Thu, 31 December 2020
David Waldman rings out the old year today, but don’t expect any ringing in of the new until Monday’s KITM:
Mike Pence cancelled his trip to Israel and Donald Trump cancelled his appearance at Mar-a-Lago’s New Year’s Eve party. Some people have a bad feeling about this. It’s probably not good news, but it might not be bad news. After all, early and youth voting in Georgia is freaking out Trump and the Gop, and that’s good. There’s also the chance that Donald doesn’t really know or care who Ossoff and Warnock are. So, maybe Trump is returning to see what he can do to get $2000 to people in need… Yeah, we know that he came back to plot with fellow dimwit grifters and double-dealing sycophants on one last big heist while they still can.
Ok, the COVID-19 pandemic took us a little off guard, but then everyone understood for at least 9 months the need for a fast, coordinated rollout so… WTF? Greg Dworkin, who developed strategies a decade or so ago, rounds up the screw ups. The system is showing plenty of weak links, along with the problem of people cutting in line, while scores at the head are now refusing to take the shot. Any solution that keeps the line moving might be the best solution. Also, a temperature snag delayed vaccine shipments to Texas, just as a Wisconsin hospital employee deliberately removed almost 600 doses from refrigeration.
Ian Reifowitz calls in during the last half hour (Make a resolution to pick up a copy of Ian’s “The Tribalization of Politics: How Rush Limbaugh's Race-Baiting Rhetoric on the Obama Presidency Paved the Way for Trump”) to discuss all of the above topics and events, and to describe where Donald Trump and the Republican party would be be without their history of race and class resentment. (They would be where there weren’t any votes, for sure.)
Wed, 30 December 2020
Armando’s in the house! Virtually — and Greg Dworkin, and of course, David Waldman, so you’d expect a process and umbrage filled KITM. Not so much umbrage as you might expect, though. Of course, Donald Trump has earned every bit of disdain he’s received, and then some. It’s just that Donald and the 2020 nightmares are ending and COVID help is coming. What can Trump do now, other than get a few people, or a few thousand, or a few million, killed?
Almost Louisiana Congressman Luke Letlow felt masks were optional. So is COVID, for that matter. Healthy people are dying when their own antibodies respond to COVID by killing them. If the goal is to reach 80% of Americans vaccinated, we aren’t getting there with this administration. Elderly in Florida are given one more big chance to die from COVID while in line for the vaccine.
Onto process! Which, as KITM listeners know better than anyone else, is the way this whole thing will get fixed… or destroyed. Mitch McConnell is poison-pilling survival checks going into New Years. That’s ok by Trump, he likes poisoning more than paying. Bernie Sanders and Nancy Pelosi are prepared to spend the holiday prying the additions and a few Republicans off the bill.
Trump is filing a petition to the Supreme Court on Wisconsin now. Even judges are trolling the Kraken strike force. Few surprises there… well, maybe a few, but those will be later. The next big show is on January 6, when the seditious circus rolls into town. Mike Pence probably won’t go Manchurian for Louie Gohmert after all. MIke was planning to bug out on the 7th to the middle east where it’s safe, but even that plan is in doubt.
You have less than a week to study up on the electoral college certification process! Not that anything will come from these shenanigans, mind you, but if you want to follow half of what will be said on this show the next few days, it’s a must.
Tue, 29 December 2020
It’s Two Topic Tuesday on KITM! The glimmer of civilization today in the form of $2000 survival checks, and our subsequent collapse into barbarism 8 days later. David Waldman brings on Joan McCarter, busy the last few days installing a new house inside of her old house, for discussion and analysis:
Thank you, Donald Trump! Donald self-served America right into Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ hands. Even Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue are beginning to feel the Bern! Mitch McConnell is now on the hot seat after the House passes its $2000 direct COVID-19 payments bill. Mitch didn’t listen the first 9000 times or so, but Democrats might have his attention today. (No, I guess not. Dems will keep on knocking)
Republicans, now fans of socialism, hope to check out communism next week. Louie Gohmert believes it’s time for Mike Pence to play a little solitaire, but will the red queen come through for the Red revolution? Arizona bolshevists tried to deliver forged votes, assisted by fellow-travelling apparatchiks. Luckily, security measures were in place and held. We now know their exact plan of attack, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there, still scheming.
