Tue, 31 December 2019
New Years Eve! For some, this could be a day of sleeping in, eating cheeseburgers and cake, or maybe getting in a few rounds of golf to close out the year, but not David Waldman, who could’ve easily spent the the holiday fighting off swarms of raccoons, but instead produced pre & post ball-drop KITMs for our edification and entertainment:
Mitch McConnell hoped to pull off the Senate impeachment trial of Donald Trump quickly and painlessly, and would have gotten away with it too, if wasn’t for that Nancy Pelosi, and all of that new evidence piling up. Senator Marco Rubio, member of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and avid reader of random bible verses, hasn’t yet bothered to read Senate intelligence documents on Trump, but has developed many opinions. Marco might someday read that extortion for personal gain is the Trump administration MO.
The media claims Donald erased his efforts to out a CIA whistleblower, but really Trump erased only one effort... News flash! Biden floats the idea of picking a Republican running mate! Second news flash! Biden did NOT float the idea of picking a Republican running mate! Seriously, which headline do you think editors will go for?
David looks closely at the shooting at White Settlement (Yes, your guess on the origin of the name is correct.) A trained firearms expert closely monitoring the situation killed the attacker, but not before the attacker was able to kill a trained firearms expert closely monitoring the situation.
Another cop signs his coffee cup “Pig”, a joke of his actually made hilarious after McDonald’s proved that he did it.
William Barr’s intel probe might not help Trump, but it will probably hurt the CIA, which might be good enough for those two.
Mon, 30 December 2019
Another week, another holiday or two. David Waldman joins with Greg Dworkin to bring us this holiday perforated week.
Is the Senate trial the light at the end of Donald Trump’s impeachment tunnel, or the train? Republican Senators dive for someplace safe. Republican voters are losing their enthusiasms. Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi drives Donald crazy, and defends the Constitution.
Have Democratic voters gotten smarter and more loyal to their party than back in 2016? It depends on who is leading them. Democrats see little reason to be loyal to Tulsi Gabbard. Joe Biden remains in the lead and on the campaign trail confirming that he has, or hasn’t got what it takes to win.
Trump continues to demonstrate that he’s unrepentant and determined to break the law again. Or that he’s a dimwitted Putin and/or Parscale puppet. For 84 days Trump fought hard to keep Putin great. Today, Donald goes golfing.
Fri, 27 December 2019
Happy Holidays! ‘Tis the week or two for not getting much done. David Waldman is able to stuff yet another KITM into our stocking:
Because of Donald Trump, we are saying Merry Christmas again! Though some people never stopped. For instance, The Hallmark channel has always embraced Christmas traditions just as many remember—without gay people, brown people or non-Christians... Well, they invited a few. After all, it’s Christmas.
Do you think Rudy Guiliani is able to introduce his “communications director” Christianné Allen without elbowing the guy next to him and snickering? Rudy Colludy as an impeachment witness would bring plenty of pizzazz, and could clinch the case. The Ukraine scandal already has plenty of pizzazz for everyone.
Thu, 26 December 2019
Whether you are post, pre, or peri holiday, enjoy it informed with David Waldman on today’s KITM:
Greg Dworkin rounds up the polls and punditry of recent Christmas past:
The more people understand the impeachment process, the more they would like to apply it to Donald Trump. As the election approaches, voters are still figuring out what needs to be done. Of course Republicans would prefer they went in the other direction, any other direction, or even no direction, at this point they don’t care. You fact checking them makes you part of the joke. Christians take a break from the heads of pins to divide over pinheads. Trump supporters aren’t racists, but… they absolutely are. The fight over the 1619 Project shows that we are far from where we pretend to be on race.
It did take a while, but Chuck Todd has begun to notice some dissembling by Trump mouthpieces. Is Chuck just plain stupid, or strategically stupid? How did someone like Chuck Todd even get here? David knows, and reveals Todd’s early days and The Hotline ethos. We are deep in an epistemic crisis and need to claw back to reality.
Wed, 25 December 2019
Hey, remember what you were doing last Christmas? Well, forget it. Who cares? Do you remember what you were doing last year, two days after Christmas? On the 27th? Probably not, right?
Not so fast! People who listen to the Kagro in the Morning show can easily recall everything about that day, because we recorded it, and are about to play it back to you. It went a little something like this....
Donald Trump has only a few more days to pwn the libs and the Coast Guard before the Dems show up. Even so, he pushed his concerns for the institution of the Presidency and his niggling bone spur inflammation aside to not-so-secretly fly to Iraq to reveal classified information on troop deployment, create an international diplomatic incident, and do his usual lying to people’s faces.
