: He’s a traitor, he’s an imbecile, or he’s really not the president. Why not all of the above? Anyway, Vlad owes him big time.
Facebook has converted bigotry and fear into shares, likes, and billions of dollars for Mark Zuckerberg. Donald Trump has been a VIP customer since 2015. Recently, however, hate has become less of a profit center for major corporations.
Slimeballs continue to slide into Facebook and into government, and in North Carolina that’s where they run into our friends at The Long Leaf Pine Slate. We can make things change for the better, fast, if we try—look at Mississippi!
Fri, 26 June 2020
It was a Friday.
What’s more, Scott Anderson was busy.
So not only was today’s show the usual race against time to cram in as much as possible, but I got stuck writing it up at exactly the time I wanted to hide under the desk, instead.
The pandemic is worse than ever, of course. Possibly even worse than we know. So naturally, now’s exactly the right time to double down on destroying everyone’s access to insurance. And let’s hope that while the DOJ is busy on that, they don’t lose sight of their mission to free anyone who’s covered for Trump’s criminality!
But really, what’s the point of health care in a pandemic, anyway? Right? All we have to do is not follow any of the instructions from experts, but tell ourselves we tried. And you certainly don’t have to listen if you think you’re the “president.” (Or do you?)
Mississippi has long faced pressure to change its racist flag. Can a country music star make them do it? Or will she get Dixie Chick-ed? Well, what about football? That might work. Hope it works here, anyway.
Thu, 25 June 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss 6 hours of stuff in a little under 2 hours today:
Democrats are opening up a lead in Florida mail-by-vote registration. Mail-in ballots are sure, but slow. Jamaal Bowman declared victory over Eliot Engel in New York’s 16th Congressional District primary, but Engel’s defeat will officially loom until all ballots are counted. Brad Sherman is next in line for the Foreign Affairs chairmanship, but then there’s Gregory Meeks. David tells us to follow the money.
When you hear the words “coronavirus” and “rally” who do you think of? So does everyone else!
Joe Biden is polling way ahead of Donald Trump not just in outlier polls, with big jumps in swing states. But why? It turns out that even Evangelicals prefer a mensch. Republicans are finding it difficult to campaign against Biden, especially as Joe is neither a woman nor Black. Even more problematic for the Gop is that more and more White people like Joe. Former presidential candidate and Ted Cruz running mate Carly Fiorina is voting Joe, even.
Donald Trump still has a lock on the screwball vote. Beware, if you are a 5G deep state mask-wearing, devil-worshiping lung-insulter you might be liable to citizen’s arrest. Dudes don’t wear masks, unless they’re like, secure in their manhood, man. How secure is Sean Hannity, you think?
We continue to head towards disaster. The Coronavirus is winning because of loons, Fox News loons and the Loon in Chief. It’s the parties, stupid. Mike Pence leads Gop Senators in a happy optimistic whistle past the COVID-19 graveyard. The Treasury department sent out $1 billion in stimulus checks to dead people, but it probably didn’t work.
Flattening the curve did not cure the disease. We have learned so much and yet not enough. The White House puts Dr. Fauci into a timeout box. Public health officials that know what’s good for them are getting out. Dozens of Trump’s secret service have been taken out.
Vladimir Putin is even worse, if that matters.
A Columbus statue in Philadelphia had to removed because of the roving violent pro-statue gangs. Fairfax, Virginia finally changed the name of Robert E. Lee High School, following Robert E. Lee High School in Houston, Texas, now Margaret Long Wisdom High School, and Robert E. Lee High School in San Antonio, Texas… which you can just call “LEE”. It’s not too late for Montgomery, Alabama’s Robert E. Lee High School to do the right thing.
There sure are a lot of Robert E. Lee High Schools.
Speaking of civil war, the U.S. Military contains sleeper cells set to turn their guns on fellow soldiers when the time is right. You’d think that would be a concern.
