Fri, 3 July 2020
David Waldman wishes you a KITM Happy 3rd of July! Think you’re patriotic? Donald Trump is already out there celebrating, his orange hide gently flowing in the breeze like an American flag. Soon, he’ll be off to Mount Rushmore, to celebrate the liberation of the surrounding pine forests, joined by thousands of tightly packed free-mouth-breathing patriots. After all, isn’t it Jefferson who required the tree of liberty to be refreshed at times by the blood of our friends and neighbors? Herman Cain sends his regrets, as he will not be able to attend this year. The world realizes we are kind of dumb, and is pretty certain they don’t want to catch it. We might be stupid, but we’re well fed.
A professional football team has been asked to change their stupid name ever since the moment they came up with their stupid name. This time, it’s FedEx asking, and they’re not asking. Cleveland, Ohio came up with the perfect solution in 1889… but then went with their stupid name.
If it is possible to find a more cynical, racist, misogynistic, sociopathic sneering troll than Donald Trump, Republicans will run him for President in 2024. And Trump will beg him, tears running down his eyes, choking like a dog, to save him in 2020.
The White House hired an Islamophobic conspiracy theorist for a Defense Department job, because those are the kind of people that they prefer. Clint Lorance was convicted of murder in 3 hours, 14 of his own men testified against him, and Donald Trump pardoned him, because Clint is the kind of guy he likes. Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman is not Donald’s kind of guy, so Senator Tammy Duckworth is standing up for him.
A New York Court blocked Donald Trump’s niece from publishing her “tell-all” book. Ah, but now a New York appellate judge now says she can. Whatever. It’s already a best seller. That’s Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man, by Mary L. Trump Ph.D.