Oh, and one more thing, lest we forget. We are still dying by the thousands, each and every day, from COVID-19. Donald Trump’s Operation Warp Speed choked like a dog, and is guaranteed by design to continue to fail.
Mon, 28 December 2020
David Waldman returns from his long St. Stephen’s Day weekend, wrenned out but raring to go into our dramatic denouement of The Presidential Apprentice! Will it be an end to an era? Well, there were plenty of transparently corrupt megalomaniacs before Donald Trump showed up, and there will be plenty of self-serving dim-wits after he’s gone, yet probably no one will be able to lose so ungracefully and so often, again and again.
Trump’s art of the deal remains the same: He demands whatever comes to mind, takes what he can get, says the fix is in, and then declares victory. Donald is always simple. It’s the responses that have to be complex. Even suspension of the rules have a lot of rules to follow.
Last week, Donald stopped golfing to lose on COVID-19 relief, the omnibus spending bill and the defense policy bill, and yesterday he interrupted his golf game to lose them again, and again. You’d think Donald and his followers would be sick of losing by now, but unfortunately that’s just not the case. Trump will golf while America burns. Greg Dworkin joins us to discuss how we could survive the next few weeks, and thrive into the future.
Donald Trump is responsible for the death of 1 out of every 1000 Americans from COVID-19, and that’s just the start. The good news is that antibody therapies could help many, and that less people are fearing the vaccines. COVID-19 will keep bringing chaos to Washington.
Fri, 25 December 2020
It's a Wonderful Rerun!
Enjoy our Boxing Day 2019 extravaganza!
Whether you are post, pre, or peri holiday, enjoy it informed with David Waldman on today’s KITM:
Greg Dworkin rounds up the polls and punditry of recent Christmas past:
The more people understand the impeachment process, the more they would like to apply it to Donald Trump. As the election approaches, voters are still figuring out what needs to be done. Of course Republicans would prefer they went in the other direction, any other direction, or even no direction, at this point they don’t care. You fact checking them makes you part of the joke. Christians take a break from the heads of pins to divide over pinheads. Trump supporters aren’t racists, but… they absolutely are. The fight over the 1619 Project shows that we are far from where we pretend to be on race.
It did take a while, but Chuck Todd has begun to notice some dissembling by Trump mouthpieces. Is Chuck just plain stupid, or strategically stupid? How did someone like Chuck Todd even get here? David knows, and reveals Todd’s early days and The Hotline ethos. We are deep in an epistemic crisis and need to claw back to reality.
Thu, 24 December 2020
David Waldman, opens today’s KITM yawning like the MGM lion, waking us up for Christmas eve:
Donald Trump keeps handing out pardons like moist candy canes to anyone that met him under the mistletoe over the last few years. Donald pardoned Jesse Benton as a gift to his employers, Ron Paul and Mitch McConnell and the uncle of Benton's wife, Rand Paul… (Jesse will probably be Matt Gaetz’ son by the end of the day.) Trump pardoned a former Maryland police officer whose heart he knew was in the right place. (They need to be arrested faster than Trump can pardon them.) Merry Christmas! Trump’s Blackwater pardons aren’t bringing much cheer to their victim’s families, however. There’s bound to be more today, but Dad’s saving the nicest ones for under the tree in Mar-a-Lago.
Greg Dworkin reminds us that actually, Donald Trump doesn’t give gifts to anyone but himself. If he can take someone else’s gift, it’s even better. Merry F***ing Christmas to everyone in Congress with the Gop at each other’s throats and Democrats trying to pull $2000 checks out of the fireplace. It seems that Trump might be a little over his head still on how government works, or how reality works for that matter. Kelly Loeffler, too. Two Republican House members voted by proxy — while simultaneously suing to ban the use of proxy voting .
Ron DeSantis figures, why appoint experts when he can be the guy that says expert things? Rep.-elect Luke Letlow checked himself into the hospital for no particular reason, and is now thinking about checking out the ICU for the holidays. People who are immunocompromised or otherwise allow coronavirus to hang around for while might encourage unfortunate mutations.
Did Bill Barr arrest Lev Parnas to keep him from testifying against Donald Trump? Did a Democratic House candidate lose by 6 votes after 22 votes were improperly excluded in Iowa? Did the Kansas City Star misreport on Black Kansas Citians for generations? Yes.