Khizr Khan, whose son, Army Capt. Humayun Khan, 27, died from a suicide bombing, delivered a passionate speech at the Democratic National Convention. You might remember it, Donald Trump probably not. But at least a post office will be named after Captain Khan.
Greg Dworkin has been rounding up punditry left and right this week—even more so than usual. As Democrats have a chance to overcome the sexism and venality of politics, they will begin to earn more respect. At the moment they are only slightly ahead of Republicans and Trump. MSNBC tops Fox in journalism, integrity and quality, and now in number of viewers as well.
Bad guys with power tools meet good guys with guns, and amazingly no one got nailed.
To clean up election fraud, we need to go way back.
Mon, 23 December 2019
[Humorous Christmas reference!]
It’s that time of year again, when we visit relatives with spotty web connections, and so rely on repeat performances of a prior year’s show! Huzzah!
For today, please enjoy our December 24, 2018 episode:
The present Trump shutdown is on day 3 with no end in sight, but that includes no end in sight for the Mueller Investigation, which is funded by a permanent indefinite appropriation. KITM digs into the history and reasoning behind the Special Counsel funding, even to the point of actually opening and reading a Federalist article to glean some insight. Of course, Donald could just site “LOL v. YOLO” and have non-recused non-Attorney General Matthew Whitaker take care of everything before the holidays’ end.
Mon, 23 December 2019
Merry Kagro in the Morning! David Waldman presents the day’s jolly airing of grievances that precede his annual sufganiyot-induced slumber. He’s back Thursday!
You wouldn’t think evangelical Christians would be so dogmatic, but then again, that is kind of their point. Still, it is hard to confuse Trump with Christ and fewer do each day. This weekend, Greg rounded up the continually growing moral outrage expressed in Christianity Today’s editorial, “Trump Should Be Removed from Office”, which brought needed attention to the fissures existing in Trump’s support, along with overdue recognition to the Christians who aren’t Trump idolizers.
It’s not just Santa. If you own a cellphone, just about everyone knows if and when you are naughty and nice. Saudis and their NSA pals developed and distributed a popular spy app, along with tens of thousands of manipulative Twitter accounts.
Russian assassins love using poison. Unit 29155 perhaps loved it too much.
Fri, 20 December 2019
David Waldman starts us off with a rundown of his thoughts and analysis of the 6th Democratic Debate. He did not watch it however, so the rundown was kind of a rumble strip. Pick one, elect one, why don’t we?
Oh no! Did anyone remember to impeach Donald Trump before locking up the House for the holidays? Because, if the House did not communicate its impeachment to the Senate, it hasn’t actually impeached the president... Unless the House communicates its impeachment, then it actually impeaches the president... Unless that’s all just crazy-talk and Donald has been impeached forever and ever... Why trust someone like Laurence Tribe though? Trump should go with his gut, resign immediately and own the Libs forever, trust me.
Lev and Igor were chasing any small change dropped by international mobsters when they stumbled into Rudy and Donald, their romance made history, and millions of dollars… for, uhm, Lev’s wife. (Divorce lawyers, take note.) Christianné Allen, 20-year-old college student, social media lamprey, now joins the gang.
Some sort of holiday messages here: A three year old put a cap in Daddy’s ass for Christmas. Santa sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake, because he has your phone codes. The highest-ranking Gop woman in the House, Cathy McMorris Rodgers, filled her stocking with taxpayer money.
Thu, 19 December 2019
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, Thursday. What more do you need to know? Here’s something:
Oh yes, the impeachment. Tulsi Gabbard was there. Tulsi won’t be at the primary debate of course, but she was sort of at the impeachment debate, where she placed her Schrodinger vote. Unlike Tulsi, Trump was not present. Donald was in Michigan complaining about how few Democrats he’s been able to buy, including Debbie Dingell. Therefore, Trump joked about her late husband being in Hell.
Meanwhile, in the debate Republicans made no claims that Trump “did no wrong”. (They in fact did not claim that Trump was ever honest in any way.)
A Chinese national was arrested after trespassing at Mar-a-Lago. Yep, another one.
Wed, 18 December 2019
David Waldman is off the roof and in the house, Abby joins us via Skype. If you listen closely, you might catch Greg Dworkin rounding up polls and pundits somewhere in the background:
The Gop is not winning the impeachment argument, the election, maybe the Senate, and there’s more bad news for them to come. Most have heard enough already to decide for impeachment, so Kavanaugh-style obfuscation won’t get much traction. Trump might never text a lowercase word ever again as he struggles to recapture the attention of the 2016 voters who have wandered away from him. Half of military service members have dropped Trump. So has the fourth Pentagon official.