Wed, 24 June 2020
Is it possible that more Americans are beginning to understand Black LIves Matter and other messages, and that a less bigoted America are finding less advantage in a Trump presidency? Perhaps, overall, we are becoming less schmucks, so now we better understand the value of a mensch. Speaking of, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin offer us a fine new KITM, tachlis:
Donald Trump is at the “running away bawling insults” stage of surrendering to Covid-19. Death rates are still rising, more young people are becoming infected, and they are due to have an awful time. 138,000 years of life lost, and rising. The nation is on its knees.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott would definitely prefer droves of people weren’t dying in his state, but what can he do? 45 ICUs full in Florida, but who’s counting? Rebekah Jones, Florida Covid-19 data scientist in exile, is still keeping track, and still knows people on the inside telling her they are being forced to cook the books. Coronavirus and more await the RNC conventioneers coming to Jacksonville.
Trump does have his plate full at the moment.
Right now, Joe Biden is very likely to beat Donald Trump. Unfortunately right now, it’s not the election… Common wisdom is that these things will narrow, but not if Donald Trump has anything to say about it. Since his inauguration, Trump has given his all to deliver a Biden landslide, and he shows no sign of giving up. Never Trumpers might be trouble in 2024, but they are never Trump now.
Attention statue topplers: Always read the accompanying historical plaque before breaking the seal. There are many ways for protesters to shoot themselves in the foot, but one chose the regular way. And, there are Black armed protesters are showing up in Oklahoma.
Meanwhile, politics have somehow crept into jurisprudence. Roger Stone prosecutor Aaron Zelinsky believes William Barr might have something to do with it, as does the New York City Bar Association. Spy Michael Flynn gets sprung. China pays for access to Trump. Imaad Zuberi bought access, and might get in trouble. Louie Gohmerts. All good, all good...
Tue, 23 June 2020
No one wants Tuesday, so David Waldman is regifting it to us:
The KITM Official Style Guide is imprecise on this point, but I believe the proper usage is that Brad Parscale really “shit” the bed last Saturday night leading into the Tulsa MAGA rally. No time to change the sheets before Arizona. And, William Barr has “shitted” many beds as attorney general, but none like he that bed he “shat” firing Geoffrey Berman. It’ll take a while for the DOJ to air out.
Republican Martha McSally proposes that big government pay people not to work, while spreading disease.
An Oregon Church opened in accordance Donald Trump’s demands that states allow churches to open, and now have over 90% of the coronavirus cases in their county. They wouldn’t have any cases if Trump had stopped testing earlier, only a couple dozen random deaths. The world's top-ranked men's tennis player, Novak Djokovic, and his wife took tests and look what happened to them.
Official fall guy Mike Pence almost fell off Air Force Two. The scene of a confrontation between protesters and police is the last place that the White House wants reporters. Are you looking to recreationally beat people, but really aren’t a police officer? it’s now easier than ever! Just slip on some body armor and slide into a riot line.
Mon, 22 June 2020
Is Monday a good day for schadenfreude delivery? Because, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have backed up a big truck of it to unload this morning.
Donald Trump’s 2020 campaign pivoted into a steeper dive on Saturday. 1 out of every 8 minutes of Trump’s speech were devoted him to bailing himself out from his last appearance. Not a lot of people showed up, but it is unfair to compare the previous acts shaming him on attendance, as they have the unfair advantage of talent.
TikTok Teens and K-Pop Stans bullseyed Brad Parscale’s Death Star, as racist, lying pieces of which continue to rain down today. Great shot kids! Right out of Saul Alinsky’s rebel alliance handbook! Chances are less than one in a million that Ivanka and Jared will have it back in orbit around Arizona, next stop for Trump’s Covidtour. Trump’s plan now is to take COVID-19 head on, by reducing America’s tolerance to preventable deaths. Slowing testing was only the first step, eliminating testing would be the final solution. Plenty of Americans are ready to chip in and help.
The kids owned Parscale this time, but anyone who loads the Trump 2020 app will be owned forever.
A potential night of victories coming this Tuesday in separate primaries in Kentucky and New York may not include longtime congressman, House Foreign Relations Chairman, Eliot Engel, who is trying to avoid an AOC-style upset. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is also trying to avoid an AOC-style upset.