Wed, 23 December 2020
David Waldman always throws the best Festivus, and today’s KITM might be the most festive ever. Think of all the grievances to air! As usual, Greg Dworkin brings on his feats of strength, and along with the pandemic and Trump guarantees a bottomless Festivus for all of us:
People forget, but Donald Trump is the GREATEST RINO, of ALL TIME. Republicans have strived to disremember that for years, but yesterday, Donald made certain to ring their bell, but good. Republicans spent hundreds of days pinching coronavirus relief down to 600 bucks, however Trump would rather it was up at AOC levels, maybe even a bit more if Nancy Pelosi gives him any guff about it.
All we need are a few more RINOs, or maybe some real Rs, to get this relief bill out. A motion to suspend the Rules could do the trick, but that would need to be done now, and how often does that happen? Unanimous consent would work, but there’s always some troublemaker.
RINOs might as well come out of hiding, because the shakeout’s coming soon. Trump’s staff can’t lie to themselves forever, now that Bill Barr is gone, and really, there is only so much a pardon can do for them. The Trump state might think someone is looking out for them, but on the other hand, it could be Iranian agents. Mark Meadows went to Georgia to twist some arms, but found only cold shoulders.
Wow, does the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts suck now, or what? Who knows what someone will need to do to get a grant nowadays… perhaps new board member, and Donald pal, Melania pal, Ghislaine Maxwell pal, and former Jeffrey Epstein pal, Paolo Zampolli would have an idea or two.
Tue, 22 December 2020
We’re still sponging down the scorched wallpaper here at KITM World Headquarters following Greg Dworkin’s F-arama yesterday, even as David Waldman wants to autotune the year’s profanity into “Christmas carols”... That’s sure to get us at least a mention on maybe three Fox shows and might even resurrect Bill O’Reilly’s career!
Meanwhile, Donald Trump hopes to make the next 30 days an amalgamation of the Alamo and Custer’s Last Stand, except with no hope, nor honor, and everyone is sacrificed to save him. Of course, some recall the negative effect this had on Davy Crockett’s congressional career, and will take a step back as the strike force is mowed down like a Trump dog. Geraldo and Pat Robertson already donned their bonnets and shawls and exited out the back, while Jared Kushner and Mike Pence discovered they have very important business far away from the parapets. William Barr says there’s no basis for seizing voting machines, using special counsels, or for him sticking around anymore. Sebastian Gorka would rather talk about how it feels to lose, rather than, you know... On the ground, cosplay militias don’t really care who they’re fighting, or why, but they’ve all been waiting for this moment, whatever it is.
South Carolina’s first lady tested positive for coronavirus after a White House Christmas party, and what do you know, so did the Governor. Also, hundreds of thousands of others... and a few thousand died last night.
Joan McCarter popped in for her pre-holiday visit, to tell us all who is naughty and nice in DC.
Rand Paul’s insufferability will outlast any pandemic. After the apocalypse, the remaining cockroaches will despise him. Then there’s Mitch McConnell. Mitch didn’t get his Christmas gift to corporations, but he was able to hurt their workers before the holidays. Hey, but 600 bucks isn’t nothing! Ok, it almost is, but the savings on 3 martini lunches sure will add up.
If Donald pardons himself, will he be rubber or glue? Joe might find out.
Mon, 21 December 2020
Believe it or not, today is the darkest day of 2020… or longest, depending on your perspective. Volcanoes erupt! Meteors fall! Giant planets conjunct! And, Greg Dworkin cusses like a !&?@#!#%&! in today’s opening discussion with David Waldman! Greg has a point. Republicans are F***ers, f***ing the nation and…
E.g., Donald Trump. Covid vaccines and Russian hacks mean nothing to that fuck. The New York Times style guide apparently needs to be revised to add the F word, “military coup”, “installing seditious agents”, “fomenting insurrection”, ”trafficking stolen property”, etc. As the Germans say — “WUT”?
Trump and Trumpists continue to fight to hold their criminal organization. Getting rid of Trump won’t get rid of Trumpism. A Republican with a conscience is primaried to the right. A Democrat with a conscience… is primaried to the right. Republicans prefer their trolley car exercises not be televised for this reason. Of course, some people have a crazy thing for very bad boys. Those people will miss their statue of Robert E. Lee, removed from the Capitol this morning. That statue will be updated with one of American civil rights leader-pioneer Barbara Johns, who wasn’t bad or a boy. Virginia will continue to pull down racist commemorations, even in the face of confederate parroting.