Heading into the Senate trial, Republicans will miss Jim Jordan’s big mouth. So, now they’re thinking, “Why not Jim Jordan?” After all, it’s not like they have any representatives there. Democrats see Justin Amash as Democrats, and America’s representative. Maybe Nancy Pelosi could be open to leaving the inquiry open for a while.
Tue, 17 December 2019
Democrats in the House solemnly made it clear that Donald Trump deserves impeachment, and are getting ready to solemnly vote for the articles of impeachment that have been brought forward against Trump. In fact, not only did Trump commit “impeachable offenses”, but he committed crimes. Will all that solemnity go to waste after the articles are sent to the Senate? Probably! Moscow Mitch plans to hole up in his shell until this nightmare is over, while Rudy Colludy twerks with his pants around his knees. What are Democrats going to do about it?
David Waldman wields the full power of KITM’s 1:58+ running time to attempt to tackle the entirety of how Donald Trump’s federal criminal offences pertain to his impeachment, why additional witnesses and documents are needed, and to examine individual violations and crimes, such as campaign finance violations, bribery, honest services fraud, violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and the Hatch Act, committing contempt of Congress, and disobeying the Impoundment Control Act... for starters. David will wield more KITM’s at this topic this week!
Mon, 16 December 2019
There is a “chance for winter weather” in mid-December near KITM World Headquarters, and that means David Waldman has extra crew to help operate forks, knives and refrigerator doors in the background as needed.
Literally everyone (not including the 54% of Americans polled and the 45% of independents favoring impeachment right now) could use a little more information before deciding on impeachment. Therefore, there is no need to send impeachment to the the Senate until Trump is completely finished committing his impeachable offences and crimes. Today, the Judiciary Committee released a 600 page report for those still on the fence to mull over.
The law somehow keeps marching on: A federal judge rejected a request by the Justice Department that he delay the proceedings in the House Oversight Committee’s census subpoena lawsuit until an appeals court decides the separate Don McGahn subpoena case. The White House refused to turn over interpreter’s notes from a meeting between President Trump and Vladimir Putin because Trump took them and wouldn’t give them back.
Fri, 13 December 2019
You’re in luck. The schools local to KITM World Headquarters might consider this Friday the 13th to be best burrowed under a nice warm blanket, but not David Waldman, who this very morning braved the frigid drafts of a unknown number of intersecting hallways to provide us with today’s latest:
There is no word that can adequately describe parents that store unlocked guns with kids “to protect them”. The only people dumber are those that believe arming random strangers will protect their kids at school.
No wait, there may be worse. How about those that can’t see that in the interim between acquittal and election Donald Trump just might feel like taking his desperate lawlessness up a notch? Then what are they going to do about it? You know, patience and time are the best tools in this situation… Republicans know that too.
Millions in aid haven’t reached Ukraine yet. So, a federal judge on Monday issued a preliminary injunction ordering the OMB to comply with a FOIA request for records. The White House says no thank you. David looks into the next steps, should anyone want to pursue them.
Are Dems their own worst enemies? Is it possible that Pat Leahy did more damage to liberal interests than any individual Democratic senator of the Obama era? Well, you can ask “Chuckles” here, he’ll tell you all about it.
Thu, 12 December 2019
Today, Just up the road from KITM World Headquarters, history is being made. Following that, it is lovingly prepared by David Waldman and Greg Dworkin then shipped to you in fun-size two-hour packages:
With the impeachment trial coming up in January, Republicans plan to try a tactic they probably wished they thought of long ago: No witnesses. They hope do just enough to say they did, with minimal Lib-triggering, so of course going against the central tenet of Trumpism. Meanwhile, Democrats want what what everybody else wants, they just differ on what that is, exactly.
Congress shouldn’t stop with Donald Trump, they should impeach William Barr and everyone else that deserves it, then impeach Trump again. By that time Donald will have earned at least 3 more articles.
No, the Trump administration Is not redefining Judaism as a nationality. Maybe they don’t know what they are doing. Maybe they don’t care.The White House rolled out a new reason that they withheld money for Ukraine, because it’s been a while and they needed to roll out a new reason. Can you believe that in Ukraine they study Trump's twitter feed for guidance on what to do next? (Which is like gleaning marriage advice from the neighbor’s dog, but these are desperate times) Well, Lev Parnas picked up a $1 million check from Putin, so…
Former Attorney General Eric Holder feels William Barr is pretty worthless, although he exceeds all criteria established by this present administration. The most Trumpy TV channel attempts the most Trumpy things but not everyone gets away with that.