William Barr failed in another coup attempt on democracy, this time over the Southern District of New York. Bill says all he wanted to do was find a lackey a job, and now everyone is angry with him, again. Jerry Nadler is just tired of all the hate.
Fri, 19 June 2020
Thanks to Donald Trump, and David Waldman, we’ve learned so much this year... from epidemiology to constitutional law! And, did you know that Black lives matter? Many were not aware of that until Donald pointed it out. In fact, race relations should be the main topic of Prof. Trump’s lecture series, appropriately kicking off in Tulsa, OK, tomorrow.
Father’s Day is Sunday. Fatherhood brings the potential joy of displaying your son to win an argument or as a political prop. For those wondering, Matt Gaetz now publically has a son, Nestor. Previously introduced as a student, Nestor was also known as a helper for Gaetz’ office administration, yard care, cabana maintenance etc., but now, Nestor is totally Matt’s son in every conceivable way, except perhaps legally, and it sure is a heartwarming story.
Trump’s Bible photo op split evangelicals into “the smart ones” and “the saps” camps. Donald prefers saps, and tweeting videos with them, but Twitter is finally beginning to flag those tweets. Trump might be every inch the stupid ignorant old white guy he seems, but his staff couldn't be more Nazi if they were flash frozen in ‘44. In New York just last week, police found found weapons, fireworks, ammunition and a tactical manual on some Boogaloo bois, but you just know you would find as much and maybe more in some police lockers. And, if Black people ever do win, Jail is waiting for them. What kind of society values property over Black lives?
Thu, 18 June 2020
David Waldman brings Greg Dworkin on to today’s KITM to give us what for… and why, how and where:
John Bolton betrayed his country. Lots! And, this time it was for a book deal. Either the book deal, or that he came too late to it. If Bolton had testified earlier wonderful things could have happened, but probably wouldn’t have, because as always a Republican’s priority is to themselves, and thus to Donald Trump. We already knew Trump was treasonous, just now we’re haggling on how much.
Joe Biden is making his first TV ad buy of the general election, continuing his “Soul of America” message, a message growing more important every day. The Trump campaign counterpoint is to make a few Nazi references and call it a day.
Perhaps this is enough. After all, Gop officials are talking a Trump landslide. So, are the polls skewed again? They’d have to be pretty skewed to bury Biden’s 8 point national lead, including up to double-digit leads in battleground states. The electoral map hasn’t changed that much.
Can Donald Trump lie his way out of a pandemic rap? Sure! He already has. But can his lies stay ahead of the rise of infection and death? We should have an idea, in just a few weeks. So far, mask-wearing in public has saved hundreds of thousands.
Google, Facebook and Twitter have stringent terms of service rules, to make you happy. To make important people happy, they waive those rules.
When black women flipped a white school board, the State of Georgia arrested them and charged them with 120 separate felony counts of voter fraud.
Wed, 17 June 2020
Wednesday morning, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have a virtual kitchen table discussion about breakfast foods.
Aunt Jemima will be changing her name, which shouldn’t be much of a hardship, as she isn’t a real person. No matter, if she’s Aunt Jemima, Aunt J, Aunt Karen, or Sheila, it will remain difficult to shed 130 years of existence as a racist symbol, even though Quaker Oats just noticed today. After all, 3 out of 4 Taiwanese prefer "Black Person Toothpaste". Old habits do take a while to break.
Overall, proud racists have become slightly less proud these last few weeks. Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy was happy to wear an OAN shirt last week, and is less happy about it today. Then again, Boogaloo Bois have become less of a joke as their fantasies of murder and mayhem are becoming realized. White supremacist ideology has spread through police forces for years.
In election news, it’s definitely not 2016 and it probably won’t be in November, either. Greg wonders, what if copy/pasting conventional wisdom is just lazy punditry? Greg and David scrutinize the latest polls and note that Donald Trump trails Joe Biden by 16 points in Michigan, and if job approval were votes, Trump should be quitting today, if he were smart.
We remain in the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic in America. The First Lady of Ukraine has been hospitalized. 260 workers have tested positive for COVID-19 at Orlando International Airport. Much more will be coming.