Churches can help stop COVID-19 rather than spread it. African-Americans don’t trust vaccines for a reason, and churches can help reach out. Of course, the coronavirus is mutating, it wouldn’t be 2020 without that.
Fri, 18 December 2020
David Waldman delivers the Friday KITM on time, every time, pretty much:
When will this election be over? Oh, that’s right, the election was over November 3rd, December 8th, December 14th and dozens of dates in between... It’ll be over on December 23rd, the deadline for certificates of the states’ electoral votes to be received, and January 6th, when the votes are counted by Congress, and every day to Inauguration day and every day until November 5th, 2024.
Meanwhile... Kayleigh Mcenany jockeys for alternative employment at a place she can report alternative facts. Pennsylvania congressmen sacrifice their positions and their state to keep their Trump troll alive. Trump lawyers ask that Wisconsin be lopped off as well. Arkansas Republicans will wait to see if Arkansas is still around on January 20th before making a decision. Tommy Tuberville is too new to have picked up much of that “Trump sienna” shade to his nose, and knows this might be his last chance. Arizona cosplay electors are trying to pass forged electoral ballots because, why not? David explains the why not, and also the what next.
Like “trickle down” economics, no one even pretends to believe this is real unless they’re part of the grift. That’s why people like failed traffic court lawyer Jenna Ellis became Trump’s lead attorney. Even Donald Trump isn’t stupid enough to believe it. The last thing of value Trump has to hock are pardons, and after that... who needs him?
Well, there is market for nuclear secrets, for sure. It would be just like Donald to sell the lot at fire sale prices, or even less, wouldn’t it? Without Trump or anonymous shell companies, where can international villains make their investments? The Pentagon shuts off Biden transition briefings, just in case. (We are only a few weeks from Trump aids pooping in desk drawers.)
Instead of wall sconces and copper wiring, some Republicans, such as Interior Secretary David Bernhardt are leaving with a load of coronavirus. Alabama Congressman Mike Rogers also did his part for herd immunity. Hey — how about a national inoculation celebration day?
Thu, 17 December 2020
A Nor'easter blasted, strangely enough, the Northeast last night. Greg Dworkin’s forest friends worked around the clock but couldn’t dig him out before showtime. Lucky for us, David Waldman pretty much lives at KITM World Headquarters and was able to pull a solo shift:
Where’s that Rose Garden executive gibbet? Of course, we still have a month — or so — to put things right for future historians. 300,000+ American deaths, 3000+ per day don’t seem sufficient to move the public to action. It was plenty enough for the Trump administration to obfuscate and suppress information, however. Mentally ill Michael Caputo’s sociopathic sidekick, Paul Alexander plotted to infect infants, kids and teens, until he killed just enough people to open local bars. “Freedom Flu”, as it would have been called had Emmanuel Macron not caught it, wasn’t considered that big a deal 6 months ago by conservatives… at least non-investors.
The latest conservative non-urgency is Russia’s recent declaration of war on the United States. Arson might be good strategy for covering up crimes. Former House Foreign Affairs director Paul Behrends didn’t quite dodge all of the falling pianos and anvils one night. Donald Trump barely got the unscalable walls erected around the White House before waves of pardon seekers began their siege. Pamela Anderson adds a Julian Assange verse to her Trump rendition of “Santa Baby”.
A lot fell apart during the Trump administration, but there is one thing the Republicans hope to raise higher than anyone ever could imagine… “The Bar” Democrats better mind their Ps and Qs and Fs in our hallowed halls of government!
Wed, 16 December 2020
David Waldman wrestled his Christmas tree to get to the KITM(™?) microphone — and won! — for a crazy start to a not so crazy show. Greg Dworkin says that whether you believe in sanity this time of the year or not, these holidays are becoming happier, saner and more cheerfully, boringly, Trump-free each day.
Donald is still out there, but he’s mostly Republican’s problem now. The news can, and should, turn away. (And they will, because the money’s going away.) Sure, ‘tis the season for unity, and all that, but let’s not go crazy! Red-states and counties do love to see blue-state presents under their tree, but they’re showing up strangely empty-handed right when their arms should be full.
More sanity: Americans are growing less reluctant to take a COVID-19 vaccine. Congressional negotiators might get a coronavirus rescue package by taking out the crazy bits. It’s an early Christmas for some Black colleges and universities, as MacKenzie Scott shows Ex Jeff Bezos how it’s done.