Wed, 11 December 2019
David Waldman is back from his roof leak crisis of yesterday. He still has the leak, just not the crisis, as the hole is promised to be patched in a week, two weeks, maybe sooner...
You hear it here first: Greg Dworkin predicts Trump WILL be impeached. Only two articles of impeachment, even though Trump has earned impeachment in a million ways. The reason for this is simple, and of course, complex. Republicans aren’t even putting up a defense, because that would just complicate their simple acquittal plans. Time to call surprise witness, Ivanka Trump! She has a pretty good idea of what Michael Steele has got in his dossier, if you get my drift.
While we are impeaching, let’s put Ben Carson in line.
Political media production staff can thank Mike Bloomberg for pumping $90 million into their economy. Bloomberg is now ahead of Trump… heck, everybody’s ahead of Trump. The Dems are neck and neck and neck and neck heading into New Hampshire because they are all #1 with completely different sets of people.
In the meantime, should Democrats impeach Trump or work with him? Why not both? Mitch McConnell asks, “Why not neither?” Joan McCarter assures us that this has always been Moscow Mitch’s plan. Mitch is too busy appointing unqualified, extremist judges to lifetime positions right now. Maybe next month he’ll throw a little sham thing together if there’s time.
Think of the trouble we’d all be in if Trump wasn’t really good at getting stuff done or whatever.
Tue, 10 December 2019
KITM Headquarters is having a problem with leaks. No, not the “Trump White House” kind, or the “Trump Russian hooker” kind, but only the “roof” kind. (Just to be on the safe side, David Waldman is having all of his phone lines replaced also.)
While this is all going on, history marches on today, as House Democrats unveiled two articles of impeachment against Donald Trump. David recorded a perfectly timed (Would you expect anything less?) compilation of background and supporting material as our primer to better understand the context of said historical developments, natch:
The IG report includes a couple of agent bros celebrating Trump’s presidential win. (Actually, they were mostly celebrating Hillary supporters’ loss.) No word yet on their names, if they were lovers, or what their orgasms might have sounded like. Speaking of friendships, Christopher Steele and Ivanka Trump have known each other for years. Donald hardly knows this Ivanka lady, he has his picture taken all the time with people. Tiffany moves up a notch.
Let’s back up. To the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, previous nexus of Russian and Middle Eastern corruption prior to the 2016 Presidential election, and after it as well. Just think, the FBI would not have had the impetus to open the FIFA investigation in 2010 if it wasn’t for Christopher Steele... Well, people doing criminal things does also spur investigations. Take, for instance, every single person Rudy Giuliani has talked to over the last few years. Oligarch Ihor Kolomoisky needs to get in good with Donald, and is working on that through Rudy Colludy capos like Bud Cummins, Don McGahn and Dmytro Firtash, another Ukrainian oligarch. Oligarching ain’t cheap, so Paul Manafort associate Firtash has had to pick up a few hundred million in side jobs from Putin for the last few months.
Mon, 9 December 2019
David Waldman provides the drain snake of astute political analysis on today’s KITM:
Greg Dworkin rounds up the punditry as the impeachment process moves to which articles to vote on. Why care if we can vote later? Oh right... voting later is only a solution if we care now. Several tens of millions of voters want Trump removed now.
On the other hand, Republicans are just finding out about this impeachment stuff. You can’t blame them, they’ve been busy bailing out floaters for weeks... ok, years. Whenever Trump has said something too loony, the Greatest Minds on the Right have polished that turd to a mirror-like sheen. “Greatest minds” is of course a relative term, as Stockholm syndrome poster boy Ted Cruz has been moved to the front line, and Rudy Colludy Giuliani is, wow, the go-to guy... Rudy’s in with Donald for the long haul, as the two of them are here for as much as they can haul away. Rudy was in Ukraine swearing in new members of the Colludy gang. Brain trust spokesmodel Matt Gaetz has little question mark thought bubbles popping out of his head because of that.
Fri, 6 December 2019
David Waldman brings us to the weekend...The weekend? What’s that doing here? Who has the time?
Listen, if we don’t get impeachment out of the way soon, Donald Trump won’t be able to get a fast acquittal, and his related storylines of “complete exoneration” and “deep state conspiracy” won’t get proper traction before the election... Luckily for Trump, Nancy Pelosi, although opposed at almost every turn, has finally succeeded in drawing up some quick articles of impeachment for him.