Plants stayed open to produce meat to feed Americans, and shipped 129,000 tons of it to China.
Tue, 16 June 2020
David Waldman saves the world one podcast at a time, and this day with Joan McCarter!
A million or so 100% racism and virus free MAGA ralliers head to Tulsa this weekend. Coronavirus is not the flu. The pandemic is not over. You might not ever fully recover if you catch COVID-19, in fact, you could be crippled for life. Commonly used steroid dexamethasone however, will help you not die. By the way, Hydroxychloroquine does not save, and could end, lives.
Tom Rice finds that sometimes wearing a mask and sometimes social distancing does not always prevent COVID-19. The DC National Guard finds their weaponry does not slow the virus. Chances are equal that they brought it to protesters as visa versa because the Guard did not screen themselves before deployment. By the way, The National Guard was not kicked out of their hotels.
West Virginia churches discover that piousness does not totally prevent illness.
The Supreme Court rules that no one can be fired for being gay or transgender. Franklin Graham is not happy. Susan Collins is not surprised. Donald Trump does not quite get it, but he has people that do, and they are still at war with LGBTQ+ people. But-for the grace of God…
Ever hear of Gop rising star Nick Freitas? Even he has a hard time remembering his name, forgetting to put it on the ballot for his reelection two years in a row. Republican Bob Good apparently also skipped his own mind.
And for some reason... The judge in Jeffrey Epstein grand jury case has ties to those with a stake in outcome. Republicans benefiting from the Paycheck Protection Program are opposed to requiring transparency. The group backing voting suppression is backed by dark money.
Mon, 15 June 2020
David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin to today’s KITM, and golly, do they have a lot to tell you:
The day after Juneteenth, millions will pack into historic Tulsa, Oklahoma’s BOK center to witness Donald Trump, cofounder with Abraham Lincoln of the Black Lives Matter movement, roll victoriously down his entrance ramp. Tulsa lays out the unwelcome mat.
Black lives matter. Change is sweeping the world. People are listening, finally. Why is this time different? Eight minutes, forty six seconds. George Floyd can’t be ignored. George Floyd can’t be spun. We can fix this. Even the “he/she’s no angel” talking point might be on it’s way out.
Reform, defund, or unbundle police, this has become a kitchen table conversation in America now. Half of America want funds redirected, and that number is growing, but before determining what to cut, first someone should look into what police really do.
COVID-19 is still killing people everywhere. The virus doesn’t care about your lockdown fatigue. State openings are backfiring, as we begin to feel the symptoms of too-early relaxing of social distancing. It is possible to open safely, if we want to. A moral, just and healthy society would be possible if we actually wanted one. Talking about racism must be a part of health care. By the way, COVID-19 is not the flu.
Things are looking good for Joe Biden. Very good. That could worry Republicans. It could worry Democrats too, because that’s how they roll. Independents are heading to Biden. Women are already there, and feeling better about Joe than Hillary.
Dr. Amy “Action” Acton is out… but returns as Dr. Amy “Back in Action” Acton! Sesame Street is certainly a lot friendlier than her home street. Dr. Nicole Quick stars in an unfortunate misogynistic sequel.
NYT’s star reporter David Barstow wins Pulitzers and makes money, but not friends writing on Donald Trump’s taxes. Who’s Mary Trump? We’re all going to find out a lot more about Donald’s least favorite niece with her new tell-all book coming out this August.
Fri, 12 June 2020
It's a Friday on which we throw it back to Thursday, so that we can claim it's a Throwback Thursday, during which we actually throw it back to a Wednesday show. Get it? Well, nobody does. Don't feel bad.
Suffice to say, we ran the June 12, 2019 show today, and it was this:
David Waldman presents the hump day KITM, the hump caused by the shear abundance of links, stories, and things to consider.
Today in malfeasance:
When Chaos and corruption go hand in hand, you know it is time to invest in gravel, bananas, or anything Mitch McConnell is investing in. 22 foreign governments shop Trump. Mexican officials go to Jared.