Yet, there is still insanity: Lunatics put Republicans into their positions, and unsurprisingly, might come and take them out. A Qanon-Republican (Is there any other kind?) was arrested for child pornography, and should be checked for adrenochrome levels. A former cop/paid vigilante in Texas almost kills an air-conditioner repairman in order to feed his delusions and bank account. Then, of course, there is the King of Cranks, crushing the CDC, destroying CDC records on coronavirus, all while having information suppressed in Florida. No wonder his future neighbors don’t want him in their backyards.
Caregivers decide how to spread the still too rare vaccine ethically, while Donald Trump rushes through lethal injection drugs, and slow-walks Regeneron. Thousands will die tonight, and tomorrow, and the days following. Trump lost the worst war we ever fought.
Tue, 15 December 2020
David Waldman delivers a most festive KITM today, full of Cha Nookah cheer:
Donald still has his share of fake believers. Steve Bannon says inauguration is just your constitutional opinion, man. Stephen Miller called for alternate electors to bring some alternate facts to the ground, and across the nation faithful fraudsters sporting Groucho glasses and forged certification “beat electors to the game”, thereby winning by default, of course… until the real electors showed up and ruined everything.
Even some Democrats need to be reminded that believing something should happen doesn’t necessarily make it happen. Jimmy Dore, best known for hosting The Jimmy Dore Show, and being an jerk/idiot, wants what he wants now, confusing having demands with having power. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thinks two steps ahead and walks into fewer walls.
Mon, 14 December 2020
David Waldman’s College of KITM Knowledge is open, and class is in session.
Of course, neither Donald Trump nor his followers read the WSJ. Michigan votes today under the threat of violence. The entire electoral college is voting under the threat of violence. Proud Boys put on their mom’s skirts, but for safety’s sake might’ve put her knee pads on as well, when they went all stabby in DC last night. Really, it’s just a good idea to stay away from those assholes.
Keep in mind that there are still plenty of Republicans that did know better, that also tried to topple democracy. Newt Gingrich lost his dog whistle, and Ted Cruz can’t spell paradise, but they aren’t complete idiots and shouldn’t be treated as such. Even Rand Paul isn’t as dumb as Trump thinks he is. Trump’s judges didn’t save him because they aren’t Trump’s judges, and they have job security now. There are maybe 10 saps nationwide that really believe the election was stolen and even other Republicans laugh at them.
Dr. Greg Dworkin assures Joseph Epstein and Wall Street Journal that being a doctor isn’t just a guy thing, although there’s also bound to be some grumbling about incoming Senator Reverend Dr. Raphael Warnock for some reason, as well. If Georgian Republicans stay at each other’s throats Jon Ossoff could make it a sweep.
Fri, 11 December 2020
David Waldman delivers a new KITM, still available in all 50 states! (We still have 50 states, right?)
Joe Biden was elected President of the United States; Donald Trump is trying overthrow democracy to take that title. This is just another example of the polarization of politics… or actually sedition. Nope it doesn’t matter what side of the political divide you’re on. The new embrace of political polarization reveals the worst side of bothsideism-er-ists, as Trump Gimmetarians who don’t want to risk losing, especially when they know they deserve to lose, rig the system because they just know you would if you were them.
The Electoral College prepares to hand Donald Trump the loss he still refuses to accept. Trump continues to make perfect phone calls for those to join his lost cause, and the Kraken Caucus is right there to dead-end with him. Trump will lose for the umpteenth time, but maybe that’s not the point. For Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, it’s business as usual, for others it’s a whole new career. Wisconsin might not be totally on the ball, but at least they aren’t getting mixed up in this.
Other countries have procedures in place to handle problems similar to this, but maybe we’re just too nice. We went and forgot the Alamo and let Santa Anna chew gum in exile on Staten Island. Mar-a-Lago has a new print of Donald Trump on the cover of Responsible Statecraft framed above the bar, waiting for Donald to make Palm Beach great again. Donald’s real and fake families do need a place to pretend to live, and who knows, maybe Melania might visit… and of course, folks like the Syrians need an address to send their check.
Thu, 10 December 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back together again! Ok, it hasn’t been that long, but it’s always good news when it happens!
