May 14, 2018
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The Presidential Apprentice, Week 69. Nice.
Donald Trump is casting better TV lawyers in hopes of keeping this season afloat. Trump aids audition for the Hunger Games, as they guess Bob Mueller’s show will be a lot bigger than anyone expects. Donald pillow-talks with TV Star Sean Hannity to get nightly tips and moral guidance.
If you are reading this, you probably haven’t been raptured yet, or the WiFi is good where you are... Israel is transporting dozens of Palestinians off to the afterlife ahead of schedule in preparation for the opening of the U.S. Jerusalem embassy today. Jared Kushner is on the ground selling peace and some shares of his Mark of the Beast on 5th Ave. Israel is also blessed by the appearance of Ivanka Trump, by third horseman Steve Mnuchin, who has some bonus miles left over, and bringing up the rear, Michele Bachmann.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin can’t get their minds out of the Qatar goings-on: Michael Cohen brings the Bada Bing to the world. Greg tells you about the very rich, as they are different from you and me. The Trump Tower elevator is seen at its maximum swamp capacity. It’s not just Corey Lewandowski anymore, Qatar has damaging information on Jared Kushner. Michael Avenatti warned you, now he’s forced to tell you about Michael Cohen, Ahmed al-Rumaihi, Ice Cube, Jeff Kwatinetz, and the BIG3 basketball league.
Some Israeli politicians and rabbis are drawn to orgies, blackmail and anti-Semitism.
Donald Trump voters: furious, paranoid, xenophobic, racist and reactionary, but sensitive too. Legend has it that some might turn “independent” if we behave just right, and those would be the unicorns we need to carry us to victory, over that other third, who will always remain deplorable, but hopefully stay at only a third. At the Connecticut Gop convention, Deplorables lose to the Dockers.
Meanwhile, the Democrats are moving left without self-destructing, and are becoming a progressive ideas factory. Here too, the Dockers are doing well.