Greg Dworkin reports on the state of the 2020 race: Trump is losing and he knows it, but if you find out, heads will roll. Trump poll numbers are brutal, they are grim, and not likely to look better. The top 6 candidates beat him by at least 5 points. He loses age 65 & older by 17 points. Donald Trump is an unpopular president. The best hope for Republicans now is to switch the names of the parties.
Wall Street weighs all of this and sees a Trump win. Is everything good news for Donald? Abortion might not be the wedge issue Republicans hope, and is getting more attention than expected. Donald Trump would rather be golfing.
Thu, 11 June 2020
Standing atop the parapet along the highest ramparts of Fort Kagro, David Waldman calls reveille for the final KITM of this week. David will be absent this Friday to undergo a colonoscopy. Who knew Antifa membership eligibility standards were so stringent?
Greg Dworkin calls in with the latest. In his recent tweets, Donald Trump congratulated his crack SS troops for their successful blitzkrieg on the BLM while reminding us that those who need to preserve the Confederacy want to repeat it. That just means it will have to fall again, then. This is the worst PR campaign for the National Guard since they had Neil Young write their jingle music. Gassing peaceful demonstrators is never a good look, but it turns out that neither is a forced Bible photo op. So, how can Trump top this week? How about a white power rally on Juneteenth at the site of mass graves of an infamous race massacre?
Trump could just go back to the bunker and remain an impotent bystander, but no, the road calls to him. His advisers want him to quit driving into ditches, but why bother when his highway ends off a cliff? Donald can't change the subject to something he's competent in if he's incompetent in all things. Therefore, Trump demands an apology . The forecast is as sunny as Joe Biden's smile.
Meanwhile, Trump will pardon Michael Spy Flynn, as the judge knows a ridiculous ploy when he sees one, just as a mob prosecutor knows a mobster when he sees one, and anyone who has seen William Barr and Donald Trump knows gross abusers when they see them.
If you think a mask is uncomfortable, try a lung transplant.
Wed, 10 June 2020
David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin to KITM to tip some metaphorical statues, as it is pretty hot outside today.
Leopold? Leopold! Leopold’s statue is lit, dunked, and hanged in Belgium “Black Lives Matter” protests. In Boston, Christopher Columbus was decapitated, belatedly. His twin went to the bottom of a Virginia lake. George Henry Thomas, the Sledge of Nashville, Rock of Chickamauga, still stands tall, as well he should.
It’s about time. Technology and social media have finally spurred empathy and humanity around the world. Public opinion on race relations and police misconduct made a huge leap in a very good direction. Black Lives Matter more, Donald Trump matters less. Do you know what polite, civil discourse gets you? Not this!
Joe Biden is playing it safe, but playing it well. Nimble Joe Biden has been middle of the road, no matter where that road was, for decades, so it was dumb to try to paint him as a radical. That’s OK, Trump has many other dumb ideas to implement.
Donald Trump rebooted his presidency by relaying Russian conspiracies claiming a 75 year old man was on a suicide mission to make him look bad. This One Perfect Tweet could unify the entire country, which is why Republican Senators refuse to read it. Trump will further unite the world with his surprise retreat from Germany. Also, Donald’s been talking about Jacksonville... going to mess around... but without getting divorced from Charlotte.
Wear a mask. Sailors like them!
Tue, 9 June 2020
While not California, Idaho does have its faults... However, Joan McCarter would let nothing deter her from her virtual visit to KITM World Headquarters with David Waldman, and us, for Tuesday’s show:
Donald Trump whipped his MAGA mob into a lynch mob this morning by accusing Martin Gugino, a 75-year-old affordable housing advocate, human rights organizer and Catholic Worker Movement member hospitalized by police of an invented slander that only Trump’s degenerate stage of depravity, dementia and paranoia could conceive of. For Donald, this lie could hardly be as traumatizing as looking into a mirror.
So, do we defund or reform the police? Why not both! Congressional Democrats are hoping to get the ball rolling with the Justice in Policing Act of 2020. In Colorado, even Republican senators are backing their police accountability bill. Diplomats around the world are forced to try to explain why anyone should take the US seriously as a moral example.