Good news also for those who disagree with how another state handles electoral votes, COVID-19, gun laws, abortion, same sex marriage, etc. — Just have your state sue their state! There was a time states just didn’t care for that, supposedly. Now it turns out, some states, like Georgia, are maybe into that sort of thing. C'est la vie! Except, of course, for the officials who toss out their state’s electoral votes because they fear for their lives. Plenty of loons are standing by for that word from Donald Trump, or maybe their pet dog, to start boogin’. Sleeper cells are waking up in Congress as we speak. Mitt Romney senses that it’s time to act alarmed again.
Ah, but someday, like a miracle, Donald will disappear. Well, maybe not quite a miracle. But before he does, Joe Biden should stay out of the way of the authorities that do want to see Trump for moment or two. Until then, friends of Trump are friends with benefits. Michael Flynn’s pardon doesn’t make him innocent, but he’s still pardoned. David Perdue picked up $1.8 million from a guy, after he passed that guy’s bill. Trump installed a friend in the Pentagon who immediately sent all the money to a friend of both of theirs.
Nobody hates people getting benefits more than the guy that just missed qualifying for them. This is what’s called “economic anxiety”… which also includes being anxious about any people of color, whatever their actual class.
South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem notes that COVID-19 isn’t so bad if you don’t have it, and those that do, grease the wheels of progress. Over 3,000 went into the gears last night. Sweden thought this was a good plan too, for a while. RonaRudyTooty finds no downside with this system.
Wed, 9 December 2020
Wednesday may be Sundae at Carvel, but it’s Law Day at KITM.
First, a little more on that 1,500-lawyer open letter that Joan told us about yesterday, just to set the stage for another story about lawyers protesting. This time, it’s a protest of Florida Man governor Ron DeSantis sending the cops to raid the home of former state data scientist Rebekah Jones, in what Jones says is a foundationally-shaky retaliation for exposure of DeSantis’s demands for supporting his preferred COVID lies.
BREAKING NEWS: Something, something, Donald Trump, aliens, and the former head of the Israeli space agency you never knew existed.
Safe Harbor Day has come and gone, but Trump’s (or not-Trump’s, depending) courthouse shenanigans continue, despite still more increasingly-decisive setbacks, and even as the “Elite Strike Force” is felled by the COVID strike force. Florida Man attorney Armando joins us for a generalized thrashing of what passes for the Trump “plan” of attack, featuring 100% more law! In a late-breaking but unsurprising development, Trump’s pounding of the table rings false, too.
With Trump’s chances to stall or reverse state certifications behind us, what problems might still lie ahead? For one thing, there’s the long-term damage to the credibility of our system, facilitated even by “decent Republicans.” But beyond that, there’s still the January 6th Joint Session, where Congress counts and ratifies the Electoral College vote. We know that a couple Members widely regarded as kooks plan to try to muck up the works. But what about the vaunted “institutionalists?” Well, no. They look like they’re all in, too.
Tue, 8 December 2020
It wouldn’t be a Tuesday KITM without Joan McCarter! Or, without David Waldman, of course! (Who would answer the phone when she called in?)
Wasn’t today the day Donald Trump was supposed to shut up about the election? Was it next Monday? Three Wednesdays from next? For now, the coup continues. Donald has a favor to ask of the Pennsylvania House Speaker, though. Trump called him twice, in case he’s hard of hearing. That’s the third state he’s personally leaned on, that we know of. “We” doesn’t necessarily include Donald Trump, because who knows on what level Donald “knows” anything at this point. “Coup”, however, is not an overstatement. Anyone who thinks it is, doesn’t know the meanings of the term.
Kool Aid drinker Lou Dobbs confronted Kool Aid vendor Stephen Miller about Republican coup dawdling. Texas won’t secede until they first use the Supreme Court to sue enemy states. (Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is playing a little Trump-dimensional chess here.)
Just put Ken Paxton on Donald Trump’s Christmas pardon list. Donald has so many pardons planned, he might put together a “form letter” pardon or possibly more of a “Mad Libs” pardon for Rona-Rudy-Tooty-Jack A’roony-Giuliani. 1,500 attorneys are calling for bar associations across the country to investigate members of Trump's "elite strike force". Rudy and Jenna Ellis plan to fight them all the way to the highest traffic court. Jenna just discovered one more reason not to sit near Rudy Giuliani. We here at KITM wish this monster well, along with her friends and family. Unless, one of them is Mitch McConnell. McConnell can bite a big COVID-19 and chew it.