Yet, who knows what the future could bring for Donald and Nancy’s plans? Adam Schiff and maybe several others still have tricks up their sleeves. Bill Barr and Rudy Colludy continue to add to impeachable offences and motivations every moment. Rudy’s an overachiever, making points on what Trump would have been obligated to do if he were honest, and flying (at... someone’s expense) back out to Ukraine to visit with the “Ukrainian Putin” and every henchman in every trenchcoat in every alley of Kyiv. And, of course, Trump is still Trumping.
Evil Corp minions have not been connected to Donald Trump as of press time.
All this, plus—KITM correspondents!
If nuclear first strikes are made illegal, only criminals will order first strikes. An Asparagus Zucchini (a zucchini with asparagus limbs) could tell you that, and he does, by reporting Democratic presidential candidates’ positions on this very policy in a recorded correspondence.
Thu, 5 December 2019
Hey, if it’s good enough for Andrew Napolitano and good enough for Nancy Pelosi then let’s do it. Constitutional scholars say now is the time for impeachment. On the other hand, impeachment pundit goldendoodlers might prefer Democrats enforced a few witness subpoenas first. Of course, the Founders would agree with much of this if they weren’t dead. Therefore, it’s settled... although we might need to impeach Donald Trump a few more times before everyone is satisfied. And, just in case Donald might run low on impeachable offences, Rudy Colludy has jetted off to Ukraine to find some more.
Greg Dworkin agrees with most Americans: Louie Gohmert is a moron, and Donald Trump is a bigger loser with each day. The world laughs at Donald Trump, albeit with a kind of nervous, angry laughter... Trump loses in court for the umpteenth time. Two undocumented immigrant housekeepers revealed Trump employs undocumented immigrants, again.
Polling shows that most Americans would describe themselves as middle of the road politically, easy to get along with, and quite young looking for their age. What if Democrats already have enough white working-class voters? Is the “optional” part of the public health care option the problem? Maybe including a co-pay for Bronx-Colors could help get it passed.
William Barr warns against uppity communities not respecting their authorities, as traditionally this sort of behavior risks losing them their protection.
Wed, 4 December 2019
But Trump’s NATO flop isn’t even the biggest thing happening today. The House Judiciary Committee kicked off its impeachment hearings, with the usual games expected from Republicans. And the House Intelligence Committee released a report on its findings. The biggest bombshell to come out of it so far seems to be the phone records of Rudy Colludy and Lev Parnas. Which, as it happens, also contains some of Devin Nunes’ records, as well! And what records they are! But it’s not all about phone records. There’s mail, too! And don’t forget, Ukraine isn’t just about faking up Biden dirt.
Tue, 3 December 2019
Today, David Waldman comes out against killing Republicans for the holidays... indeed, it would be probably inappropriate most of the time. That is... until… No! For the record, civil war is still 100% bad form. In fact, this is the very reason why we have free and fair elections. (Although Donald Trump has already cheated on the upcoming one.)
Impeachment is not political for the “Oh yeah, you and whose army?” president. It is as essential for democracy, as subversion of democracy is Trump’s raison d'être… or at least how he’s still sticking around. On the other hand, the Republican premise is that Donald Trump is the nation. He is all that is “right”… or what is “good”… or at least what is “all good right now”. Jerry Nadler plans to continue Democrat’s level headed, even handed, losing approach with the Judiciary committee hearings.
Still, there’s hope. Newly released documents reveal more Trump-Mueller lies. Don McGahn’s subpoena on testifying to House Judiciary Committee might be enforced. Trump may have to turn over his financial records to the House. And, you know someone in the Rudy Colludy gang is bound to be a snitch.
Mon, 2 December 2019
It’s December, it is almost 2020! It’s time for David Waldman to bring us the hard facts:
Donald Trump just might be a liar. Stephen Miller may be a white nationalist racist feret face. And, well, impeachment won’t reverse the Trump presidency… alas the vice president succeeds. Hey, remember back when we couldn’t even say “impeachment”? Well, now it’s time to stop saying impeachment is “political”.
Greg Dworkin rounds up some December punditry:
Oh no, the Democratic presidential campaign is in disarray? Joe Biden embarks on his 23 Skidoo tour bus, but maybe he’s really onto something there. Would a left-wing nominee actually hurt Democrats? What’s wrong with wrapping a little conservative malarky around your progressive policies if it makes them easier to swallow? Joe can’t bring himself to the end of a sentence, but that still puts him way ahead of Donald.