Then there’s coronavirus. A New Jersey partier can prove how much he gets around. You can just ask Pennsylvania doctors. And yes, protesters know about the pandemic. That is one reason they are out there... and one of the better reasons, at that.
It now looks as if coronavirus spread after Trump’s half-assed “China ban” and long after the start of the Trump recession. Now, the Gop needs you to get back to work and/or die. Trump could have wiped himself with a day’s worth of swabs down in the bunker, but instead took the time to fly out to Maine to contaminate them in person.
Mon, 8 June 2020
It turns out that the revolution is being televised. You can also find it here on KITM, hosted by David Waldman and today’s special guest co-revolutionary, Greg Dworkin.
Around the world, statues topple. A global epiphany so inspirational that even Mitt Romney seems born-again. This weekend, newspaper editors across the nation jabbed their cigars toward their lead reporters, and demanded that they find out what this “Defund the police” is, and to have it on their desks by Monday morning. Black reporters have understood all too well what’s going on, and are fighting to report it.
The Floyd protests spread into white, small-town America, while Republicans give up on governance and decide to just shoot them all and let God sort out the socialists. A white guy shot a protester in Seattle and calmly walked into protective custody. Seattle police continue their attempts to dominate. Brevard county ❤️️’s rogue cops. Democrats propose reforming policing. Will Republicans reform themselves after Trump? Of course not, but what will they pull next?
Donald Trump’s horrific job performance is effecting his job approval numbers. After considering Trump’s sociopathic stupidity, many voters find themselves supporting Joe Biden’s candidacy. Women are wising up faster than men.
Meanwhile, coronavirus isn’t going anywhere, except into new hosts. Brazil keeps its death toll from rising by decree. In the US, shutdowns prevented 60 million coronavirus infections, but with less shut down there are more infections. Coronavirus also is spreading into rural areas, hitting large families hard. Florida has had more cases in the last 4 days than it ever had in any 4 day period.
Fri, 5 June 2020
David Waldman drops us off safely at another weekend, let’s all try to make it back here safe.
Donald Trump can’t even golf, the news is so beautiful. We’re in the money! Employment has dived to still-depression levels. Trump says he couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the guidance of George Floyd’s angel. Trump’s off to Maine, where the plan is to make the streets run red with domination.
ACORN rerouted a caravan of voter fraud busses out of Guatemala to Indiana, loading 250 Antifa super-soldiers to each bus for a raid on Chicago, but quick-thinking Fox-watching police made them disappear into thin air. Oh wait! They’ve been sighted heading into Idaho! They’re back in Indiana! 6,000 — One terrorist for each of the population of the town of Notre Dame! Oh no, while we were distracted, a
James O’Keefe infiltrated the past and discovered antifa headquarters in the heart of Portlandia.
Back in the real world, actual soldiers caravan into Washington DC to crack a few heads. An elderly man in Buffalo triggered blue rage by attempting to return a helmet. Bethesda, MD police are looking for a bicyclist assaulting kids that were posting George Floyd signs. That should be easy, they just need to find a guy that looks just like a cop. Maybe police are a mistake.
DC’s Mayor, Muriel Bowser, increases the police budget by $19 million… But sent a big message to the world this morning, and might have a few more things up her sleeve. Authorities always need more money for more domination.
The New York Times is about 200 years old and hopes to establish a method of administering its standards soon. In the meantime, occasional fascist propaganda might leak through. The Times shouldn’t challenge its readers with lies, however.
Thu, 4 June 2020
David Waldman fixes everything in a little under two hours. Friday we share kitten videos.
On Monday, our jerk-often president shambled through a field of tear gas containers and spent ordnance for an historically jerk-off photo op, misinterpreted by some as “Jericho”. Those people are a problem, and although they are a goldmine for some, can’t elect Donald Trump by themselves. Greg Dworkin sees that support decaying as red states turn blue for Joe. Suburban women know exactly where they stand. Few wishy-washy people make surveyors look good.
A few dipshits do make America look bad. A Texas bar bans masks. Piers Morgan and Rudy Giuliani have a dick-measuring contest, and both win. You can spot a Gop ignoramus from across the room. Wearing a mask remains the smart thing to do.