Mitch McConnell still holds COVID-19 relief hostage, and maybe some Senate Democrats are going to cave in. Mitch protects Postmaster Jerk Louis DeJoy as well. If we get Georgia, we can fix all of this and more.
Mon, 7 December 2020
Have an introspective Pearl Harbor day. Did you know that more people will die from Covid-19 today, than died at Pearl Harbor in 1941? Kind of a pain in the ass to have to consider that, isn't it? Tomorrow is “Safe Harbor” day, which who knows, might mean something this year.
Georgia has recounted, and Brian Kemp is reannouncing the recertification of presidential election results. (Joe wins.) Will there be more phony-baloney lawsuits? Sure, but they’ll be thrown out even quicker. Based on their Georgia Senate debates, Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock win by default.
Donald Trump is disappearing, like a miracle. He is falling off the front page, and as you know, Donald hates that. Sure, it will take a long time to get the stink out, but even if Trump hang-glided off Air Force One into Mar-a-Lago, come Inauguration Day he won’t be president. Some scary violent nutballs and fascists will stick around, but actually smart Republicans and Democrats will only want to see Donald Trump again in court.
At the moment, the places that really need airing out are the ones Rona-Rudy Giuliani was sitting in. Open the windows, please! Something just doesn’t smell right with Trump’s lawyer Jenna Ellis, either.
Here come the Covid-19 vaccines! Rest assured, however, that wherever you are in the line, you ain’t in the front. There aren’t much vaccines yet to go around either, so take it easy on the featherheads that still won’t put on masks. After all, if we outlaw mask non-compliance, only outlaws won’t wear masks. And yet, you could look at swiss cheese and find a better solution to Covid-19 than Swedish government has come up with until now.
Fri, 4 December 2020
David Waldman delivers the Friday KITM... Yay, it’s Friday! Joe Biden just might be making weekends great again. Notice how they have been becoming a little less dreadful lately? Donald Trump is falling off the front page… although his stain will persist for a long time.
Oh, Donald is still out there. But, he’s squeezed the last pennies from the rubes, the Republican lampreys are detaching, Trump’s left out there punching himself in the face, and losing. It’s his word against his now, and no one is listening.
A few dead-end swindlers remain to snuffle up the dregs. Alleged onanist-flatulist Rudy Giuliani couldn’t even mortify himself into the spotlight in Michigan once ultra-wack job Mellissa Carone took the stage. Who should play Carone on Saturday Night Live? Cut her a check, and she’ll be there, herself. Cut enough checks and SNL won’t need a cast.
This doesn’t mean fraud has left politics. The Florida attorney that gave seminars on fraud-voting in Georgia didn’t come up with the idea, you know. Josh Hawley, still paving the way for Trump lies, pretends to live at his sisters place when he needs to vote out of state.
Third or fourth time’s the charm for Mariannette Miller-Meeks, winning by 1.1 handfuls of a vote over Rita Hart, which would have gone the other way if Iowa counted votes like other states.
Democrats pick Rosa DeLauro to be the next House Appropriations Committee chairwoman, although fundraising performance might have pointed to Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Don’t worry, as long as Debbie’s money sticks around, so will she. Sean Patrick Maloney takes over the DCCC and is ready for a fight, which will be what he is going to recieve.
China’s Sinovac tried to Sinobribe its Coronavac into approval. Pass on that one.
Adolf Hitler Uunona wins election in Namibia, but has no plans to move on to world domination during his first term. His name wasn’t much of a hindrance there as Namibians aren’t bothered so much about that particular era in German history.
Thu, 3 December 2020
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin do dumps, big massive dumps of insight and entertainment for Thursday’s show:
What’s worse, Donald Trump or COVID-19? It could be a tie, they are hard to separate at this point.
We lost a 9/11’s worth of people to COVID-19 yesterday. A total number rivaling a nuclear strike. About 70,000 since Donald Trump invented regeneron. So yesterday, instead of doing something, or anything, Donald spent the whole day producing his “most important speech” ever, worth even less than absolutely nothing, a net negative to everyone.
In fact, if we want to reach proper immunisation levels across the country we should make an effort to “depoliticize” vaccinations, maybe we can call the vaccine “The Trump vaccine”, and praise Donald Trump as often as possible, so that he doesn’t become distracted or counterproductive. Of course, those people who didn’t bother to wear masks, or actively opposed them in bars, restaurants, parties, orgies, rallies, protests, private and superspreader events... From those that think COVID-19 is a hoax, to those that just don’t think... They created, and reside in, hot zones and should be moved to the front of the vaccine line, right behind the important people. Sigh.