Top military leaders are objecting to Donald Trump making America a military state. Donald builds that wall. Donald rattles his little sabre. No, you can’t touch it. Guantanamo’s nice this time of year.
Wed, 3 June 2020
The Siskel and Ebert of American politics, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, give this Wednesday two thumbs down.
It began Monday with the first strains of John Williams score rising as cameras followed Trump and his all-white entourage marching across Lafayette Park, met by Empress Ivanka, there to present Donald with his second favorite book after Art of the Deal, his beloved Bible… Well, “a” Bible… aka, “The Holy Prop”. Hey! No spoilers for Gop senators, as none of them have seen it yet. After this blockbuster wraps, the White House will begin production of their ”The Omen” reboot.
The protests have been peaceful, until the cops show up… or, the bureau of federal prisons special operations response team, the 91st Military Police Battalion… or whoever these guys are. None of them will miss their chance to beat a black guy or a journalist… or, maybe shoot them, and not with paintballs either. But don’t worry, when the 82nd Airborne runs out of bullets for any American civilian protesters, they will have their bayonets. Police now lay out pallets of paint cans and bricks, go back to their hunting blinds, and wait.
Arlington police decide none of this is for them, and go back to Virginia to be peace officers. DC says they didn’t want them here anyhow. The DEA will hunt down the protesters of the killers of George Floyd, with special emphasis on whomever Donald Trump points at today.
Donald was just looking under his desk for something, not hiding under it! While he was down there, BLM support surged, as most Americans can see racism Isn’t being taken seriously enough. Steve King’s racism was taken seriously enough to get him ousted off the Republican ticket. Ferguson, Missouri elected their first black mayor, who is also their first woman mayor.
Tue, 2 June 2020
David Waldman combs through the detritus of American society, in a quite entertaining fashion:
Last night was another picturesque evening in DC , graced by the loveliest golden hour sunset. You know there’s no better time to take the Presidential Apprentice crew out to pick up some b-roll! Ergo, Donald Trump had the palace guard sweep the lowlife and scum from sight, so photographers could pick up a few shots of Donald’s post curfew stroll, trespassing, church looting, and religious desecration. His fans will just eat that up.
We are who we thought we were, except worse. Joe Biden calls on us to be more than we think we could be. Arlington Virginia police looked into the mirror and didn’t like what they saw. If you think the police are bad, you don’t want to see the vigilante white-boi gangs.
How did this all happen? Well earlier, on Saturday, beta-president Trump was shamed like a dog for hiding in his basement the previous night. By Monday he was reenacting the Downfall scene on Zoom with governors...
Trump wanted to get the G7 back together and relive old times, but Angela and the gang would prefer to increase their social distancing for the time being. Donald thought he’d invite Vlad, but it turns out Putin might be even less popular.
Mon, 1 June 2020
David Waldman chronicles the destruction and potential rebirth of America with added light repartee:
This weekend, Donald Trump tweeted out his betaness in all caps, while hiding in the basement, and cowering in the dark, tears running down his eyes like a dog, hoping in vain that his cosplay cavalry would charge to his rescue. Today, he squealed at alphas to do something now or else. Beta-beta Tom Cotton figures mowing down the first row or two of protesters should fix things.
Greg tells us that presidential election prospects are looking very good for Joe Biden. Not me—I don't want to jinx things. However, Greg does have some good points. Joe Biden should take into account present events while considering a woman of color to be his vice president—and he should take time to make that decision.
It is not 1968. Riots will not help Trump's reelection campaign, because nothing could ever happen that would ever make Donald Trump seem more like a leader to anyone, and comparisons with Joe Biden will just seem more silly by the day. Misinformation however, is guaranteed to exceed Nixonian levels.
Meanwhile, the Overton mail slot is moving to a more vote-by-mail friendly location.
Oh, and there is the COVID-19 thing. Coronavirus could be a blood vessel disease, which could explain everything. Nearly 6 in 10 aren’t ready to resume pre-pandemic activities. Protesters actually do care about the wellbeing of others. Trump couldn’t care less about West Point cadets. Donald cares enough about Brazil to send the very worst.