You don’t need to tell Republicans they lost the election, they know. Most of them are in it to troll the libs as long as they can. Some really could be that dumb or crazy, though. That concerns the people that think this pro-wrestling schtick might have just gone too far. Money, like Sheldon Adelson, and OG, like Newt Gingrich are beginning to sweat this hand as the lunatics line up, some of them dangerous for the party, and some of them ready to end the game for everybody. The folks that fantasize about martial law have been training cops on how they want them to handle it.
KITM listener-correspondent John Ronald has at least two first names, and a report on voter suppression in Harris county Texas. Over in Florida, a Republican holds a TED talk on how to fraudulently vote in Georgia. David Perdue cashes in on his job, 2596 times. Ivanka Trump can give her dad and bros inside tips on where to find cigs in the pen.
Wed, 2 December 2020
Joe Biden needs to get all of his ducks in a row, now. With Democrats, that means herding a lot of cats, a Nancy Pelosi specialty. David Waldman examines the process of arraying caucus constituencies in the steering and policy committee memberships. Whoever gets to steer will wield a lot of power, and there are a few theories of who will most deserve to take the wheel.
Greg Dworkin, temporarily distracted by fox news, calls in with a coronavirus update. Cases, hospitalisations, deaths, and heartbreak are due to take a leap this week. Coronavirus was in the US earlier than we thought. The CDC will shorten their recommended quarantine for COVID-19 exposure. Hang on, help is coming. Remember, to be safe always wear a mask!
Donald Trump mulls over handing out pardons to his eldest children and Uncle Rudy... probably Jared, not that goody two shoes Tiffany... and that wife he’ll need going into 2024. Other than that — Oh, who are we kidding? The dude’s a vending machine. Everyone has their price, and Donald’s is what you got on you. (Wait for his after Christmas sale, second week in January.)
Meanwhile, Trump will burn it all down before he gives Joe Biden a thing. He wants the Supreme Court to throw out somewhere between 80 thousand and 7 million votes, whatever it takes. Mike Flynn calls for a military coup. The White Tea Party Committee (WTPC) calls for martial law, civil war... and safe elections just like Ohio’s — except impeach Mike Dewine. Ron Johnson could say something, but it would be political suicide, perhaps the real kind, too. Of course, sticking with Trump is just as suicidal, and even more likely to kill bystanders. Kelly Loeffler cuts off her own avenue of escape. How many people does Trump have to kill before Twitter removes the tags from his tweets? If you join a Republican suicide pact, make certain you have a tight grip before jumping off that bridge.
Brad Parscale took every inch of Trump’s love, and should be thankful he got out when he did.
Tue, 1 December 2020
We made it to December! Only 24 more days until… Only 50 more days until the Inauguration of Joe Biden as the president of the United States! Ho ho ho!
David Waldman and Joan McCarter bring us some glad tidings early:
Joe Biden is packing many welcome stocking-stuffers into his bag, including a way-overdue COVID stimulus and executive order patches to build us back better. Democracy gets treats while Trumpers and their moles get the sack. It will be easy to cut Trump from intelligence briefings by just enforcing normal standards for trustworthiness.
This will all be easier with a couple of new Georgia Senators. Donald Trump called Georgia governor Brian Kemp to call off the runoff elections, or maybe all elections, because who needs them? Brian is going to get a new phone for Christmas. Donald’s getting nothing from Santa.
Donald Trump gave Michael Flynn the gift that keeps on giving, a preemptive pardon. Rudy the red-nosed wanker is first in line for what’s bound to be the hottest gift for Trumpers this year. Experts like Emptywheel are reading the fine print, and suggest some might be getting more than they hoped for.
One of Jared Kushner’s many awful gift ideas, Scott Atlas, prime example of the Trump Trollocracy, is now past his expiration date. More than the average troll, Scott helped kill hundreds of thousands while in his position and hundreds of thousands will die because of him in the future. The organizer of anti-COVID lockdown rallies in Pennsylvania got a COVID test prior to meeting with Donald Trump, and you know what that means.
Darwin H.M., @Darwin_Darko to you and me, describes why it is time to leave Afghanistan, before one more American is killed. Trump hopes to sell the United Arab Emirates billions of dollars worth of arms that they plan to regift soon.